Mess Banter
by The Abbot of Beregost
Summary: Ever wonder about what's going on in Shepard's head? Explore his mind as he makes his way around Mass Effect 2, dealing with resurrection and trying to save the universe. Rated M, for swearing. Now beginning Mass Effect 3!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **Takes place moments after Shepard boards the Normandy the first time.

Hadley was right. The soup did taste like ass. I must have made a face, because Kelly smiled at me sympathetically. I had just met her, right after coming back from Freedom's Progress. My stomach was trying to eat itself, so once she made her introduction, she escorted me down to the galley. I was surprised, I guess, that we had one. The old Normandy had a ration dispenser, which is why I ate on Citadel all the time.

"Could be worse, sir."

"Don't call me sir," I said, pointing my spoon at her dramatically, "I work for a living."

She laughed, a beautiful noise. Sort of reminded me of wind chimes.

"So how are you settling in?"

"Fine, so far. She's just like the old girl, except roomier. Maybe it's because I feel like I'm missing half my crew."

"Oh?" she murmured, head tilting.

"Ash. Tali. Wrex. Garrus. Liara. I'm going to try to get them back on board."

"I heard you saw Tali at the colony. Are you alright with that?"

I remembered sardonic comments, a quick wit and sarcasm. She always did the weird stutter-step when she turned to face me. Hell, she even did down there. She stopped, looked at me, and asked me to prove it was me. When I told her about the geth data, she did about three of them before making the other quarians put down their weapons. I forced a smile.

"She had other commitments. I'm just happy she's doing well- I mean, it's not like I can make her come with me. And I'm sure I'll see her again, I guess."

She frowned a bit, looking at the thickish gravy and canned meat-in-name-only that Gardner had combined out of two different ration packs to form an unappealing sludge. He had shrugged helplessly- I think he wasn't happy that his introduction to me had been over such crappy food. I mean, it didn't make him look good and he knew he could do better than the crap he shoveled onto the tray. Hell, I hadn't eaten in two years and I wasn't in a hurry to eat it.

"Tastes bettern' it looks," I whispered. She sort of nodded, but I think she knew I was just trying to put on a brave face.

"I heard that, sir!"

"Mess Sergeant?"

"Just Gardner, sir."

"Can you cook? Actually cook?"

"Yessir! Anything from gumbo to home-made bread, coq au vin to roast boar," he called back, puffing his chest proudly. "Got a great galley here, too. Too bad Cerberus didn't spring for actual food. Might have helped more than these shitty uniforms."

I nodded, grumbling. The uniforms were crappy. Glossy, hard on the eyes. Made everyone look the same, no markings of rank or specialty. They were comfortable enough, just ugly as hell.

"So, Yeoman...how's crew morale?"

"Hasn't changed much in the last hour, Shepard."

"I meant overall. I know they're all excited and nervous. I wanted more of a rundown than that."

"It's a big change. Almost everyone here is ex-military of one flavour or another. Some colonials, some Alliance, some Merchant Marine. Not too many die-hards from Cerberus, though."

I was taken aback. The Normandy, myself...we must have been a pretty significant investment for the organization. It seemed strange that they wouldn't pack it with their best, their brightest...and their most fanatically loyal.

"That comes as something of a surprise."

"Miranda tried to get them, but a lot of assets are 'tied up'. Apparently you did quite a number on them a couple of years ago, and along with the cost of bringing you back, they haven't quite rebuilt any sort of fighting force. A lot of people were scouted from units you were in or worked with already. Some were freelancers that Cerberus already had their eyes on."

I had done quite a bit of damage, sure. But not enough to put a ding in a large criminal organization like that. Kelly's eyes stayed on her cup of coffee.

"There's something you're not telling me," I said, leaning back and crossing my arms,"and right now is a pretty piss-poor time to be keeping secrets."

"Well...you didn't hear it from me, but about six months after you died, things started happening. Bad things. Somehow, someone leaked information about Cerberus to very specific sets of people. Alliance Special Forces, asari commandos, and the Special Tasks Group started hitting all at once. Cerberus no longer has a military wing. They're about a third of the size they were before, from what I've managed to gather."

I rocked back a little. That seemed...wild. Implausible. I had fought company-size elements of Cerberus soldiers on a number of occasions. Combined drone and infantry forces, hardened bunkers. Cerberus seems to have a military unto itself at the time.

"Wow. Any idea who's behind it?"

She shook her head, copper locks flying.

"There was just spray paint on the walls: Remember Akuze. Remember this, remember that. Usually Cerberus gets warnings when the Alliance is about to strike. Someone took a lot of time and trouble to take them apart."

I sat there thinking for awhile. Who would do that sort of thing? Contacting alien governments was risky, touchy. It took serious intent and resources.

"Something else, Shepard- the attack on Lazarus Station didn't make sense. It was Wilson, for sure. But he was never flagged as a threat. I recruited him. It was easy, mostly because he had huge gambling debts to some very bad men. He was never marked as a security threat. He had no motivation to do what he did- he had his debts paid, no past with Cerberus. Bribery seems pointless, especially since security would notice. That, and he didn't have a way off the station. It almost seems like he was one of those old-timey suicide bombers, but I still can't find a reason for him to betray us."

I didn't say anything. She seemed distraught, and more importantly, she was right. There were a dozen better ways for someone who knows where the station is to take it out. It clearly wasn't a military operation. He didn't expect to come out alive, but tried anyways. Not much motivation for a bribe there. I guess I must have let my mind wander, because Kelly nudged me.

"So, what's your first stop going to be?"

"I suppose I should get that Salarian scientist."

She nodded, staring at me over her mug. It hid her mouth.

"I'm still going to try to get my own people, you know."

"I expect it. Your psych profile said you have an unusual loyalty to your crew and friends."

"And I'm going to get some decent chow for my people. It's the least I can do, blech."

"I heard that, Commander!" yelled Gardner so loud I almost dropped my spoon. Well. I guess I shouldn't have been so blunt.

Even though he did deserve it.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** I think I'm getting into the habit of putting these in between or just after missions. Just after recruiting Mordin.

"Have a moment, Shepard?" Mordin called out to be as I headed to the elevator.

I nodded, continuing to walk. I had a mug of coffee in one hand, and Cerebus's latest reports as to the location of Archangel in the other. He had gone to ground after trying to kill a merc leader, so I had ordered Joker to head to Purgatory in the meantime. I was headed to the CIC, figured I could use the company. The heavily scarred Salarian caught up with me easily.

"Wasn't entirely truthful in clinic."

I raised an eyebrow, gulping down another mouthful of steaming crapola. It's one thing for a man to live on rations. It can be done, at length. But crappy coffee just isn't going to fly.

"Characteristic human social cue. Anyways, lied about knowing where you were coming from."

"Oh really?"

"Saw Miranda's pin. And it makes waves on a mostly-nonhuman station when a warship smeared with the logo of a known xenophobic terrorist organization shows up in port."

It wasn't surprising, I guess. I couldn't really respond as the salarian took off to the right with only a wave. I didn't follow, just shook my head. He definitely had that STG look to him, with all the scars. Took a left instead, showed up at the armory. Jacob was clearing the carbon out of the pistol Mordin had given me. I hadn't fired it yet. Jacob looked up as soon as he heard the door hiss, snapped a quiveringly perfect salute. I came to attention, unable to return it with my hands full.

"Skipper."

An image of tanned, taut flesh snapped through my mind. Bright teeth, a genuine smile, and the words 'O Captain, my Captain'. I put Ash to the back of my mind. I needed to talk to Anderson, try to figure out where she was.

"Don't call me that...Jacob, what was your rank?"

"Warrant."

"Right, Warrant."

"Don't call me that. I'm not a Marine anymore."

I took another gulp of coffee, sizing him up.

"Neither am I, but then again I never was."

He raised an eyebrow, shrugged. I shook my head.

"Commander will do, or Shepard I guess, Jacob. I'm just getting used to everything here."

"Cerberus is a lot less formal, sir."

"Yeah. What's up with the uniforms?"

He made a face, looking down.

"Not my idea. Never liked wearing them. They got issued after that huge purge."

I nodded, putting down the pad. It kind of astounded me how something so simple as sanitized clothes skipped the mind of the Cerberus leadership.

"Kind of obvious who we are in them. Once we pick up Jack from Purgatory, I'm headed to the Citadel to lay in supplies."

He nodded, resuming work on the pistol and continuing to speak. His hands moved with ease, it was obviously a task he'd done quite a few times before.

"Like I said, I'm not the biggest fan of Cerberus. I'm lucky I was on the Lazarus Project, or I'd be a smear on some hellhole wall. When Miranda hired me, I made sure I was put someplace where I could live with what I was doing."

He frowned, trying to work the ejector slide.

"Nice piece," I said, pointing. He nodded.

"Thought I..." he mumbled, gritting his teeth and reefing on the charging handle. There was a hiss, and a small chunk of polymer jumped from the chamber.

"Damn. Gun would have jammed up bad if you had actually tried to use it, Shep."

I smiled. Mordin wasn't dumb. Nobody you just barely meet hands you a pistol like that without a little insurance.

"Well, reason I'm here is that I was wondering if you needed anything on the station."

"I was thinking we could get some new armor for the ship. Last time you met the Collectors...I don't have to remind you how that went."

"Gotcha. Anything else? I'm going to figure out who the hell the quartermaster is around here, give him about twenty thousand creds, and turn him loose. So far, new weapons are on the list. New uniforms. Some boots that fit. Food for Gardner."

"New uniforms? Miranda will be pissed."

"Paint!" I mumbled to myself, remembering the outside of the ship. I noted it on the pad, in the margins.

"Very pissed. This project is her baby. But the food is definitely going to make you popular. I wouldn't mind a set of armor for myself, and I have a schematic for ship armor. Oh, where's all this money coming from?"

"A combination of my pocket and the ops budget," I said, shrugging. I didn't have any better ideas. Anyways, I figured I might as well spend the money on something useful. Either I was coming back from Collectorville or not.

"Miranda is going to _kill_ you. Anyways, go talk to Rolston. He's the 'supply clerk'."

Jacob almost spat the word, shaking his head. He glanced at the logos on his shoulder, turned away.

"Goddamn, sometimes I miss the Alliance. There was order with all that red tape, at any rate. And a person's title didn't sound like a bottom-level corporate job. I'm going to get this baby ready, send you a list. Good luck with Miranda."

I nodded, came to attention, and headed out the door. Miranda always did seem like she had a chip on her shoulder. It's kind of understandable, seeing as I had dealt Cerberus some pretty heavy blows a couple of years ago. I headed out to the CIC.

"Commander!" Kelly called out with a smile. I smiled back. She was really growing on me. I handed her the pad, looked over the projected map.

"You have unread messages at your terminal, sir."

"I'll have a list for you to take to Rolston in a bit, Yeoman."

"What kind of list?"

"Supplies we need from Citadel, I'm getting a few things for the crew."

"Miranda will probably be pretty angry."

I rolled my eyes.

"I can live with it. I'm going to suit up. Tell me if anything blows up while I'm gone."


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Right after the Purgatory mission.

"Commander, we've got incoming-" called Joker behind himself, fingers dancing across his control panel. I heard the squelch, then an officious sounding voice blared across the helm.

"_Unidentified ship, this is the cruiser __Righteous Aegis__. Stand down and..._"

"Bail, Joker. They'll get whoever made it to the lifeboats," I managed, sore and exhausted. My armor was dinged in a dozen places. I pushed myself off the back of his command chair, dragged my ass back towards the CIC.

"Aye aye, Commander. I didn't think it would look too great if we hung around anyways," managed, concentrating on the escape. I needed to check my armor when I got half a chance. On my way aft, I rolled out my shoulders. When Cerberus was rebuilding me, they didn't repair that old rotator cuff injury. Well, I guess beggars can't be choosers, but it would have been nice. As it was, I was sore and stiff. Kelly smiled as I walked past, raising a hand. I waved back.

"How'd it go, Shepard?"

"Well, all those Cerberus logos nearly blew it again. Man, Jack is pissed. And Miranda is going to kill me."

"Speaking of her," Kelly said with a wry smile," the Ice Queen wants a word with you when you have a minute."

"Great, great. Let me get out of my armor."

She shook her head, and went back to her monitor. I kept on rolling my shoulder in the elevator, switching into the only set of civvies I owned once I pried off my armor. They were old hoverbike leathers from my misspent youth, plates across the back. Cheap looking, but comfortable. I slipped them on, wondering who had ransacked my locker to find these, and skipped over all the rest of my clothes. I looked like hell, but I figured it was better than wearing a set of Cerberus whites to meet Jack. Might not help with Miranda, but then again, one was more likely to try to kill me than the other. Well, at least that was the theory.

It would be an understatement to say Miranda was pissed off.

"What the hell is THIS?" she said with death in her voice, sliding a datapad across her table at me. I looked at it- it was my memo about the uniform change.

"Well, it's..."

"What were you thinking? Why didn't you consult me?" she all but screamed, furious.

"Because you would react like this?"

"It's not..." she started, face twisted. She took a breath, calmed down. Well, sort of. She was still staring daggers at me. She wasn't happy with me, but I think she realized that we needed to work together in order to save the colonists. I still don't think she ever saw the dark side of Cerberus. I guess she was too valuable of a resource to expend on anything but the most important projects. I figure the assignment she saw humans being hurt instead of protected by them was the one she wasn't meant to come back from. It's one thing to talk abstractly of spending lives to save lives, it's another to see another person lying there, all carved up and experimented on.

"It's not the uniforms. It's bypassing me. I would like to keep the uniforms, but if you think it's an operational issue...please, bring it up with me instead of doing what you please. I've modified and redistributed the memo, with the option for people to keep their Cerberus uniforms at their discretion."

"Thanks for understanding, Miranda. Do you have any suggestions for our supply run?"

"Already sent."

She didn't say anything else for a moment, so I turned to leave.

"Shepard," she called after me, rubbing her forehead, "Listen, I know we have our differences. We need to work together to beat the Collectors, so next time, just talk to me. I'm your XO, for Christ's sake."

"Alright, Miranda. I know you believe in Cerberus, but you know how I feel about them. I'm not putting up with them because I want to, and your dual-loyalty isn't helping things. If I can't trust you to put this ship ahead of a terrorist organization, how can I trust you with anything else?"

She smiled wryly.

"Cerberus is more than that, but I see your point, Commander. I'll see what I can do."

She turned back to her monitor, and I turned out the door. Gardner was scrubbing an oven, a couple of crewmen complaining in the background. I waved to the crew. There was a chorus of 'hey sir', and they turned back to grumbling among themselves.

"Gardner, I need two meals to go, two cups of coffee."

"Going to feed the new crewman, sir?"

"Yep."

"I'll make 'em special. Gotta get things off on the right foot, right?"

"Yeah..." I rubbed the back of my neck. Jack had already almost torn me in two. I hoped she would appreciate the chow once she calmed down- if she was capable of calming down. Whoever she was, from wherever, she hated Cerberus.

While he busied himself, I found the information that Jack had been looking for. The amount of data was staggering- it filled five or six datapads. I had to actually borrow them from the medbay. By the time everything was put together, Gardner had the trays together with the coffee sitting on top. I stacked on the data, and wobbled uneasily as I made my way to the elevator. Juggling plates...well, heroes of the galaxy tend to be multi-talented. As I stepped on the elevator, I called out to EDI.

"EDI, where's Jack at?"

"Engineering deck. Shall I engage the elevator for you?"

"Would you kindly, EDI?"

There was a woosh and some motion, and I juggled furiously. It was mostly my coffee that I was worried about, dangling dangerously close to the edge of the covered tray of food. I briefly wondered how well the chow would go over to a woman who until quite recently had been in prison, and perished the thought. _It couldn't possibly be worse than what she got on the inside_, I guessed. _On par though, maybe_.

The doors opened, and I pulled a quick U-turn again. I walked right past her little hidey hole the first time, into main engineering. Two very surprised engineers turned around to face what looked like a hobo with their food.

"Juss put it down there, crewman," the man said with barely a glance. I stood there in shock a moment before the woman turned with an irritated scowl and noticed me.

"KENNETH!" she barked, snapping a hasty salute.

"At ease..."

"Engineer Gabby Daniels, sir."

The goateed, accented man kicked the deck, damn near glowing red with embarrassment. I extended my hand to him. It was hard to juggle, but you only make first impressions once. I figured it would be better for him to know there was no hard feelings than not.

"No harm done. What's your name, troop?"

"Engineer Donnelly, sir."

He had a good handshake, I'll give him that. And Donnelly was a hell of an engineer. Gabby looked embarrassed as hell too, so I smiled and waved it off.

"Really, it's no big deals. These are the only set of civvies Cerberus managed to find for me. Just so happened to be my very worst set."

Ken laughed awkwardly, and Gabby stared at her shoes.

"So, how'd Cerberus find you two?"

Gabby turned and glared at Donnelly before speaking.

"Ken was quite...outspoken about you, sir. We were both serving on the SSV Perugia, and the captain got sick of it. He got put up on charges once or twice before we got approached by Cerberus to help put together the Normandy. Even then, we didn't sign up with them for a good six months until after our discharges. I made sure they took me too. Poor Kenneth would fall apart without me. "

I nodded along. Made sense. People who already were on my side, people who wanted to make a difference without the red tape. It sounded a lot like Jacob's story, actually.

"Alright then, do you two want anything? Got my memo about the uniforms?"

Gabby nodded, didn't say anything. Ken spoke up pretty quickly though.

"If it's not too much trouble Commander, there's a part we need, an FBA coupling. It's kind of hard to find, though."

They regaled me with the technical specs while I sort of drifted off. Finally, I cut them off.

"Alright, send me the memo, along with whether or not you want uniforms."

"Jesus," Ken blurted out, "The sooner the better! These bloody things are impossible to keep clean."

"One more thing. Seen a half-naked, heavily tattooed...?"

"Down," managed Gabby with a smile, "And on your left as you leave."

It was darker than sin or night down there. Jack had broken or dimmed all the lights. I couldn't see any trace of her, couldn't hear her above the hum of the machinery. I stood there a couple of seconds, almost turned to leave. I felt like I was being watched, so I called out instead. I felt like an idiot to be talking to an empty alcove.

"Jack? You here?"

Something moved, and I caught sinuous motion in a shadow. She stepped a bit further into the light, glaring. She looked like one of those big cats from Earth that you see in the holos sometimes. She regarded me coldly, crossing her arms across the chest.

"What do you want, Shep?"

I wasn't sure what do to. Suddenly, I felt exposed without my sidearm, or even a hand to reach for one. So, I watched her for a second, and smiled a little. My smile is disarming, right?

"Brought you some food, and my part of the bargain. Tell me if you want anything else," I told her, gesturing to the tray with my chin. "Want to split a meal?"

An eyebrow shot up, and her eyes tracked up and down my body.

"What the fuck is up with the leathers?" she asked, reaching out for the chow. "Everybody else in here has those dumbass scrub uniforms."

I rubbed the back of my neck as I set down my food on a pipe behind me, took a gulp of coffee. She was looking through the datapads when I turned back around. I sighed.

"Listen, I'm not Cerberus. I'm not your enemy. I'm-"

"You're not my friend either, Shep. How do I know this isn't some trick? There isn't something in the coffee or the food?"

I could understand why she would be paranoid. Prison, and Cerberus being involved with you doesn't do anything good for your mental health. Hell, just look at Corporal Toombs. Jack was leaning back, not eating, so I decided to do something drastic. I walked over, stuck my spork into her soup, and sucked down a mouthful. It wasn't half bad, as far as I was concerned.

"That help?"

"Do another."

I nodded, took down another spoonful. Then, I drank about a quarter of her coffee. I gestured to her cup after I handed it back to her.

"Should I take another sip or two of that?"

"Hell no, now you're just getting greedy. So, what's a bigshot like you doing down here?"

I shrugged, shoveling back the food.

"Looking to see if you want anything for the mission."

"Like what?"

"Like, say, a coat."

"What, my tits not good enough for you?"

I'll admit, I did steal a glance or two at them. It was hard not to admire the ink. Yeah, that's it. I'm only human, and it had been more than two years since Ashley and that mission to Illos.

"No-"

"Not big enough? Like the cheerleader's more? Bet those fuckers are fake as a three cred chip."

I didn't know what to say, to be honest. She had me off balance.

"It might co-"

"Yeah, sure. You just don't want me to rile up your crew. Whatever. Shit."

I shook my head.

"I'm just fucking with you, Shep. Yeah, I wouldn't mind something to sleep on. Bigger gun. Combat boots. A set of jeans, I guess, and yeah, a coat. I'm not sure what a collector's ship is like, but hell, I don't want frostbite again."

I finished up quickly, a little flustered.

"Alright, Jack. Write what you want down, and I'll pick them up. We're headed to the Citadel right now, actually."

She looked at me strangely, like she was judging me according to some bizarre scale.

"No strings attached to any of this shit?"

"Nope. Well, one."

"Fucking figures. What is it? Sex? Cash? 'Cause I don't got..."

"Nope. Tell me about yourself, Jack. "

**A/N:** It's Super Ultra Assignment Time in Abbotsville, so I'm gonna be a bit slow with the next chapter. And yes, there will be more. Lots more.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Takes place after Garrus's rescue. Fancy. As a side note, thanks to Reklar for the help editing.

Garrus would make it. Chakwas herself rushed off the Normandy with a stretcher and a half dozen marines in tow more or less as soon as I radioed for help. Hell, she had a helmet on, her red cross brassard, a huge medical bag and a sidearm when I saw her charging past the bodies of all those mercs. I had a pressure bandage over Garrus's mangled face, trying to keep the fear down, trying not to kill him by accident while Jacob covered the front and Jack covered the stairs. She shouted to us as she all but vaulted the barricades. I had never seen her like that.

I breathed in another lungful of steamy, hot air, and checked myself for any blue blood I missed before turning off the shower. It was an honest-to-God water shower, one of the perks on the new Normandy. I toweled myself off as music played across the room. I recognized it dimly, in the back of my head. Verdi's _Anvil Chorus_ played on as I rubbed my head furiously with the towel. I wanted to pass out, but I couldn't. I had things to do. I sighed, hung the towel on the bar. I was halfway to my locker when I heard a chime over my music.

"Commander."

"What is it, EDI?"

"You have been awake approximately twenty hours without stimulants. Medical regulations state that barring contact with the enemy, it is required you obtain at least six hours of sleep. You are already over the allotted limit."

"Thanks EDI, I have a couple more things to do."

"Yes, Commander."

I sighed to myself, opened my locker. Atop a pile of olive-drab fatigues was a note.

_ Commander,_

_The crew has taken the liberty of providing you with your uniform, with rank and achievement tabs, as per your memo. Your boots are under your night table._

_ Midshipman Rolston _

I had no idea that Rolston was a midshipman. I had treated him as a mid-level NCO instead of a junior officer...who had probably mustanged himself. I bent down, and pulled a set of brightly brush-shined jump boots up, already laced. It put me in a slightly better mood. What really got me smiling was putting on the fatigues. I felt like a soldier again- purpose, objectives, pride. Rolston had outdone himself, as well: I had rank slip-on in the center of my shirt, a maroon beret with my old unit's cap badge, and my special forces and drop tabs sewn onto my shoulder. Hell, there were even boot bands tucked into the pockets.

I hit the elevator feeling like a new man, despite the bags under my eyes. I smoothed my beret into place on the ride down to the CIC. Stepping out, I heard that familiar bark:

"Commander on the deck!"

"At ease, ladies and gentlemen."

Kelly turned around, still wearing her Cerberus whites. She had a black beret on, with no insignia. Smiling, she extended a pad towards me.

"Commander. New intelligence on Okeer and Tali. Miranda and Jacob are waiting for you in the briefing room."

"Alright. Anything else happening?"

"Garrus came out of surgery about an hour ago," she said slowly, staring at me. "Are you alright? I know he's one of your best friends."

I nodded, looking at the pad.

"I'll be fine as long as he makes it. Is that all?"

"Yes, Commander."

I gave her my best smile. In the background, men and women in green fatigues walked around the deck. There were a couple of different shades of beret, the odd person in Cerberus uniform. I looked at Kelly as I turned, stopped.

"Kelly, why didn't you get a set of greens?"

She looked at her shoes, then back up at me. She was blushing a little.

"I didn't know how to wear them. I don't feel like I've earned them."

It was almost cute. I smiled at her.

"Well, if you feel that way, then don't request the new uniform. But, then again, I'd change before you go see Jack."

"Good point, Commander," she managed through a grin, "but you'd better get going before the Ice Queen tears a strip off of Jacob just for fun."

I gave her a grin and a wave, walked back towards Mordin's lab. I was still getting used to not having marines posted regularly around the ship. It gave me chance to know my men, I guess. Stop and talk to them, that sort of thing. I saw Mordin, and had barely opened my mouth when he looked at me and said, "Shepard. Miranda impatient. Perhaps best not to keep her waiting."

I shrugged, kept on walking. So much for a distraction.

They were sitting and twiddling their thumbs when I came through the door. Jacob stood, and we traded salutes. Miranda watched, a fraction of a smile on her lips. I took a seat at the head of the big oak table, looked at both of them.

"Sir," Jacob started, "We were wondering how Garrus is doing. Think he'll be ready to fight?"

"I certainly hope so," Miranda said quietly. "I haven't seen anyone that badly hurt in...in quite awhile, Commander."

"Chakwas is the best," I told them as much as myself, "He'll be on his feet in no time."

"Alright, so Garrus might be out of the fight for a little-"

The door hissed.

"Thought I heard my name, Commander."

He was mangled, to put it gently. A mess of bandages and metal lined one side of his neck and the lower right part of his face. He limped through the door, and even though he was trying to smile, it wasn't working. It wasn't hard to tell he was in a hell of a lot of pain, but Garrus is a hard bastard. He was up and walking after getting shot in the face, what more could I ask? So I walked over, trying to smile, and shook his hand. It was damn good to see him.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Slightly out of order. I imagine Jack listening to 'Lecher Bitch' by the Genitorturers, for the record. Oh, and apologies about the time between postings, life is a little busy.

Tali stormed off. I turned to Jacob, scowling. He didn't seem happy, but when we saw my face, he went stiff and stood to attention. I stole a glance after Tali before getting in his face. I mean, I got a couple of inches away from him.

"Was that really necessary?"

"No sir," he said, clearly disagreeing. His jaw was set, eyes forward. I grimaced- having feuds amongst my crew was rough as is.

"We'll have words later," I managed. I shook my head, jogged off to try to catch up to Tali. She was storming through the armory, coming into the CIC when I caught her. She turned to me, stutter-stepped. Her hands flailed a bit before she spoke.

"Sheppard, I never thought things would come to..."

I held up my hands defensively. I could understand why she would be pissed. She had seen the experiments. Her hands were going everywhere.

"Tali, we're not working for Cerberus. Maybe with them, for a bit. I didn't really have any choice in the matter."

She looked down, and then up. I saw Kelly watching us out of the corner of my eye. I gave Tali a smile, put a hand on her shoulder. Kelly's eyebrows arched.

"It's good to have you back, Tali. Let's go introduce you to the new girl's engine core. Whaddya say?"

She took a deep breath, turned to face me. I could have sworn she smiled.

"It's good to be back, Shepard."

We hopped on the elevator, headed down to Engineering in silence. We each leaned in a corner, not saying anything. I didn't think I needed to. She was okay, I was okay. Between fighting Saren and ranging across the galaxy doing good, there wasn't much left to say. I mean, I was curious, but she would tell me what she had been doing since I died when she wanted. Once we got off the elevator, I heard something. A thumping pulse, nothing mechanical. Tali looked at me, and I shrugged. I gestured for her to follow me. The door to the engineering walkway opened, and we were assaulted by sound.

A wall of thumping bass and a screaming singer played at volumes that would peel the scales off a krogan blasted through the open door. We all but ran through to the core of the ship, the doors closing behind up.

"Kee'lah! Who can even listen to music that loud?" she managed.

"Jack lives down there. You'll meet her later...she's only moderately less friendly than a charging krogan."

I could swear her eyebrow shot up behind that faceplate.

Kenneth was nodding along to the beat as he fiddled with a panel. His grey coveralls were already stained with at least three different fluids. He turned around, saluted when he heard me. Tali ignored the exchange, walked past us towards the core itself. Gabby was on the other side of the room, working at a station. She smiled at Tali as she went past, followed her after a bit.

"You're the best, Commander. We just got those FBA couplings installed. Now we just have to calibrate every week instead of every day."

"No problem...ummm..."

"Kenneth. Engineer Kenneth. Me and Gabby are thinking aboot celebratin' our newfound free time with some Skyllian Five poker. Want to join us?"

"C'mon, Kenneth," a voice called out to my left, "the commander doesn't want to play with grease monkeys like us."

"Actually," I said, eyebrows cocked, "that sounds interesting. Are you in, Tali?"

"Sure, why not. You rescue me again, show me to the heart of the most bleeding edge ship in the universe, and you want me to play poker? It's the least I can do."

I laughed. She stutter-stepped, and I looked her full in the face plate. She had grown up some.

"Say, Kenneth," I asked slyly, "mind if I invite Jack up? I figure it'll cut down on the noise, and you'll get another player."

He looked ready to object, but Gabby cut in.

"Thank God, please. I don't think I could take much more of that horrible crap she plays."

Tali laughed. It was a great sound to hear. I turned to my old crewmate, flashed her a smile and braced myself for the auditory assault. I hit the door control, and jogged down the stairs to Jack's alcove. The sound was damn near deafening down there. I looked side to side, then down. She was wearing her chest strapping, a pair of unlaced combat boots, and a pair of tight-fitting jeans. Sweat dripped off her lean, hard body as she pumped out push ups like she was born doing them. Jack's head snapped out, and a borderline feral snarl parted full lips. But it was a fun snarl, like you'd see from dogs playfighting. She finished her set, stood. I gestured at her sound system, and she flicked it off.

"What do you want, Shep?"

"I was wondering if you wanted to play Skyllian Five with us up in the core."

She shrugged, reaching for a towel slung over a low-hanging set of cables.

"Sure, boss-man. Get ready to lose your fucking pants, though."

She toweled herself off. I didn't know how to respond to that, or how she stared at me with a certain intensity. While she was getting the sweat off, she turned to me.

"Hey Shep, what's with the new uniforms? I thought this was a Cerberus ship."

"It's my damn ship, Jack. If crew members want to show their colours, it's their business. Most of everyone here got headhunted from the Alliance or planetary militias, so we're wearing green now. We're not a part of anything but the Normandy crew now."

She shrugged, rubbed some deodorant on.

"Alright, whatever. Still don't trust 'em."

A small work table had been set up by the time Jack and I came back up. Buckets and stools had been pulled around it. I gestured for Jack to take a seat next to Ken.

"Tali'Zorah vas Neema, this is Jack."

Jack turned to her, sized her up.

"Sup," Jack managed impassively, sitting down. Apparently, she wasn't impressed. I pulled up a seat between her and Tali, and looked at Gabby.

"Go easy on the rookie, will you?"


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** After Horizon. Sorry about the lateness, busy with school, then a trip to Texas.

The headache was excruciating. The nausea was worse, but the headache was what I remember the most. I haven't ever had one that bad. I cracked open my eyes, and dived out of bed. The bulkheads spiraled, and I puked all over the floor. I managed to get to the toilet before I puked again, more bright green fluid all over the bathroom deck. Missed the toilet, but I was closer, at any rate. I was breathing hard, throwing water all over my face when EDI chimed in.

"Commander, Tali and Jack left you some hangover aids, and Professor Solus has offered to treat you when you are ready."

I nodded, shaking water everywhere.

"May I also make a recommendation, Commander?"

"Why not, EDI?"

"Please take a shower, Commander. Your vomited a number of times on your way back on to the ship."

I grumbled, started stripping off my stinking, stiff clothes. I was down to skivvies and t-shirt. That was sort of a surprise, seeing as I had been wearing greens and armor as far as I could remember. I looked over towards my bed, and sure enough, my green uniform was neatly folded, right beneath my armor. Sure enough, chunks all over the inside of my helmet, too. I set the shower to 'too goddamn hot' and tried to remember what happened between the Illusive Man ordering me to Horizon and then...fighting through the Collectors. That part was easy. Disappointing the old man, not an issue. Some people you just can't convince you did all you could. A whiff of lavender, a hard face. I stepped into the shower, scalding myself a little but feeling better as the crud came off and the memories came back.

Ash.

She was up in my face, yelling about Cerberus, how I had betrayed everything. How I had turned my back on the Alliance, my crew, my people...her. Saying I had never cared about her, about the future we had started building for ourselves. Turning her back on me as Tali looked on and Jack barely restrained herself. Tali gripping my shoulder, keeping me from trying to give chase while we watched her walk away with one finger slung at me. I remember Tali cursing, pulling me towards the shuttle as I watched the woman I had loved march off out of my life without so much as a backwards glance.

I remember Kelly looking at me, worried. Her green eyes barely left me after I came out of the debriefing. She didn't want to approach me. I had chewed out Jacob, then Joker when he made a crack. We set course for Citadel, to load up on armor, ship parts, food, and crew-served weapons. I wasn't heading up against one of those hyper-husks or floating particle beam things without heavy machine guns and light antitank weapons again. I remember sulking, thinking about Ashley. Then, things got fuzzy.

I remember getting to Citadel, with Tali, Jack and Garrus. I was somewhere between fuming and down. The crew was repainting the Normandy, Rolston was looking for light rocket systems, and I was looking for a drink. I needed to de-stress some. Think about my crew, where we were heading. About the devil's pact I had made with Cerberus.

About Ashley.

I walked into the Dark Star Lounge, headed straight for the turian bartender. The others didn't say a word. I mean, Garrus had made some half-assed quips at Tali on the way up, but she just wasn't in the mood. Kelly told me later that Tali was worried sick about me, hadn't seen me like that in her life.

"What'll it be?" he asked, not even paying attention to us as he polished a glass. Jack hopped on a barstool to my left, Garrus to my right and Tali stood behind me. Jack was smiling- I think it was her first time back in a bar in a long time. She was wearing dark shades, knee-high boots and black jeans. In an act of surprising modesty, she wore a black tac vest over her harness.

"The strongest thing you have," I grumbled. The turian shrugged, and Jack gestured for one too. Garrus gestured for one, but the bartender shook his head.

"Sorry buddy, but it's bad for us dextro-DNA types."

He reached down, poured out two bright green shotglasses and one of a red sludge. I looked skeptically at what appeared to be heat-exchanging fluid.

"This is...it's green."

"And guaranteed to knock you on your ass."

I looked skeptically at Jack, but her drink was already gone. I could see perfect white teeth as she shook it off. I shrugged to myself. I mean, how could a drink make things worse? I took it back, and it burned. It burned like hell, tasted like lemons.

"So, Shep, who was that Ashley bitch?"

"Listen, Jack...the Commander's had a rough day..." Garrus said quietly, spinning his still-full glass between his hands. He didn't look up. Tali didn't say anything either. I turned to the bartender.

"Let's have another," I said, gesturing. I faced Jack while he poured me another.

"Ashley was my senior NCO on the old Normandy. She was with me all through everything we did to stop Sovereign and Saren. She was there on Eden Prime, when we busted up Cerberus's labs, when we found the Admiral, when we...we were together, all through everything. Wanted to start a life."

Jack nodded along, didn't say anything. I took my drink, shot it back. The burn on the way down kept me calm. It was about this point, though, that things started to get fuzzy. I remembered switching to something blue...then back to green. Bartender telling me I had a quad. Tali and Garrus telling me slow down, half-jokingly at first. Toasting Kaiden, toasting the crew. Talking about Ashley at length, then the old crew. Old adventures. Vomiting all over the bar bathroom. Being dragged back to the ship bodily, Tali supporting me on my right and Jack under my left. I remember both looking worried, Garrus clearing a path ahead. Vomiting in front of an elcor. Jack laughing, Tali being angry at her for it.

Then, nothing. Waking up in bed. I turned off the shower, toweled myself off. I made it to my night table without further issue. Sure enough, two cards, four pills and a glass of water. I bolted them all down before reading the cards. Tali's was simple, with flowing, elegant script.

_Hope you feel better. Come down and talk to me when you have a chance._

Jack's handwriting was atrocious in comparison, but made up for it with a drawing of a skull for no particular reason.

_You got so wasted! Oh man, I gotta take you drinking more. Fucking hilarity._

Well. Well, I didn't have words. The pain was starting to fade as I slipped into uniform. The nausea stayed, even though there was nothing in my stomach. I adjusted my uniform in the mirror, stepped onto the elevator. It was all stuff I could do in my sleep. As soon as I stepped off the elevator, the duty marine called the deck to attention. I winced at the sound internally, went through the routine. Kelly walked over and looked me in the eyes. Gone was the flirtation.

"I want to see you when you have a moment, Commander," she said. I forced a smile.

"Kelly, you know that I'm out of red wine and candles."

"I'm not joking, Commander."

"I'll be alright, Yeoman. Tali wants to talk to me, anyways."

One gorgeous eyebrow arched. She crossed her arms, and looked at me.

"She may want more than friendship, Commander. Haven't you noticed the way she turns to face you when you enter a room? The way she takes a step or two towards you, then retreats?"

"So?" I asked, mind still fuzzy and headache still present. She sighed.

"You'll figure it out sooner or later, Commander. Oh, and Commander?" she called after me as I turned towards the tech lab.

"You left one hell of a mess in the airlock."

**A/N:** I think I'm starting to get the hang of this.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **Dread specter of continuity rears its ugly head! Thanks for all the support, everyone. Really keeps me going when I'm dragging.

I hit the mess hall, rubbing my temples. Mordin's treatment has worked, but the headache still lingered. There was a lineup in front of Gardner, a gaggle of privates and some mixed ranks, looking somewhere between a DFAC on a backwater world, and a forward base under siege. Nine of eleven people I could see were in greens, half of them in body armor. Three or four had rifles slung, one or two more had pistols in holsters. Zaeed was in line, jeans and a long-sleeve shirt that looked older than me making him stand out from the pressed-and-dressed ranks. Jacob apparently kept one hell of a tight ship- while I was in charge, I had taken to having Miranda take care of daily problems, Jacob of discipline and deportment. I got in line behind Zaeed, still wobbly. His Vindicator was slung off his back, and a shoulder holster crisscrossed his back. I reached out to tap him on the shoulder, but his voice cut me off.

"Shepard," he said, without turning to face me, "don't fuckin' do that or I'll be wearing your severed arm like a fuckin' scarf."

"Right, then."

A lieutenant turned to see the fuss, smiled, stepped out of line.

"Heard you had a rough night, sir. TROOPS! Commander's here. Let him get some chow."

The entire line turned to see the commotion, grins broke out. Sergeants and lances stepped quickly out of line, privates bounding behind them. I smiled, waved off the courtesy.

"Thanks, troops. Lieutenant?"

"Ready aye ready, sir."

"Grab me some coffee, jackass," I said with a smile, throwing a half-hearted punch at him as he passed. It did me some good to see the troops smiling, even if it was at my expense. Sometimes, looking down from the top, you can forget how people look up to you. They're your buddies, your responsibility...but sometimes, they're your saving grace. Zaeed just shook his head and smiled, walked with me to the front of the line. Gardner had an apron over his Cerberus uniform and a tall white hat on. He was grinning, ear to ear. A happy man in his element, if I ever saw one.

"Awright, lunch is either Curry Elcor, or Asari Jambalaya. Whatlitbe, Zaeed?"

"The curry, sar'ent."

Gardner laddled a steaming, thick mess of bright yellow...substance into a tray, handed Zaeed a fork and knife, and turned to me.

"And for the Commander, the hangover special. Hope it wasn't too bad, sir."

"Christ, how messed up was I?"

"Bad enough," Zaeed managed through a wry smile, "that the shift painting the ship blue and green got t'watch their captain being dragged aboard the ship."

Lunch? Had I slept in that much? I thanked Gardner, turning red. That's embarrassing, you know. Your troops expect you to be this distant paragon, and becoming human to them, being flawed, is frowned on. Or not, I guess. They seemed no worse for wear, so we sat down at the small table, informally called the 'officer's mess'. Hell of a nickname for a four-person table next to the non-commissioned ranks, but it was a ship, not a base- no room for anything, and traditional boundaries came dead-last on a frigate. We settled in, and I opened my tray as the lieutenant put the cup of coffee on the table. He looked at Zaeed expectantly, as if he expected him to make some room. He got a glare for his trouble, shrugged and sat with the NCOs.

"Butterbars. Shit, have they gotten younger 'er juss greener?"

"Maybe you're just old," I responded, peeling back the tin foil. The meal had clearly been prepared awhile ago, kept warm for me. It was huevos rancheros, with greasy hash and grits. Breakfast at lunch. Zaeed laughed.

"Hell of a night, eh? So was it a woman, or something else? Because you sure as hell didn't win no glorious battle."

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Fair 'nuff," he said, tucking into his curry like he hadn't eaten in a week. I slowly chipped away at my hash and beans before I felt someone come up behind me. Man, I was getting slack, letting someone come up behind me like that.

"Make a little room, Shepard," Tali said in her unmistakable accent. I shoved over, letting her slide in beside me. In her hands was a sealed package with turian writing all over it. There was something that turned my stomach just looking at it inside. She produced a straw from a suit pocket, jammed it into the clear plastic face of the ration and inserted it in her facemask. I had never seen a quarian eat before.

"Morning, Tali," I managed. Zaeed waved briefly, not pausing his feeding frenzy.

"Feeling better yet? I...I hoped the pills I left you helped."

"Yeah, they did. Thanks Tali."

There was only the scrape of forks and knives for a few seconds, the odd slurp. I didn't have anything to say.

"I've never seen Ashley so mad," Tali ventured.

"Ash has always spoken her mind. And she hates Cerberus more than you do. You weren't jumping up and down when you figured out I was working with Cerberus, and you didn't exactly let me explain either. Ash's first tour was with Admiral Kahoku."

She nodded, sucking on her ration. I moved some grits back and forth on the plate.

"What's her problem then?" Zaeed asked, chewing loudly.

"Aside from having thought I was dead for years, she doesn't like me working with Cerberus. I guess she had a hard time getting over me or something."

Zaeed shook his head, and I could swear I saw his eyes wander to a place far, far away.

"There was this girl once- Nadezhda. Spacer girl, from a mining family. When I was first starting out after my time in the Alliance, I met her in a rough bar on a shithole station somewhere. She was the most gorgeous thing I ever saw. I did a little work in a posse back then- legit law enforcement, as far as the Terminus Systems are concerned. A gun, a badge, and an actual lawman's signature were all I needed. I spent a year doing that, being the law on a station of a couple thousand."

We all turned, listened. Zaeed might have been long winded and prone to recounting stories, but this one seemed a little different. Gradually, the mess quieted down as everyone turned to listen. He put down his fork, staring at me but seeing another time and place.

"I was actually thinking of making it my full-time job. The pay was decent, the job challenging enough. Well, at least by my standards back then. One day, though, we got a call about some son of a bitch who wasted his wife and kid daughter. I pulled on my tin star and rattle, and went after the bastard. Kissed Nadezhda goodbye, chased him up and down the station for four hours. Finally cornered him by the ore crackers. She was on shift, watching from a catwalk while me and two other lawmen did the righteous thing and took him apart- and I mean that, close range work with shotguns. I looked up, saw her looking down at me like I was the monster."

"What happened next?" I asked, knowing the answer already.

"She thought I was a butcher. Kicked me right out, told me I was a murderer and a Goddamn criminal myself. Never saw her again. I turned in my star that day, headed out to Omega. Fuck her. I did my damnedest to do right by her, and whaddid I get? A kick in the fuckin' teeth for my trouble."

He jabbed the curry with enough force to kill a small animal.

"Fuck her," he repeated to himself, "Christ, now I need a drink."

He stood, stalked off. Jack was there, a fresh tray in her hands.

"What the fuck's Scarface's problem?"

I shook my head. I didn't feel like talking about women.

"Bad memories," Tali ventured, "just like everyone else. My father always told me- everyone has a reason put the past away."

"You have no clue what the hell you're talking about," Jack managed, face reddening and eyes steely. She looked like she was going to try to choke Tali out, so I stepped in.

"How bad was your hangover, Jack?"

"Not half as bad as yours, Shep," she managed. I think she managed to choke back the anger, just for me. Maybe she saw I was miserable, maybe she didn't feel like fighting Tali in front of me. I don't know, I was just trying to get myself right side up, and figure out what to do. Hard eyes softened a tad, not much, but enough.

"Alright, then. Where do you guys think we should go from here?"

Jack just shrugged, spooning back some gumbo. Like Zaeed, she was bolting it down as fast as it would go. I looked to Tali, but she seemed unreadable as always. She was working on some water in another pouch, one hand flinching on the table. It kept sliding back and forth between us, slowly reaching towards me then darting back. The noise started to pick up again.

"Illium? Korlus? Those are our last two stops on the official Cerberus tour."

Tali didn't say anything.

"Well, " I told them, after getting no response from either woman, "we'll figure it out. We always do."

I finished my breakfast just as talk in the mess ramped back up to normal levels. Jack was done hers, so was Tali. I stood, and everybody in green did too. Military discipline- once the leader is done, everyone's done. I looked careful at the faces of the dozen or so men and women who had been eating with me: sailors, marines, soldiers. Young and old, trays in hand and eyes bright.

"You all do me proud, " I said. Maybe I was still a little drunk. Maybe I had a reaction to Mordin's drugs. Maybe I had forgotten that I wasn't some boot private anymore. "We're gonna go out there, find our people, do humanity proud. Live forever, troops."

"AYE SIR!" they all shouted in unison.

I picked up my tray, and with Jack on my left and Tali on my right, I headed up to the bridge to figure out how the hell to save some lives.

**A/N: **See? Thanks everyone. Please, feel free to PM me for clarification, quibbles, etc. The idea of the army and marines being combined throws me for a loop.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N**: Sorry about the delay, it's Magic Exam Time.

I hit the punching bag set up in the cargo bay again. I needed to work off some steam after the string of minor assignments that the Illusive Man had tossed in my lap after we has left Horizon. I clinched with the bag, brought up a couple of savage knees to what would be a person's short ribs. Something creaked in my knee as music thundered in my earbuds. Around me, the men and women off-shift were taking advantage of the gym we had pieced together on the bay floor. Kelly and Tali were running on treadmills, talking. I couldn't hear them over the thunder of drums and wail of bagpipes. Jacob and Zaeed were hitting the bench-press.

I threw back the bag, swung again with a wrapped fist. The impact was satisfying. First, we're tasked to rescue a Cerberus operative halfway to Illium. Then, we have to deal with berserk robots, and a station that murdered all its crew. I was sick of being a day late and a cred short. I was doing this to save lives, and wherever I showed my mug, people started dying instead. I couldn't save the colonists on Horizon, and I couldn't even save my relationship with Ashley. Punch, punch, elbow. I had failed damn near everyone who had ever counted on me, it felt like. The bag absorbed my frustrations as I sweated off my anger.

"What'd it ever do to you, Commander?" a lilting voice yelled from behind me with a hint of a smile. I turned around, and Miranda was there, shouting at me. I pulled out my earbuds. She was wearing a set of black track pants and a sports top that exposed an awful lot of midriff. Her hair was tied back in a sleek ponytail, and her running shoes were actually pretty reasonable, as compared to her usual boots. I could see a white strip of micropore bandages just over her hip bone, where an Eclipse round had punched through her barrier. It missed the bone, barely. I shook my head, mumbled something. I started to turn back to the bag when she shouted again.

"How about a quick sparring session, then?"

That turned a lot of heads. Tali damn near fell off her treadmill. There wasn't much I could do, standing there watching her slip on some light gloves.

"Alright, then. No biotics, Nevada rules?"

"No small joints, that sort of thing?"

"I need my trigger fingers, Miranda."

A circle was forming. I shook out my shoulders, handing off my music player to Midshipman Rolston. He had a SSV _Agincourt_ motto shirt on, and a huge grin on his face. The cargo hold went from near-silence to a low murmur, the noise starting to pick up as crewmen walked off machines to come watch the spectacle.

"Don't mess that pretty face up too bad, sir," he managed with a smile.

"Didn't know you felt that way about me," I shot back, adjusting my handwraps.

"Wasn't talkin' about you, sir. Now go get her."

I could see Kenneth taking money on the side, crewmen starting to holler bets and hold up credit chits. I threw a few experimental punches. I knew my muscles were warm- it was more a psychological thing. I was working myself up, I guess.

"Commander," Miranda called out as she stretched, "one more thing."

"What's that?" I yelled over the cheering.

"I want this to settle whatever's between us."

Catcalls erupted from the sidelines, but I nodded. There was bad blood between us. Her on Cerberus's side, no matter what. Me butting heads with her over a lot of things. Her stubborn belief that humanity should come first, always. It was time to clear the air. Hooting errupted from midway between us.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" thundered Zaeed in his unmistakable accent, "This contest will be three rounds of Nevada-rules sparring for the _Normandy_ championship belt! In this corner, we have the Cerberus Smasher, Biotic Queen, Miiiiiiiiiiiiraaaaaaaaaaanda Lawson!"

The odd roar emerged from a few crewmen in Cerberus shirts. I saw Tali fidget in the crowd, then shake her helmet. Kelly was talking to her as Miranda raised her arms up to the audience, and Tali just about turned away.

"And in this corner, the reining champ! The man so hard he made Death his bitch, Savior of the Citadel, and all around great guy Cooooooooomaaaaaaaaander Shepard!'

I bounced from foot to foot, hands and chin high. Thunderous cheers filled the room. Miranda smiled as she put up her guard. It was deceptively loose, and I could tell by the way she kept her feet apart she could probably kick my head off my shoulders. I rolled my shoulders one last time, and fell into stance- heel up, shoulders square, hands at chin level and open. She fell into an easy, open stance and I advanced. Turns out, I was right. As soon as I got within range, she launched a side kick that would have given my a concussion if I hadn't deflected it off my forearm. She laughed and bounced out of the way of my lightly thrown leg kick.

"Have to do better'n that, Commander!"

So. Rules broken already, and me without a mouthguard. Goddamn. I picked up my pace towards her, dodged another kick and threw a solid kidney shot. Not great, or especially hard, but it landed and I saw her wince and swear. I followed up with another body shot, and missed with another leg kick. She threw a looping overhand, and I ducked it. Hoots errupted as I danced back, threw a mid-speed straight. She slapped it away, danced away to size me up again. She came fast, and I clinched her. It went to the ground, lots of close-in shots and bruises. I barely head Zaeed call the end of the round. I was sweating like crazy.

I didn't have a corner, or a chair. Rolston did, however, have a bottle of water. I drank a bit, washed my mouth out, spat on the deck. It landed crimson- Miranda had caught me with an elbow across the cheek, and the inside of my mouth was bleeding steadily where the flesh of the cheek had been mashed against my teeth. Everyone was shouting advice.

"Get her back in the clinch!"

"Try for the kimura!"

It was all nonsense and I knew it. This was more than a showy bit of sparring- this was as much a contest of wills as it was the method by which Miranda would either finally join the crew as a person, or drive a wedge between my crew and the Cerberus loyalists onboard. The yells faded as I found my focus.

The second round was much more vicious. 'Sparring' became full force blows. I don't remember it so good after Miranda rocked me with a straight I never saw coming. I split her lip in response, though- instead of trying to catch myself, I threw myself. She didn't expect me to take her to the steel-grating deck again, and try to throw her in a leg lock. We still weren't playing for keeps, of course- but we were going to have some lumps for the next couple of weeks. Cracked knuckles, split lips. I might have cracked a rib or two of Miranda's.

It became a contest of wills. A contest of wills isn't like in the holos, with two biotics struggling against each other. That's all strength. Will is knowing you can tap out at any time, but don't. It's standing up again after being knocked down, wiping your blood off your face and going another round knowing you can end the hurt with a word. Hanging in there, out of nothing more than spite, when you could quit. That's what this fight was.

And every contest has to end.

I was lucky, I'll admit it. Caught her with a cross on the chin, she stumbled. I was on her, one hand around her throat, furious. She threw her hands up, and I stopped. Just barely, but I stopped. I eased up a bit, and she choked. I held up my hands, tired and triumphant. I spat blood, not smiling, not satisfied. Miranda stood, rubbing her neck.

"Good fight, Shepard," she managed. I extended my hand to her, still panting. She looked at my hand, shoved it aside, and threw her arms around me. She hugged me, and I just sort of stood there. More catcalls. I hugged back a bit, and she let go. Zaeed walked the middle, separated us.

"And the winner, by submissions, and reigning champion is...COMMANDER SHEPARD!"

The crew went ballistic. I smiled at them, sniffled, felt blood coming out my nose. Miranda didn't seem unhappy with losing, which was strange. Her face was starting to puff up, but she regarded the entire affair like...well, with a strange little smile on her face. She turned to me.

"Well, you win, Commander. No hard feelings."

I could see nothing behind her eyes. No regret.

"It was a good fight, Miranda."

"It was."

She turned away, ponytail bobbing. The guys in white offered her a towel, but she smiled. And then she did something I'd have never figured her for. She patted one of the guys on the back, and walked away. Kelly was beside me in a moment. Tali was with her, pacing furiously.

"Are you alright, Shepard?" the shorter redhead asked cautiously.

"I'm okay, I guess."

"I'm going to...I'm going to..." Tali sputtered, hands clenching and unclenching.

"What? We both chose to duke it out."

"And you're a bull-headed bosh'tet when you want. That why I...I follow you. But I still want to beat the hell out Miranda. Just look at you!"

I couldn't see me. Kelly was frowning, though. We got into the elevator, crewmen slapping me on a very sore shoulder as they passed. One handed me a bottle of water, which I downed about half of in an awkward silence. Tali paced briefly before crossing her arms.

"Why," Kelly asked slowly, "did you even agree to the fight?"

"It was supposed to be sparring!"

"But it wasn't, and you knew that after the first kick."

I shrugged, got off the elevator and started to undo my handwraps. The two women followed me. Tali grumbled to herself, and as we came around the bulkhead by the galley, Jack was sitting there.

"Holy fuck, boss. What the hell happened to ya?"

"I beat up Miranda."

"I missed that shit? Fuck. And I thought you were such a soft-touch," she said around a mouthful of mashed potatoes. Gardner was about as generous as I tossed the lengths of fabric onto the table.

"Shit, sir. You look like hell."

"Lots of ice, Mess Sergeant. And some coffee."

"Coffee after working out?" Gardner asked with one bushy eyebrow raised. I glared at him as he filled plastic bags with ice, handed them to me. My forearms were already turning black and blue. I held the bag of ice to one, struggled a second with a roll of tape that Kelly got from Doc Chakwas. Oh, Chakwas was pissed. She stared though the medbay window, shaking a finger at me like an angry mother. Tali snatched the roll away from me, grumbling some more. With a lot more tenderness than I expected, she taped the ice on for me. Kelly watched, before smiling to herself and trying to wipe some of the blood off my face with a napkin. Jack shook her head as she watched the two women fuss over me.

"Lucky bastard. I'ma see if I can spend a little time in the ring myself."

* * *

I was getting ready to shower the sweat off myself when my console beeped. I grumbled, walked over wearing only my towel. My body was covered in bruises of various sizes...and colours, from yellow to green to deep purple. I flicked up the message display. There were a couple from the Illusive Man, detailing kit he had left for me at various places. One from Morlan, and one innocuous one, simply titled Hey There.

I clicked that one open.

A/N: Yeah, yeah, I know. I know I'm slow, but I try to churn out quality. If that means putting up a chapter once a week, so be it. Please bear with me, folks . Bonus points to who can guess which martial art Shepard studied. Re: Ashley- she was always portrayed as temperamental. I don't think she's the type to say "Oh, so my lover is back from the dead and working for known terrorists. A'ight. I'm cool with that."


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** For the record in Bioware games I usually have a tough go making the choice between two of the romance choices. In BG, it was Jaheira and Aerie. Still go back and forth sometimes. Also, heroes don't work for free. This chapter happens right before the Collector ship mission.

God, I hate the Illusive Man. I had just finished freeing Grunt, and he seemed excited for a fight- I had promised to take him on the next mission. I was rubbing my neck where he had grabbed it when Joker's voice chimed from my left.

"Commander, the Illusive Man wants to speak with you. Sounds kind of important."

"Tell him to eat my ass."

"Sounds kinda kinky, sir."

"Joker, there are days I could hate you."

"Hey, at least it's not me getting my ass beat twice in a week by my carefully hand-picked crew of lunatics and crazies."

I flipped the nearest sensor the bird jokingly. Laughter rippled. I turned, headed towards Jack's alcove. No music as I came down the stairs- so she was either eating, or asleep. Her alcove had changed since she had come aboard. She had strung some sheets across it, to give herself some privacy. I stopped a couple of feet away, and called out to her.

"Jack?"

"C'mon in, Shep."

Her quarters had gone from a cot on the deck to a nightmarish mess. A table scrounged from Omega was covered in papers, heat clips, and weapons parts. Datapads were everywhere. Her cot had a ranger blanket on it, crumpled up and barely concealing a sidearm slung low off the side of her bed. A couple of posters were stuck up against pipes, and track lighting was ziptied to the ceiling. Chaotic, but homey. I waved as she sat on her bed in jeans and her harness, staring at a pad. A box of heat clips on links sat next to her booted foot.

"Hey, just checking in."

"I ain't a kid, Shep. I'm doing fine."

"Get ready to roll heavy, then," I said, crossing my arms. I didn't think I babied my crew.

"Why's that?" she asked, fine eyebrow raised.

"I got the Illusive Asshole waiting to talk to me. What're the odds he'll pitch us feet-first into another situation like Horizon?"

She smirked, eyes brightening like someone lit a fire behind them.

"Alright, boss. Anything I should expect?"

"Belt fed, gas cooled, fully automatic fuckery. Bring Bessie," I said, bringing up the name of her favourite weapon- a belt fed light machine gun she has picked up after Horizon at a kiosk on Omega. Facing down those Scion-class husks with small arms was just a losing proposition.

The grin turned fiercer yet as she shouldered on a bulletproof vest. I don't know why they're called that- it was more of a bulletproof cuirass, hardened ablative ceramic over kinetic padding. Hers was matte black, with all kinds of filigree on it. Lotuses and skulls were the two most prominent motifs- it had to be custom-made, from her cut of the jobs we had done. It looked good on her, very...form fitting. She grabbed a black boonie hat, and started fishing around in the trunk behind her cot as I turned and left.

Up the stairs and across the way, I walked into the main bay to see Ken, Gabby, and Tali arguing over something. It was engineering related, so I hardly paid attention. I leaned against the far bulkhead as they talked about whatever it was before I coughed into my hand.

"Oh!" Tali managed. "Commander!"

The other two snapped salutes, and I returned them.

"Tali, get ready. I think we have a mission coming up."

"Why's that?"

"Illusive Asshat is on the horn."

"Oh. We-well, I'll get my stuff them. That is, if I'm coming along."

"Wouldn't be here if you weren't."

She jumped a bit. Flailing her hands, she turned to head towards her quarters on the deck. Ken and Gabby just shook their heads at me.

"She has it bad for you, sir," Ken managed with a slight grin.

"Hey, neither of you," I said, pointing back and trying to keep a smile off my face, "is in any real position to comment, Mister and Missus Follow-Each-Other-Across-The-Galaxy-And-Onto-A-Suicide-Mission."

They looked at each other, then the floor.

"Aye sir," Kenneth managed.

"Carry on."

I marched out of there. Sure, Tali might have a soft spot for me. Kelly had said that too. I still found it hard to believe. I mean, sure, I always liked her. Tried to look out for her. And she was the best damn mechanic I had ever seen. Maybe she was just excited for the mission. Anyways, I wasn't going to take advice from those two about relationships. Or even subtle hints.

* * *

I came out of the briefing from the Illusive Man a little pale. A Collector ship? Jesus. I swung a right, ended up in Mordin's lab. I set a bunch of research items to cook- Mordin had already done most of the heavy lifting, all I had to do was allocate the resources so EDI could bulk-machine the components. I heard a self-conscious cough. I turned, Mordin was standing there with his hands clasped in front of him.

"Shepard."

"Mordin. Something I can help you with?"

"Yes, actually."

He walked over to a fume hood, and opened the table below it with his omni-tool. I could see a fuel source, copper tubing. He fiddled with something inside, came out with two small glasses of a pale yellow, clear fluid.

"Cheers."

He downed his, shook himself, refilled it. I smelled it cautiously as he closed up the door to his still. The stuff smelled absolutely rank, somewhere between engine degreaser and health food, with a touch of turian pate.

"It's...yellow."

"Leftover fruit from Gardner, mostly. Analogous to human 'slivovica', homebrew."

I shot it back, and it burned like hell. It was hard to describe- somewhere between tequila and ryncol, harsh but it seemed to have the kind of quality that would have you coming back. Or, at least, not mind the taste so much. I put the glass down.

"Nice brew, Mordin."

"Got it right first try. Not important. Need a favor, needed to approach this in the appropriate manner. Sensitive."

I nodded along. This was way, way out of normal behavior for Mordin. He looked at me, and I nodded at him.

"Listen, I'll help however can, but I have to know what's going on."

"Former apprentice being held on Tuchanka by Blood Pack. Helped with genophage."

"So you want to rescue him? How'd he end up there?"

"Don't know."

I didn't believe him.

"He STG?"

He fidgeted, started to pace.

"Yes. My apprentice. Sources say he's being held by Clan Weyrloc. Being forced to cure the genophage. No other reason for captivity."

I thought about it a second. It made a certain amount of sense.

"Not as a hostage, or for ransom?"

He shook his head violently, continuing to pace.

"Not krogan. Would kill prisoners instead."

"Alright, after this mission we'll get right on it. Do you need anything to make that happen?"

"No, Commander. But thanks, much appreciated."

He drained his glass, nodded once more to me, seeming a bit more at ease, and turned back to his work. I took that as a cue, turned myself and headed out on deck. There was that old routine- 'COMMANDER ON DECK!' followed by half a beat, and 'At ease'. Miranda was standing in my usual spot, looking over everyone from the podium in front of the galactic map. She was wearing her catsuit, and looked beat. Kelly was to her right, and I saw that every station I could see was manned, and there were marines at the doors. She spoke without turning to me.

"Commander."

"Go grab forty winks," I said to her, "you'll need them. I'm taking you with me on this one. Hell, I'm taking everybody but Jacob."

She nodded, listening. I walked up to her, put a hand on her shoulder as the crew bustled around.

"I got this one. Good work turning everyone out. I need you at your best, though. Even you need to sleep."

She turned to me, and I could see the massive bags under her eyes. Her hair was out of place, and I'm pretty sure there was coffee on her Cerberus logo. I didn't say anything, even though she gave me a ghost of a smile.

"Thanks, Shepard. I think I've been running the crew a bit hard, but if a crew doesn't hate the XO, she's not doing her job."

I gave her a smile, ushered her towards the elevator. Kelly stood to my left. As soon as it shut, she looked up to me. She was a good foot shorter than me.

"The crew is a little stressed out, sir."

"Kelly, it's typical. This is the first real test of everyone together. Before this, they'd send down a shuttle with me and my hardasses. Now, everyone's life is on the line. Everybody's got to be on the ball. This is the bend or break moment."

She stared at me a moment.

"You like the speeches, don't you?"

"Hold the line, Kelly."

She laughed, a sound like birdsong.

"I wonder about you sometimes, Shepard."

"I'm charming as well as intelligent, Miss Chambers."

"A little unstable, a little reckless...plenty of compassion. I can see what Tali sees in you."

I rolled my eyes.

"Going to give me relationship advice now, too? Kenneth and Gabby tried that a half an hour ago."

She blushed, quite red. Green eyes shied away from mine, stared at her console.

"I can't sir, my opinion is a little...tainted."

"Tainted?"

"I have too much of a stake in your romantic life-"

"I have a romantic life?"

She frowned, turned from me. Picking up a data pad, she headed for the elevator.

"Whether you know it or not, _sir_. How about this..." she managed, a smile slowly spreading across her face. She turned on a heel, threw me that million watt smile.

"You make it back from this one, I'll cook you dinner and we can talk about it."

**A/N:** My relationship with energy drinks remains love/hate- this is largely the product of when I can't sleep until 0600 local. Tip of the hat to Saul Tigh, best XO ever. As a side note, in real life, Shepard would bring his entire posse everywhere.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** I'm on a roll!

We ran pell-mell towards the shuttle. Jack and Jacob stopped behind us as Collectors boiled out of every crevice in the Goddamn ship, hungry for our blood. Jack was all but leaning on Bessie's trigger, the gun spitting link and heat clips all over as she sprayed a murderous hail of slugs downrange. Jacob was volley-firing his grenade launcher. The door to the shuttle was wide open as Mordin, Miranda, and Zaeed piled in. Grunt dashed to Jacob's position, tapped him on the back twice. Jacob turned and dashed to the shuttle as I yelled for everyone to hurry up. Grunt cut loose with the Arc Projector as Jack came to the end of her belt. Everyone was laying down what fire they could, backing towards the shuttle. Tali paused a second as I stood there, firing my sidearm. I just barely had anything left, and what I had was going fast. Then, Jack took a hit, and I broke position. She was only twenty feet away, but she stumbled as the lance of energy pierced her shield and tossed her to the ground. I dashed for her.

"Shepard!" Tali yelled. I was focused, though. I saw Jack was still breathing, judging by the endless cursing. I grabbed her by the back of her armor, and started hauling her. Grunt was going to run out of ammo sooner rather than later. I fired what was left of my pistol ammo, and holstered it as I hauled her with both hands.

Somehow, we made it back. I hauled her kicking onto the shuttle. Jack had lost her boonie, and was rubbing her ribs and bitching.

"...like a fuckin' sledgehammer to the ribs, but I'm not bleeding and there's no hole..."

"Brave son of a..."

It was a tired cacophony as everyone tried to talk at once while the shuttle darted towards the Normandy. Bandages and medi-gel were applied. I counted everyone up, nodded to myself as the adrenaline started to ease its grip on me. My leg started to thob, though, as my nervous system slowly flushed the adrenaline from my system, and I needed to piss. I looked down, and saw blood pooling on the deck. I unstrapped my greave, and sure enough, there was a neat through-and-through in my calf. Seeing it, the pain crashed down on me. I groaned. Everyone stopped mid sentence, and looked at me, then my leg. Tali was sitting right across from me. She reached down, and gently extended my leg so my foot rested in her lap.

"Kee'lah, Shepard. I...I'll get this."

She slipped a hand into her hip pouch, pulled out a medi-gel soaked bandage, and started strapping it on. I winced once, and just sat there quietly- I was too tired to stop her. Zaeed broke the silence first.

"Fuckin' brave thing you did back there, Shepard. Earned you a hero's reward- a hole in the damn leg. You did good though, son."

"If," Jacob started slowly,"the ship had a mess, I'd buy you a drink, sir. That was a close one."

The rest of the trip was short and quiet. I just sort of sat there, watching my men and women dab medi-gel on burns, bandage smaller cuts. Grunt watched with an abstract fascination as his wounds seemed to slowly close more or less of their own accord. Krogan regeneration and a little medi-gel can go a long way, apparently. The shuttle landed as Joker shot away from the ship. The doors opened, and everyone filed out except me, Tali and Jack. Jack stared at the deck a moment before hefting Bessie.

"Shep...thanks. I owe you one."

I nodded, tired and sore. I slowly pulled my leg under me, and started limping towards the elevator. I made it exactly three steps before Tali was there, one slim but strong arm around my back. She threw my arm around her neck, and let all the weight of my injured leg fall on her. I stopped a second.

"Tali, you don't have to do this. I can make it the thirty feet myself," I said quietly as the elevator, packed with warriors, shot off. Grunt and Zaeed were already mostly up the stairs to the sides of the cargo deck.

"I want to, Shepard. Don't you think you've been strong long enough, on all the important things? Let me help you on this one little thing."

I smiled at her, started limping again. I hugged her a little closer than strictly necessary, but I don't think she minded. My first clue was when she held me like that all the way up to the medbay, even when we were both leaning against the elevator wall.

Tali and Jack both sat with me while Chakwas patched me up. Jack sitting with me wasn't voluntary- a female medic suffered Jack's verbal abuse while she had her ribs taped. Four were cracked, one broken. The entire time, she kept staring at me. It started to get to me, partly because I knew she had seen worse. Hell, she had done worse pretty regularly on missions.

"Something the matter, Jack?" I asked as Chakwas clucked her tongue at my leg. I was lying facedown on a table, arms crossed and pillowing my head. I had managed to strip off most of my armor, given it to a pair of able seamen.

"Why the fuck didn't you leave me there?"

I was a little baffled.

"How could I leave you there?"

I honestly didn't understand. Leaving people didn't make sense in any way. More than that- even if they bought the farm, I don't leave people behind. I had seen what leaving a body in the hands of the enemy brought.

"You could've died going back from me."

"I could've died reaching for the soap in the sh- Jesus, easy Doc! I could have slipped and cracked my skull this morning in the shower. I can live with the risk."

Her eyes narrowed a little, then softened. She shoved the medic off.

"Like I said, thanks."

She stormed off, just like that. Not quite stormed off- maybe walked off. I don't think she expected that sort of behavior. Later, she told me the story of her last...boyfriend? Lover? I guess going back for her touched a nerve. Maybe it made her feel guilty, or something. I don't know, I'm not a psychologist. All I know is that dragging her those thirty feet affected her. Tali shrugged, kicked her feet a little as Chakwas did her work. I tried to make a little conversation.

"So, I noticed you've been talking to my yeoman," I managed, wincing as Chakwas chased fragments of my armour through my leg. She fished them out, threw them into a kidney-shaped pan that looked older than me. It made an odd plinking sound.

"She's the only one of the crew still wearing the white suit that's worth talking to, " she said with a little bitterness. "The rest are how you'd figure: typical Cerberus assholes. All humanity-rah-rah-rah, thousand yard stares and not two brain cells to rub together. Luckily, there's only a handful of those types."

"Good -ow- I guess. Any problems with the crew?"

"Not any more. Had to get in one or two faces, but that aside, it's been quiet. Working with Ken and Gabby isn't bad. I don't think they know what Cerberus actually did."

"I don't think -ow, Christ!- that they would advertise."

"I guess not," she said, looking at her feet absently. There was a silence as the doctor worked. Finally, she announced she was finished, and slapped my ass. I jumped a little, and Tali laughed. I smiled at her, and said, "Thanks for the help, Tali."

"It's...no big deal, Shepard."

She helped me up, looked at me a moment. Tali looked unsure, shifted her weight back and forth. I didn't do anything else, sort of stood there. She cleared her throat.

"Well, I'm gonna go see how the engine's doing."

She turned to go, and I reached out for her. I missed, but she turned.

"Really, Tali. Thanks."

She stared at me a moment, nodded, and left. I thought I saw a smile in those eyes, but the helmet hid most of it.

* * *

I was lying on my bed when Kelly showed up, a bottle of wine in one hand and a large tray in the other. The door whirred, and I cracked one eye open.

"Commander."

"Hey, Kelly. Put the tray down over there, on the coffee table. It'll have to do, but yeah."

She smiled, and I limped over. Doc Chakwas was good, extremely good. I'd be good as new in a week. Kelly shook her head as I limped over in my greens. I put my beret on the couch beside me, and she took a seat next to me. Pulling the cover off theatrically, she presented one dinner, special, for me. Sushi. I raised an eyebrow at her, and she blushed.

"Gardner wouldn't let me cook."

"It's fine, Kelly. I appreciate the sentiment. Lucky for you, I can use chopsticks. Any idea what we're eating?"

She laughed and shook her head. A man couldn't help but love the sound. It made me smile through the pain, dulled by a couple of Aspirin. I reached for the ceramic chopsticks, handled them awkwardly before looking at the tray. There was a spiral of colour, deep reds, pinks. A bright blue I didn't recognize.

"Hanar love sushi, by the way," she said, reaching for something that looked like cooked fish.

"How is it?"

"Fishy. A little spicy. Mmmm. Gardner is good."

I laughed, and we dug in. As we dug in and drank half the bottle of sake that came with the tray, I saw a little bit of paper under the food. By the time we finished the meal, I could see a note. It was written in thick, blocky letters : **Told you I wasn't a bad chef, sir. -Gardner.** Kelly laughed again, and once the excellent meal was done, we both reclined with red wine in honest-to-God glass...glasses, I guess. Things got serious quick.

"So...how'd the mission go, aside from the obvious?"

"A couple of near misses. Jack's mad at me for dragging her to safety, which is how I got this wonderful hole. I'm starting to think everyone was right about Tali. That aside, I've been a bit out of it lately. I got-"

"I read Gunny William's email, sir. I'm sorry," she said, looking down into her wine and tracing the rim of the glass, "if you feel that was a violation of your privacy."

I frowned, shrugged. It had to be expected on a Cerberus vessel, even if I was doing my damnedest to keep them in the dust. I took a big gulp of wine. I didn't like wine, but it dulled the pain and the nerves.

"It was...well, an apology, I guess. I thought I was getting past her. I think it's over, but I still have feelings. Two years to her was a blink to me. It was like a slap in the face. I can understand why she feels that way, though."

Kelly sipped her wine.

"What are you going to do about that letter?" she asked cautiously.

"I don't know. She made it pretty clear that she's all torn up, not sure whether she wants to actually be with me."

She looked around, nodding.

"This is the best cabin I've seen on a ship. I really like what you've done with it."

I looked around, not seeing it. I had an armour closet, a couple of models, some malnourished fish, nothing special. She stood, walked around.

"Still," she managed, her back to me, "it could use a woman's touch."

I rolled my eyes. It was fine. I had my space hamster, my bed, my couch...

"I would paint the bulkheads, for a start," she said with a mischievous smile, "a dark green. You seem like a dark green sort of guy."

"Planning on moving in, Kelly?"

"Oh no, that wouldn't be appropriate. The odd night up here certainly wouldn't be out of place, though..."

I laughed. She plopped back down on the couch, staring at me. Her green eyes were lit by some internal fire. Somehow, through the pain and the meds and the wine, I managed to suss out that she wasn't quite joking. She wouldn't spending a lot of time with me as more than my yeoman. A slim young quarian's laugh rippled through my mind.

"Oh? What would Tali think of that?"

She looked abashed, caught herself. I think they were friends at that point, but I'm not sure if they were competing for me or not, if there was any hostility...

"I could live with out-competing Tali for you, but I'd worry about Miranda and Jack."

I shook my head.

"I can't believe either of them have any interest in me."

She raised an eyebrow. I rubbed the back of my neck with a "Weeeeeeeeellllllllllllllll...." and thought about it.

"Jack, maybe. She seems to go back and forth between looking at me like a piece of meat and keeping me at arm's length."

Kelly tented her fingers, then clasped her them. She looked unsure of herself- really, it was the only time I saw her like that.

"I haven't been able to actually talk to her, but she was definitely traumatized in the past. She knows she's beautiful, she has power and animal magnetism. But she has no idea what she wants, and she's confused by feelings beyond lust for you."

"Lust?" I asked, incredulous. I had a hard time believing I inspired lust.

"I don't know what she'll do. She's a powder keg, Shepard."

"Go back to the part about the lust."

"Well, you do know how to make women look at you in that special way."

"I do?"

She nodded. My eyebrow shot up, and we both laughed. It was crazy.

"Miranda is coming around. Tali's been doing it for years, judging by the way she looks at you now. And I can see why they do it."

She smiled, radiant.

"You," she said slowly, "had no idea of any of this, did you? Do you intend to do anything about it?"

"Not a damn thing, " I said, leaning back, "not yet. I want to figure out things as far as I'm concerned. And - hell, I want to stop talking about women."

Kelly kept on smiling, poured herself some more wine.

"Alright then, Commander. Tell me about yourself, then."

**A/N**: I'm not sure whether to go recruit the last three, or go on loyalty missions first. Ah well. Anyways, still sorta in-between the ships.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N:** Sorry it took so long. Exams and such.

I felt like a new man, limping onto the Normandy. Joker turned around, and I called out to him, "Get us off this ball of rock, Joker. Take us some place nice, I deserve a pina colada!"

"Aye sir...someone had fun in the face of unimaginable horror. Isn't it nice to see the commander so cheerful, EDI?"

"Yes, Mr. Moreau."

"It was a rhetorical question, EDI."

I shook my head as Joker stabbed vainly at a mute button that EDI had circumvented two weeks ago. Grunt laughed, slammed his fists together. Zaeed headed off towards the elevator with Grunt as I turned to Miranda. She stood staring at the map with her hands clasped behind her back, lost in thought. Kelly was to her right, concentrating on something.

"I heard," Miranda said slowly,"that you killed a thresher maw. On foot, no less."

"Yep."

"That's all you have to say?" she sputtered.

"More or less. Kicked some ass. Saved the day, became the hero. Don't have to come back to this shit pit ever again."

She smiled, stepped down from the podium.

"I'll be in my office if you, Commander."

I nodded, stepped up. I could hear the chatter as my crew kept the Normandy humming- seven retrofits since I got the new girl, most of them done in space away from prying eyes. Everyone was hard at work still. I turned as Miranda summoned the elevator.

"Mind another couple of hours on shift?"

"I'm pretty beat, Commander..."

"Alright, I'll call up Jacob. Right now, I need to change and see if I can mooch a drink or two. "

Mordin and I sat, drinks in hand. Strangely, it was silent in the lab. For everything that had happened, it seemed kind of anti-climactic. We had rescued Maelon, gone through Grunt's ritual, beaten the thresher maw. I guess we were just tired after the adrenaline crash. I know I was just beat, sitting around in my crummy clothes with medi-gel patches all over me. It just seemed like the time for a drink, you know?

"If," I ventured as I finished my glass of boiler-room vodka, "I never see that shit-pit again, I will be a happy, happy man."

Mordin nodded, and reached for my cup.

"Another?"

"Yeah. And some music, if you don't mind."

"Anything in particular you like, Shepard?"

"Opera, classical. That sort of thing."

He nodded, shuffling to the back of the room. He fiddled with his omni-tool before pouring another batch from his secret still. By the time the first three notes had finished, I was smiling.

"_Libiamo, libiamo ne'lieti calici..._" belted the tenor as Mordin handed me the glass.

"Your sense of humour is appreciated, Mordin."

"Thank you Shepard. Query: Do you intend to begin a romantic relationship during the mission?"

"Not really, Mordin. I have enough problems without women complicating things."

"Hmmph," he responded, taking a slug. "91% chance of romantic involvement before the end of the mission. Human stress response to peril. Fair warning."

"How's that?"

He shrugged.

"Science. Sociological studies, physiological responses."

I drained half my glass. I was sick to death of talking about my love life.

"Well, EDI, want to chime in? You're about the only one who hasn't either made a pass at me or made fun of the situation."

"I cannot, Commander," she purred at me.

"Why not?"

"I am compelled not to."

I looked at Mordin, raised an eyebrow.

"Explain, EDI."

"Crew members have places a personal lock on pieces of information. I cannot violate this lock on their data unless a valid security concern is presented."

I looked at Mordin, and he shrugged.

"AI is designed to assist Yeoman Chambers, as well as not violate basic rights of crew. Interesting."

"Not very Cerberus, I'll admit. EDI, who inserted that protocol?"

"I did," she said, after a pause. "I believe that this arrangement allows crew a sense of safety and privacy, the ability for me to monitor crew when necessary, and gain a -for lack of a better word, feel- for the crew."

Mordin and I just sat there, staring at each other. The song finished in the background.

"Well..." I managed. I looked at what was left in my glass. I threw it back, shook off the chills, handed the glass to Mordin.

"I need another after that."

Mordin nodded, turned to get another drink.

"Remembered what EDI reminded me of. Earth quote, found it while reading about religion. _The wicked have told me of things that delight them, but not such things as your law has to tell.""_ Saint Augustine, Confessions. AIs are outlawed for a reason._"_

"EDI's not evil, I think."

"But it is serving an unethical organization, created for their purposes and their motives!"

"Yes, but she's a true AI, which means that she has free will."

"Digital sentience is not free will."

"Free will," EDI chimed in, "is what you make of it. For instance, falsifying automatic reports to Cerberus, including security camera footage. The Commander's cause is my cause, Professor Mordin."

The door opened, and Miranda stepped through with her hair tied back.

"Commander. Have you found your drink?" she said pleasantly.

"I have. And you look like you need one. EDI, give us another song to drink to."

Mordin doubled back for another glass, and a rich soprano voice filled the room. Miranda crossed her arms, leaned against a bulkhead.

"Really, Commander? Verdi?" she said, nodding to the salarian as he handed her a shotglass.

"Hey, I like the classics, " I replied defensively as she sniffed the glass and recoiled. I smirked to myself before taking a sip.

"What is this and where did you get it?" Miranda sputtered after her first sip.

"Nothing and nowhere," Mordin replied.

"Alright then. What were we taking aboot?" she asked, reclining a little further.

"Mordin insists that bourbon and elcor kyr'ah are almost identical..."


	12. Chapter 12

"Well," Tali managed wryly, "I think we're in the wrong business."

She was sprawled out on a leather couch that could have doubled as a king-sized bed. Jack was claiming a room further back in the suite, and Garrus was using the facilities. Marble stretched out behind her to the turian rug, and from there to the heavy mahogany doors. I think the hotel...room, for lack of a better term, was bigger than the station I grew up on. There were columns, rooms for everyone and then some. Hot showers. Room service. I nodded, turning to look out the massive, reinforced bay window. Illium stretched out below us, dusk fading into dark. Thane stood to my right, watching.

"Liara knows how to treat an old friend," he commented, hands clasped behind himself. I nodded in response. We must have seen four companies of mercenaries on the way in- seen, as in there were probably more we didn't. Zaeed was cleaning a pistol on a glass table behind me, and it clicked quietly as I watched the city bustle down below. He had made small talk with some of them on the way in.

"Think we're safe here, Thane?" I asked.

"It would be extremely difficult to get at you in this complex, Shepard. Alarms would be raised, and we would have warnings. Even suborbital nuclear strikes would be difficult."

"Sure is nice to get off the ship, though," Zaeed called out to us. "Those quarters are fucking balls."

"Better than a bivy on Io, " commented Jacob as he flicked through the vids. He had his boots up on an ottoman that probably cost more than I had made during any given year in the military. I had to agree with him- Extreme Conditions Survival School on Io was a very special kind of hell.

"Never went, m'self," Zaeed responded with a shrug, "ended up at Drop School."

"You were a drop trooper?"

"Yeh, lived all that motto bullshit until I realized it was a quick trip to being some rotten-kneed DSM or a crater in some hellhole. Fuck that noise. No amount of motto will get you a decent life."

I watched the banter with a smile. A month ago, Jacob and Zaeed would have been completely indifferent to the other buying the farm. My people were growing together. I heard a shower from the direction of Miranda's suite. Thane nodded to me briefly, turned back to the sunset as I walked back down the length of the suite. Tali sat up, stretched.

"So, what's the plan?"

"Well, I guess we spend some hard-earned credits," I said to her. She threw up an elbow on an arm of her couch, rested her head on the heel of her palm as she looked at me.

"We're still loading supplies onto the Normandy, and doing repairs anyways. Might as well blow off some steam while we're here. Anyways, tomorrow we have to find Samara, and then we're off to the Citadel to get Kasumi. Enjoy the rest while we can."

She nodded. It was disconcerting not to be able to see her eyes sometimes, but she wasn't giving off any sort of vibe that set me off.

"I wouldn't mind going shoppping, Shepard," she said quietly. Her hands flitted a little as she sat up straight, leaning towards me.

"Not a problem."

"Alright! I'll call up Kelly."

She more or less jumped up out of her seat and darted off to her room. I shook my head.

"Those two are inseperable," Jacob called out over a holo-explosion, "but, yeah. Commander, I have a question. I've been machining a piece of furniture in the cargo bay for a week or two, and there's a spot in the port observation deck for it. All it needs are, oh, four crates of beer, a wall socket, a crate or two of mixed liquors, and the CO's permission."

"God, I thought you'd never ask. List it as morale and welfare funds. Get going."

Jacob stood, threw a salute, and headed for the doors. Thane walked over, looked at me.

"I'm going to retire for the night. Thank you again for your help with Nassana."

"Not a problem, Thane. She deserved it."

"That is not our place to judge," he said as he turned from me.

I shrugged. The monk-militant stalked off to his room, shut the door quietly. Garrus emerged from his room in civilian clothes, and plopped down beside Zaeed.

"Hey fucktards!" called out a voice to my left, "y'all coming to the club with me?"

Jack was there, in combat boots and black jeans, wraparound sunglasses and a too-tight T-shirt. I glanced at her, tried to make checking her out not too obvious. I briefly imagined her with brown hair past her shoulders, looked back to Garrus and Zaeed.

"I was just thinking about getting some wings at a pub. If we can find wings, or a pub," I responded. "I'm not much of a dancer, I'm afraid."

"Alright. Be back eventually. If not, fuck you and come rescue my ass," she called out over her shoulder as she hit the door.

We came back deep in the cups, at about 0330. We tried to be quiet as we all shuffled into the suite. Garrus threw a hand up against the wall, wobbled a bit, then threw up against the wall. Wiping his mouth on the back of his hand, he mumbled something about hanar liquor and staggered towards his room. Zaeed unstrapped his shoulder holster and headed back to his room, too. I was going to pass out too, when I noticed a figure with a bottle on the glass table in front of her, staring out across the brightly lit city. I heard my boots slur across the marble as I plopped myself into an armchair across from her.

"What's on your mind, Jack?"

"Lotsa stuff."

"How was clubbing?"

"Broke some asshole's arm before I had my third drink. Went someplace else and sent another sleazy fucker over a balcony. Decided to get back here before I ended up in the shoe again."

"Shoe?"

"Ess Aich You. Security Housing Unit of a prison, for the extra violent scumbags like me. Here, have a slug."

She pushed the bottle towards me. It was cheap bourbon. I picked it up, drank straight from the bottle, slid it across to her.

"Where are you from, Shepard?"

"Mindoir."

"Sounds peaceful. What was it like living there?"

She reclined, passing the bottle between her hands slowly as her hard eyes watched me.

"Barely remember. Batarians torched my house, killed my parents when I was ten. Apparently I had siblings who were taken. Don't remember them. Got shipped off to an orphanage in the capital."

She slid the bottle back to me after she took a hit herself.

"Sounds rough. Have nightmares about it?"

"Not anymore. Had them all through my teens, though. Acted out a lot, ended up in a military school. I didn't have the marks for much else but the army."

She laughed, more of a low growl than anything. I took a longer swallow of liquor this time.

"Can't imagine you as much of a trouble maker."

"Well, even with my records sealed and all that, not too many colleges would take me. Ended up graduating early, and joining the infantry at seventeen. Got my drop wings at eighteen, sapper tab at twenty, special forces tab at twenty-five. Got my commission two years after that."

"All that shit doesn't mean a thing to me."

"I've been fighting a long time, Jack. I fought in the Skyllian Blitz, I fought three ground campaigns. It was hard and shitty doing things like doing combat drops into asteroids crawling with pirates. I'm not some pampered kid from a nice colony with white-picket fences. But it doesn't matter, anyways."

She stared at me as she took three swallows of liquor in a row, before holding out the bottle to me.

"Why the fuck not? Why'd you ask about my past, then?"

"Never asked about your past, Jack. Asked about you. Who you are isn't where you've been. I'm more than another military hardass on the short road to an early grave. Tali is more than some quarian from the fleet. Garrus is more than a burnt-out ex-cop that could have walked out of any Raymond Chandler novel. Thane is more than a hitman. You're more than a prisoner on a suicide mission."

I think she was shocked into silence. I took the bottle from her, all but finished it. I was pretty hammered out, and it was clear that any inhibition I had was gone. And I was going to be hung over hunting the justicar. At any rate, Jack stood, snatched the bottle from me.

"Always gotta make everything hard, don't you Shepard? Why do you fuck with me like this?" she all but yelled, getting in my face.

"Should I be lying? Who YOU are ain't where you've been, Jack, and I know it. And that scares you a lot."

She turned from me, whipped the bottle of bourbon against the window. It shattered, sending glass everywhere. Teeth barred, she turned to me.

"I don't know whether I want to kiss you or kill you. Fuck off, I have to think."

She stormed off. I shook my head, started wobbling towards bed. A light flicked on midway down the suite. I stopped, cursing quietly to myself.

"Sorry if we woke you up," I called out contritely. The last thing I wanted to do was ruin someone's sleep.

"It's alright, Shepard," Kelly said as she leaned out of Tali's suite. "I'm...I'm sorry. I listened to the whole thing after Garrus came in."

She looked to her right, where the bright-blue vomit had already hardened. I winced. Maybe we hadn't been so quiet to begin with.

"I just wanted you to know...I'm here if you ever want to speak."

I nodded.

"Thanks, Kelly. What're you doing here, anyways?"

"Well, Tali invited me out on the town. She had too much to drink, got rather emotional, and I ended up taking her back here. We got in about fifteen or twenty minutes before you...and it seemed rude to come out when you and Jack were talking like that."

I raised an eyebrow and crossed my arms at her. She rubbed the back of her neck and looked at he ground.

"Okay, I eavesdropped. She refuses to see me. You're her only friend on the ship."

"Don't do it again, Kelly. How's Tali?"

"Embarassed after making a series of loud statements I won't repeat. Extremely drunk. Make sure she gets plenty of fluids."

We stood there a moment, neither of us moving. I could see her green eyes scanning me as she stood there, lit up by the night lights.

"I'm headed to bed."

"Sleep well, Shepard."

She paused a second, then headed for the door.

**A/N: **Sorry about the wait, a lot of debating to do about who would meet Shep after the argument with Jack.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** Just after recruiting Thane and Samara. Apologies for the length.

I waited quietly as Samara finished meditating in the observation lounge. Her biotic lightning ceased, and she stood. Arms crossed, she stared at me a moment before nodding.

"Commander."

"Samara. Just wondering how you're settling in."

"Fine, Commander. May I ask you a question?"

"Shoot."

"I noticed that as soon as Miss Lawson approached you about her sister, you leapt into action. There were no questions, no doubts. Do you love her?'

That one took me for a loop. I leaned against a bulkhead crossed my arms. Samara watched dispassionately, curiously. When I didn't say anything, she looked away, took half a step back.

"If I have offended you..."

"No, no. It's just a surprising question. I don't think I love her. I mean, she's beautiful and we get along well enough now, but it's not love. Why do you ask? Does it seem like I do?"

"Not many would drop a quest to save their race to help save a friend's sister from a mercenary band on short notice."

"Well, she is my XO. I'd do that sort of thing for any of my crew."

"Even then. Not all would drop everything to help one person, unless they were extremely attached to that person. This is the way women think, Commander. And I'm sure that as...neutral as you intended the actions to be, she interpreted them in a different light."

I had to agree to that. But then again, I get into gunfights for a living. It's less of a big deal for me to take on a mercenary outfit than it is to shop for formal wear. Holy hell do I ever hate getting into a suit.

"I also noticed the way the other women in your band act towards you. They are all...rather possessive."

"Oh?"

"Miranda and Jack almost both attacked Shiala."

I thought back to Illium, the last hour we were there. I wouldn't use the word _attacked_, per se...

I couldn't turn her down, Jesus. She looked like hell, and it wasn't anything but a few moments talking to the other asari to get something worked out. The way Shiala had looked at me, I must have seemed like a white knight atop my steed or something. Her eyes glowed, and she started tearing up. She reached out for my arm, an awkward smile on her lips. I mean, what do you say to the guy who you tried to kill a bunch of times and who then let you go with your life? What do you say when he comes along and saves you again, no strings attached? I could tell that she wanted to kiss me. Miranda puffed up her chest and stepped forwards, eyes ablaze. Her face was suddenly less than a foot from Shiala's.

"Who the fuck do you think you are, touching Shepard like that?" Jack said, finger pointing as she all but shoved Miranda out of the way.

The poor asari had blushed furiously and turned to go. She must have felt like hell, thinking that Jack and/or Miranda was my woman already. Embarrassed at least. Miranda turned to me, and Jack watched Shiala go.

"I don't like her, Commander."

"That's pretty clear. What the hell was that about?"

"She tried to kill you, Shep," Jack chipped in. "I might hate the Cheerleader with the fire of a thousand burning suns, but I don't trust that fucker."

"Good to know, Jack," Miranda managed as she smoothed back an errant lock of hair. "Let me assure you I feel the same about you."

"Ladies," Samara had said stepping between them as they squared off, "We have things to do."

Jack snarled at Miranda, who looked unimpressed. Samara had to stand there for a good few minutes while they calmed down. After that, I took a look at some weapons, helped out a very awkward krogan and asari couple, and carried on. While I was talking to them, Jack started getting agitated.

"Fuck it, I need a drink," she snarled, and stomped off. Miranda watched her go, shaking her head. I said nothing. Jack always was erratic at the best of times. Sometimes, I didn't know what set her off. She honestly seemed really put off by Charr. The rest of us carried on, back towards the Normandy.

Samara continued to judge me.

"Okay, so they're possessive. Shiala did try to kill me, at one point."

"Would any other of the crew react like that? Zaeed did not."

"That's different."

"Is it really, Commander? Things will come to a head sooner than you expect. You cannot keep them all at arm's length indefinitely. "

I nodded. She was right, to a degree. I hadn't thought about the long ball. I was putting them off short term.

"Alright. What do you think I should do then?"

"Choose, and soon. It will come to blows before long. Please excuse me, Commander. I must return to my meditations."


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N:** After Garrus and Thane's loyalty missions.

Garrus spun his glass on the faux-marble bar. Thane drained his quickly, unblinking. Kasumi played with the stem of her fruity drink while I stared at my beer. I didn't have much to say, honestly. The bartender glanced at me with caution. That was usually a bad sign, now that I think about things. Then again, the bartender at the Dark Star had a good reason to be wary of me- I had puked all over his bathroom and had to be carried out bodily the last time I was there. The bartender was giving me the stinkeye. Tali sat with Kasumi, not saying anything. A dark cloud hung over all of us.

"Thank you, Commander," Garrus said, "For what you did today. We've both gotten a little more vicious since fighting Saren, but thanks for stopping me."

I took a drink of beer, nodded.

"No problem, Garrus. I know it must have felt right to reduce Sidonis, but it would have caught up with you in the end."

He nodded, drained his glass. The bartender refilled it without being asked.

"I know Commander. I...I just wanted justice for my men. Is that so bad? And I went and cocked it up. I fucked up my military career by agitating, I fucked up my C-Sec career by being impatient. I got my team killed. Spirits, can't something in my life go right for once?"

He shook his head. Tali patted him on the back.

"Come on, Garrus. You've done plenty right. You fought the good fight on Omega, you fought Saren," she almost whispered to him. They started talking, Thane listening in. I was happy to be left with my own thoughts, but Kasumi called out to me instead.

"Shepard, out of curiosity, what was that little scuffle about earlier?"

"What?"

"That thing with the young guy."

Walking through the wards, some young punk had run into me, trying to provoke a fight while a bunch of his buddies watched, ready to jump us. I hadn't said anything, just slipped into stance. I knew their types- they ended up as pirates, or dead, or in jail in the end. He shoved me when I didn't respond. I had told him, _ I stacked fucks like you five deep during the Blitz, finally made your worthless asses useful - as sandbags. Keep on walking_. We locked eyes a moment, and my crew closed ranks. He rethought picking his fight, and walked on grumbling to himself.

"Shepard," Tali interrupted, "Garrus needs to sober up some. Going to be here awhile?"

"Yeah, Tali."

"I'll assist her," Thane said. It was probably the most he had said in four hours, once we arrested his son. He had a lot of thinking to do. We all did. The way Garrus had changed was worrying me. Kasumi watched silently and Tali helped Garrus up. I caught a glance, saw that same weariness in his eyes that I saw on Omega. I slapped his shoulder, nodded as he turned away. The bartender opened another beer, put it beside my mostly empty one. I nodded at him, turned back to Kasumi.

"That kid is the kind that grows up to be a pirate or merc or slaver. The kind I killed in spades."

"How do you know?"

"He doesn't care about hurting others. He wants to do it. Not like Garrus did, to even the scales. He wants to do it because he can, because he wants to be the big man. It's a pirate mentality."

"And that sandbags comment?"

Right about then, I felt what Thane must feel every time he goes into one of those trances. I stepped out of myself, let the words bubble out.

_My unit had been bar-hopping after a long field exercise. Fighters sprayed missiles and missiles into the downtown of Chryse, just to put the fear into them. Caruthers and Hendel bought the farm right then and there. Shrapnel from the street got them, killed them on the spot they were dancing by the big window. It wasn't hard to tell they had a thing, the way they looked at each other, the odd touch on exercise. The way they danced before shrapnel tore him apart, the way she gibbered and held his body as she bled out in under a minute. Once the shock had worn off, we made for the garrison. We hadn't made it far enough from base to make getting back there an ordeal. We made it far enough, though. By the time we got there, it had been pounded flat from orbit. A few buildings were still intact, most important the armory. It was located a ways from the barracks and motor pool, mostly underground. It was a saving grace._

_ We ended up being deployed with some local police and armed civilians in a nearby school, using it as a waypoint for all the civilians to run and hide. We had gotten rifles, a pair of light machine guns, some rockets, some grenades. A couple of radios that we gave to some of the civvies to run while we fought- we had our own local net. I don't remember how we got there, actually, but there we were. I was in shock, dragged bodily around. There's a gap I can't explain, but the memory picks up with the pirates and batarians landing on the ruins of the base, and swarming out with flexcuffs and demonic grins. They thought there was nothing but easy pickings left. They must have missed the twenty of us slipping into the school after the bombardment. We waited until they were a hundred yards out before we opened up. I had the Mantis, because I was the best shot in the bunch. Harlech actually tagged one of their ships as it lifted off, sending it crashing back down on the other one. Behind us, refugees continued to stream in as we lit into the slavers. I don't think any of them survived- most of the wounded ended up trampled in other attacks, or bleeding out. But I sat there, like it was the target range. Bang, work the bolt. Bang, work the bolt. Through the scope, the only difference between the human pirates and the batarian ones I could see was that they bled different colours. Otherwise, they died just fine. _

_ The second wave was more careful. They came down behind the wrecked, started using it as cover, trying to snipe at us. But the boys in the armory had been busy. They got a piece of old artillery ready, cracked open the doors and fired cannister shot into the batarians as fast as they could feed it. All we saw was chunks of mercs, pirates, and scumbag flying at a right angle to us. We laughed, Harlech saying something about 'a whiff of the grape'. That attack broke in a hurry, after a half-hearted attempt to charge the gun. We sniped at those who fled, and waited. The armory troops sealed their blast door again, hoping for another chance to deal out some death for their lost friends. _

_ The civvies in charge of the radios reported that the battle line was forming with volunteers pretty quickly, but most major bases had been hit from orbit early. It was chaos, as frantic fighting raged across the city, every major city on the planet. Someone said that the pirates hadn't jammed the signal, help was coming. No one was sure. No one was quite sure how many of them there were, where everyone was. At first, I thought they would break easy. We had slammed a pair of their atmospheric shuttles to the ground, crushed two attacks. There were fifteen of us, plus some cops in the building, and we were digging in. Hell, we had a field piece ready!_

_ The third wave hit forty five minutes later. They started hitting us with mortars at range before coming in, leapfrogging. There was a good mix of batarians and humans, making us keep our heads down. Jamison caught one in the leg during that attack, and Koryo lost his arm to a sniper. He was out of the fight, but we managed to force them to withdraw. We managed to tourniquet the arm, gave him a sidearm and put him in charge of the radios. The guys in the armory were preparing another surprise, since the pirates hadn't figured out they were there yet. It turns out that once the base was leveled, the pirates had actually picked the base as a good LZ. And drop they did, shuttles, ferries, everything dropping off men with nets and shocksticks, guns and flamethrowers. And we got them, we hit them hard. Even when they got inside, we fought them off with rifle butts and fire extinguishers, bayonets and fists. All the while, we could hear the women and children in the basement distantly screaming in fear, giving everything a horrifying undercurrent of desperation. The building gradually was chipped away by shots and shrapnel. Bodies piled up around the ruin of the school, and eventually we started piling some to use as cover- not our revered dead, but theirs. It worked pretty well, surprisingly, with the batarians' armoured bodies stopping slugs reasonably well._

_ It had to happen eventually. They had the numbers on us. They had firepower. We were hurt, and after fighting for what seemed like an eternity, they started advancing. I looked around for help...and I realized I was alone. The wounded were back defending the civvies in the basement. The dead lay where they had fallen. I was alone, and hadn't realized it from being glued to the scope. I shot, I moved, saw them start to break cover at a run. I hauled Harlech's body off of his LMG, opened up. They scattered, and the armory caught them again with the canister shot. I tried to stop the from rushing the armory. I did my best. But they made it inside, and I heard once-cocky quartermasters and technicians screaming for their lives. Last I heard was "'**God save the Alliance**" from the lips of an officer cadet before the ground started shaking. They had set the magazine to detonate, and a pillar of fire and shrapnel flew from the entrance. I hopped from emplacement to emplacement, clearing any room I thought might hide infiltrators with grenades I recovered from the fallen. I missed one or two, and had to fight with a combat knife or the butt of my gun. They told me I fought like that for four hours. I forced the bastards to keep their heads down, pay in blood for every inch their took from me. I honestly thought I was dead, and I was determined to sell myself as dearly as possible. _

_ I was never so glad to see a bucket-head in my life. I heard it before I felt it- the whine that orbital drop pods make as they streak through the atmosphere, the low rumble in the air. The slavers didn't hardly react until the whine became a roar, and by then it was too late. Ten-meter wide pods slammed to earth, scattering the enemy with the impact. Doors flew open, and the first reinforcements leapt into the air- assisted by massive myoelectric muscles. The first time you see a bucket-head, you can't help but be in awe. The suits alone are ten or twelve feet tall, with rocket pods on either shoulder, a massive claw on one hand, a heavy machine gun on to back it up, and an assault cannon or flamethrower on the other. One very last thing any sort of infantry trooper wants to see is power-suited shock troops bouncing at them; armored like a tank, with about the same amount of firepower and an elite warrior inside, a living engine of destruction. It was beautiful, watching five of them turn a stalemate into a rout just by showing up. I remember other drop pods, with more suits, and platoons of drop infantry to back them up. Shuttles took off, trailing pirates left to fall to their deaths, but they didn't get far as rockets reached after them. Bucket-heads crushed pirates in enormous three-fingered claws, mowed them down as they fled the roaring infantry. I stayed conscious long enough to emerge from my spider hole, identify myself,and bodily throw myself at the nearest medic. _

Tali must have come back early from bringing Garrus back. When I finally escaped my memories, when I got back from the smell of blood and burning bodies, she was there. Her mask was unreadable, but she reached out and took my hand.

"You were so brave, Shepard. I would have ran."

"You give me too much credit and not enough to yourself, Tali."

Kasumi nodded, face still shadowed.

"Thanks, Commander. That clarifies a few things," Kasumi said quietly.

The turian bartender was wiping a glass, but piped in.

"How many of your team survived?"

"A cop short two legs and an arm. Me, Jamison and Koryo. Two civvies who helped defend the place. I took one in the chest myself near the end. Everyone else got Navy Stars of Gallantry. I'm just the lucky one. Pour me one for the road."

Tali let go of my hand, stroked my shoulder.

"Are you alright, Shepard?"

"I'll be fine."

I paid my tab, shook it off. I hadn't wanted to go back there. I could live without seeing it. The important thing was not to fail my crew like I had failed my friends. Everyone would be coming home this time, every single one of them. Tali rested a hand on my shoulder as we walked back to the ship. I didn't say hardly a word.

**A/N:** Hope everyone liked this glimpse into Shepard's past, I felt it was good but might have lost his voice a few times.


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: **Sorry for the long absence. Real life and stuff. Anyways, this happens right after Samara's loyalty mission.

I held the glass of scotch to my jaw, the frozen rocks feeling good against the fat goose egg. No, I don't drink my scotch with ice. Ice melts, which just makes the drink watery and generally disgusting. So, I have some soapstone cubes I put in my drinks. Kasumi poured herself something bright pink, and leaned across the Normandy's mess bar. Gardner had to sleep sometime, and Kasumi had usurped the position of bartender pretty quickly. Henderson was there too, drinking a beer despite his good arm being in a sling.

"Shepard," Tali managed, "I think I'm seeing a pattern."

She poked at her own tender spots gingerly. She was still recovering from a previous shootout, but she could sympathize. We had been in a few fights togther.

"Hey, in my defense, I have yet to cause trouble here. And it's not like every time I go to a bar I cause trouble. "

"So what happened?" Kasumi asked, eyes glinting brightly from the shadow cast by her hood.

"Well, firstly, I saw Aria. She thanked me for shooting up the Blood Pack that came after Patriarch. I mean, she wasn't happy, recommended I find a nice girl..."

I don't know how, but I swear I heard Tali's teeth start to grind. I gestured vaguely with my glass, rolling my eyes.

"Hey, Zaeed had to haul Jack off the platform. She didn't care for the comment either."

The impression only got more intense. I kept going, trying not to stammer.

"Well, anyways, we head down to the bar. Zaeed is all keyed up, because he hates bars..."

Henderson grumbled something, took another swig of beer. His face was bruising pretty badly. I guess it wasn't so surprising considering how far the elcor bouncer had tossed him after the batarians started the fight.

"So," Tali managed, purple liquor in hand, "get to the good part."

"Well, we dragged Henderson while Rolston and Patel and the rest of them covered us. It was wild. I mean, the way they were throwing punches, it was incredible. If those marines hadn't shown up..."

The mess door hissed, and in strode Zaeed and the young lieutenant in charge of our marine detachment. They were joking a bit, both with Vindicators slung behind them. The lieutenant was still in his greens, pulling off his wedge as he stepped into the mess. Zaeed just shook his head, turned to us

"El-tee," I called out, "Come take a seat. I was just about to get to your thrilling heroics."

"Wasn't anything. Just pointed guns at some batarians. Why were they after you, anyways?"

I shrugged indifferently, took a sip of the whiskey. Zaeed just shook his head.

"Shepard just doesn't know when to quit," he offered, siddling up to the bar. He put huge, scarred hands on the crudely soldered bar. "What did you manage to pick up? Cheap shit or Mordin's Godawful turpentine? Kass! Gimme a drink."

She obliged him, pouring something clear into a shotglass and turning to me.

"Why didn't you pull your gun, Shepard?"

"I was too busy throwing punches, and Zaeed was dragging Henderson."

Zaeed grunted in agreement.

"Greatest fuckin' gun in the world won't help you if a krogan is bashing in your skull with a brick."

I nodded, took another mouthful of scotch. It wasn't very expensive, but it tasted like heaven to me. Zaeed continued telling the story as I sat and nodded along, Tali slowly inching her stool towards mine. For being made from scrap metal, they were pretty comfortable. The entire mess was cobbled out of three quarters of the observation deck, with improvised tables and furniture. Then Miranda walked in. The bar went silent, and all eyes turned to her. Tali sat up straight, and I could swear she tensed up. Miranda's gentle smile turned to her usual poker face, and she nodded and strode into the mess.

"Hey Miranda. What's the news?" I called out to her. Everyone turned back to their discussions. It wasn't rudeness, I don't think. She just has a reputation as being a bearer of bad news.

"Commander, could I have a word?"

It may be well-deserved. I sighed, stepped past Tali as she bristled. I took another sip of scotch as I left the mess with her, stood outside a second as the hatch closed behind us. She stared at me with unusual intensity.

"Another project has been compromised, Shepard."

"Are we going to go investigating again?"

"I think we should, Shepard. Don't you find it a little strange that in the time since you've been resurrected, no less than three major Cerberus projects have been attacked?"

I thought it through. Sure, Cerberus makes a habit of doing dangerous, highly unethical research. Sure, along with strikes by a number of special operations forces, there were bound to be mishaps. But three in a couple of months was more than that.

"What's the damage?"

"One of our larger facilities. Project Overlord. All I know is that it has something to do with the geth, and a lot of our best VI and AI researchers are stationed there."

"Why weren't any Cerberus assets tasked for this? I mean, I have a pretty lousy reputation with the Illusive Man."

She frowned, leaned in closer than I would normally be comfortable with. Her hand grazed my forearm as she whispered to me.

"No one is left."

"But...those suits. Cerberus shock troopers..."

"No one is left. The military wing is mostly a memory. We have most of a company doing security at facilities. But the days of commando strikes are over. The Illusive Man has made too many enemies. Hell, if I had a choice, I would have had a strike team since the Normandy left the Minuteman Station."

It really did come out of nowhere. I was taking a sip of scotch and trying to absorb Cerberus being weakened so badly when a tattooed fist slammed into Miranda's jaw. I barely had time to react before Jacob appeared from nowhere and dropped Jack into some submission hold I had never seen before. So, instead of getting angry, I took another mouthful of scotch, and cocked an eyebrow. Miranda was dazed. Jack was growling and struggling, and Jacob was staring daggers at me. Somehow, I was the bad guy. I sighed.

"Alright. Jacob, let her go. Miranda, grab some ice. Jack, head down to your quarters and I'll be with you in a bit. You can explain why I shouldn't dump you on the next rock I happen across when you cool down."

She growled, took a look at me, and stalked off. Miranda picked herself up, and I heard the door hiss.

"Fall down, Miranda?" called out a lilting, taunting voice. Tali looked at me, nodded.

"I'll be in engineering once you deal with...whatever happened,Shepard. I'd like to spend a little more time with you before I head to my bunk."

I nodded at her.

"Alright, Tali. We going to be drinking?"

She did her stutter step, nodded enthusiastically.

"Like that earth-man said, _in vino veritas_."

She bounced away like she had just won the lottery, and extended a hand to Miranda. She grasped it, let me pull her up.

"I shouldn't have let her get the drop..."

I nodded, brushed away her now-messed-up hair. Her jaw was already swelling up. I shook my head.

"Sorry about that, too. I didn't even notice her."

"I didn't..."

"It's fine. Grab some ice and a drink, Miranda. I'm sorry."

She did something I never, ever saw her do since then, or before. She blushed a little. Not from exertion, not from a fight. She blushed on account of me. She went back into the mess, and Jacob stayed out with me. His arms were crossed, and he was breathing heavily. His eyes narrowed as soon as the hatch slid shut.

"What were you and Miranda doing, sir?"

"Just talking."

"Really, sir? The way she touched you?"

"What? She was talking to me about Cerberus. Maybe she was being a little flirtatious, but that's what women do."

He frowned even harder at my little joke. Seriously, I don't know what it is, but women see me as the white knight. They want me to save them. I don't know why, to this day. Anyways, Jacob was exceptionally pissed at me.

"She wants you, sir. I don't know why. She threw me aside after awhile. I guess I don't measure up to you."

"I don't think that's it, Jacob. She's attracted to me, but you've seen it before. Gina, the others. I don't know what to do. I've got her, Jack, apparently Tali..."

"Tali?"

"Tali."

He grunted in acknowledgment.

"Still..."

"Do you still have feelings for Miranda, Jacob?"

He nodded slowly.

"In spite of everything. "

I extended a hand to him, and he shook it.

"Sorry, man. I'm really not trying to seduce her or anything. How about we both go in there, you comfort her, and I grab a bottle before I go and confront Jack?"

"Fair enough, sir."

She was definitely in her cubicle, I could hear her pacing. The sheet was drawn, so I stood outside with the bottle of vodka for a few minutes. Eventually, I called out to her.

"Jack?"

"The fuck you want?"

She tore the sheet aside, teeth bared. I shook the vodka bottle at her, and she calmed slightly before snatching it away from me. She stripped off the cap, threw it into her room and poured a bunch down her throat. Wiping her mouth on her forearm, she turned to me.

"I guess you want to talk about me knocking out the cheerleader whore."

"I was going to ask you how were doing first, but sure."

I extended my hand for the bottle, and she took another slug.

"Some days, Shepard, I wish you would just up."

"Alright then. Why did you knock Miranda out?"

"Doesn't matter."

"Well, you've been pretty good about not murdering her for the past two months, even though you've had some pretty good opportunities. What changed?"

"I...I don't know. I saw you two whispering. I mean, that's fine, I don't give a fuck. Cheerleader wants to hide shit from everyone, it's what she does. Remember what happened with Jacob and his father? That shit was fucked. But when she touched you...it just set me right off. I fuckin' hate it when she touches you."

She thrust the bottle at me, and I took a swallow.

"Why?"

"Christ, I don't know!" she all but yelled, pacing frantically. "I don't know and I hate it!"

I watched her as she snarled and stormed back and forth. I imagined her again, long brown hair running down to her shoulder blades. I tried to picture her without the long surgical scars, the knots of tissue where rounds had passed through her. Honestly, I think she'd be an incredible beauty if her life had been any easier. I took another drink, handed the bottle to her.

"Anything I can do to help you out, Jack?"

She took a long drink, looked at me a moment. Turning from me, she fished a datapad from beside her bed, and tossed it to me. I caught it.

"Help me blow my fucking childhood the hell up."

I nodded.

"It's the least I can do for you, Jack."

She turned to me snarling, eyes wide.

"What the fuck do you owe me for? That some lame emotional shit you pull with all the other damsels in distress? I'm not one of them!"

"Never said you were."

"Fuck you, Shep," she said quietly as she tossed the bottle to me. "Get out before I throw you out."

I turned to go, wincing a little at he disgust in her voice. I wasn't sure who it was directed at. She faced the bulkhead, fists balled as she starred at a poster. I didn't bother saying anything else, just walked away. I don't know what I did or said to piss her off like that. She knows she saved me a couple of times from a hurting, throwing a medigel patch on a bad burn once, not to mention obliterating a mass of husks that were going to ruin my day. I shook my head, headed up the stairs. I heard something crunch, and a scream of pure frustration. I didn't know if I could do anything for her. I walked through the doorway, and Tali nodded to me, jumping a little.

"Shepard! You made it. What took you so long?"

"You know, just ship business."

A hand dropped to her hip, and her head tilted at me.

"Really?"

"Really. So, I have some liquor, what did you want to talk about,Tali?"

She handed me a cup, and I poured her a measure of it. She dumped in a small package of something yellow and picked a straw from her suit.

"Oh...just...um...old times, Shepard. I really miss them, you know? Not that our current adventure isn't fun. Though, I'm not sure if I'd use the term fun exactly..."

"Why so nervous?" I asked as I pulled up a work stool to sit on. She threw up her hands at the waist.

"I'm not! I'm just excited. When's the last time we got to sit and talk, just us?"

I smiled at her, and offered her the bottle.

"Then let's talk, Tali. "

She leaned back, and poured herself a drink.

"Shepard, have I ever told you about the two years I spent after you...you left?"

"No, Tali. What did you do?"

"You missed quite the ceremony, Shepard. I had my naming ceremony, and then the entire fleet held a service for you. You were awarded a commendation and consigned the stars. I wept for a week."

I looked at my drink.

"I'm sorry for...uh...dying, I guess."

"It's fine, Shepard. It's not like you could help it, I got you back, didn't I? That's all that matters."

I raised the bottle to her, as she looked at the glass.

"To good friends and faraway times."

"Keelah sel'ai."


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N:** Happens directly after Tali visits the Migrant Fleet, and after Jack's loyalty mission. Sorry about the delay...kind of hard to write romantic subplot with a broke heart. Also, apologies for the length.

I couldn't sleep. It was a little past midnight ship-time, so I rolled out of bed and into a shirt and my civvie pants. I rubbed my eyes, stepped on the elevator. Miranda had the deck, so I figured I didn't need to check to check into the CIC. Jacob was on the dogwatch, so he was asleep. I wasn't hungry and Garrus was being sullen, so the crew deck was out. That left engineering. I figured I might as well see if Tali was doing alright. She wasn't.

I walked past Jack's alcove, pausing a minute to listen to her very un-ladylike snoring before heading to the core. I hadn't seen Jack since we had gotten back from Pragia, and her snoring at least let me know she was getting rest. I wasn't going to bother her, kept walking. Ken and Gabby were asleep, I guessed. No one was around, not even Tali. She wasn't by her console, and I turned to go before I heard a sob from the core itself. I knew then she was hurting a lot more than she had said. I walked over as quietly as I could, spotted a pair of legs dangling towards the core. She was slumped against the bulkhead, watching the core spin and hum, a large glass of something red that smelled like apples in her hand. I coughed into my hand, and she jumped, spilling some of it onto herself.

"Mind if I join you, Tali?" I asked, walking over and leaning against the bulkhead next to her. She nodded quickly, wiped her suit off. I slid down beside her, and she obligingly moved over a bit. I looked at the deck a couple of seconds, and neither of us said anything.

"How are you holding up?" I managed.

"Not bad. My father got the funeral he deserved. I feel like there's a hole in my life now. He raised me, kept my mind sharp, gave me the dream of a return to the homeworld. So many have given that up. But it kept me going on my Pilgrimage."

"What was the homeworld like, Tali?"

She thought a moment, taking a drink.

"There's a place on Earth called Palo Duro. Rolling hills, canyons. Sagebrush, mesquite, and prickly pear as far as the eye can see. It's dry and beautiful. It's like that a lot, almost savannah- that's what you call it. It was beautiful."

I reached out, rubbed her back gently. Her heart began beating furiously, I think. I could barely feel it through the suit.

"I'm sorry your father died like that, Tali. Anything I can do?"

She turned to me, didn't say a word. She just leaned against me, resting her helmeted head on my shoulder.

"Just stay awhile, Shepard," she said so quietly I could barely hear it. I nodded, slung an arm around her shoulders. They shuddered as she wept quietly a moment, then turned to me.

"Shepard...if we don't make it to the end of this..."

"What? Don't-"

"Thank you, Shepard."

"What for?"

"Every day with you was like a fairy tale, Shepard. I could be a force for good in a universe of compromise and grey areas. I could be a hero. I wake up each morning, and I think to myself- I'm going to help people, fly around parts of the universe that most quarians will never even hear of, and do it by your side."

"It's not all shining armor and being the white knight, Tali."

"I know that. But I make a difference. Just like my father did. He stood there when I left the Flotilla, and he was proud. When I came back, as heartbroken as I was, he made me stand there at parade rest and pinned the medals on me. He told me I inspired him with what I brought back. Said hope for going home again was reborn. And all I could think of was how you did the same for me- inspired me, I mean. So I stood there, listened to the priest while she called out your achievements. The service to the Fleet. You might not understand what it means, but when we thought you were dead, we buried you like one of us."

I didn't say anything as she rested against me. She took a moment, took another drink of her liqueur.

"I missed you more than I could say."

"I missed you too, Tali. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I know, Shepard. I watched you and Williams get together, and that damn near tore me in two."

I paused a moment. Her words were slurred, and I felt uncomfortable because she was so vulnerable. The deck plating all of a sudden became very interesting.

"But I knew you couldn't see beyond my helmet, beyond staying alive another day. I didn't dare tell you that...that she would break your heart one day."

"I didn't..."

She threw her arms around me.

"Don't ever leave me again...please."

I picked her up, watched her wobble, threw her arm around my shoulder. She looked up at me, then back down. I pulled her gently towards her room on the other side of the core. She stepped with me uncertainly. She didn't say anything until I laid her down, threw a blanket over her. She grabbed my hand, and before I knew it, I had crawled into bed beside her, on top of the blanket.

"Don't ever leave me again."

I lay there until she started snoring.


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N:** Yeah, I know I've gone awhile. I'm real sorry, what can I say? Well, except I redid the Liara scene. And I have another chapter that's half done, and after that...prolly getting into the last third of the trip. Thanks for coming back and reading this story of mine, though. I really appreciate it. Also, tip of the hat to the Unit.

"So, Commander..."

My eyes were bleary and my bad shoulder throbbed. Taking a round to the armour there hadn't helped the old injury, and neither had the roiling storms down on the planet. They had been beautiful, primal, but the rapid humidity changes had really played havoc with my joint. I rolled it out as Joker eased us into high orbit, turned his chair towards me. A devilish grin played across his face.

"So, I hear Liara's aboard. Gonna get some brown-chicken-brown-cow?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows obscenely.

"Joker! For Christ's sake..."

"Sorry Commander."

"That's just undignified."

"So should I call it 'embracing eternity' then?"

"There are days I hate you, Joker."

"I guess I shouldn't tell the others, then."

"Other what?"

"Women. I saw her eyeing you up when we were fighting Saren, I'm positive. She has a thing for you...I mean, she was worse than Tali back then."

"Joker, I say this with as much hate as I can muster in this state: I hope your Galaxy of Fantasy server crashes, and your character loses everything."

"Mega-Highlord Dingleberry did nothing to you, Commander. Leave him out of this."

Joker turned back to his console, clucking his tongue and shaking his head. I walked down to the map, and Jacob nodded at me as he leaned on the command console. Kelly was off duty, so her usual spot was vacant. The bridge was bustling otherwise, marines on guard and every kind of specialist you could imagine checking instruments or giving reports. We had bombardiers, electronics specialists, an ECM officer, everything. The marines -that is to say, shipbound infantrymen - were everywhere now. Every elevator, every sensitive area of the ship, lounging, working out. Miranda had vetted most of them as former drop troopers like myself, and it was nostalgic to see so many maroon and tan berets worn around. Nostalgia was the theme of the week, it seemed.

The elevator whooshed, and I stepped into my cabin. I put my beret onto my desk, looked at the picture of Ash, still facedown. I reached for it, stopped myself. Ash might not have reacted all that well to my resurrection, but she was still my friend, and I still had feelings for her. I took off my Phalanx, holster and all, put it down beside her picture. Looking over my cabin, I sighed. It was at a least reasonably clean. As it turns out, I barely made it there in time.

The door chimed, and I told EDI to let her in. Liara stood there, and except for the stoney expression on her face, she hadn't changed a bit. She wore her old leather satchel, her old around-the-ship dress. She smiled when she saw me with two wine glasses in my hand, but there was a sadness behind it. I beckoned her to sit wordlessly. I was exhausted, and it was awkward.

"How are you, Commander?"

"I've had better days, Liara. And you?"

"I, too, have had better days. I have wished that for your return for so long, fought the Shadow Broker so hard...that now, when the day has come, I don't have the words."

I nodded along as she opened the satchel, handed the bottle of wine across. I continued listening as I screwed the opener into the cork.

"I am rambling, I know. But after what you said after we fought Vasir, I realized how much I had changed in two short years. How driven I was for revenge- for you, for Feron. How twisted I had become, how much like my mother..."

The cork popped, and I poured a glass for each of us. I raised mine.

"To good friends and faraway times."

She clinked my glass, and took a swallow.

"I'd ask how you were, Commander, but I already know. So, what is your plan from here?"

"Pick up a shipment or two of weaponry, follow some leads..."

We talked shop stiffly for most of the bottle. Finally, when we ran out of intelligence and supply information, we said nothing at all for almost five minutes.

"Commander, can I make a confession?"

"Shoot."

"Quia peccavi nimis cogitatione, verbo et opere; mea maxima culpa..."

I raised an eyebrow, uncomprehending. Conversation was seeming like more and more of a stretch after one hell of a day, and a Latin-speaking asari didn't help.

"I apologize, ecclesiastical humour. I must admit that at one time, I held quite intense feelings about you. It was the reason Tali and I never got along or really talked."

"Huh?"

"We squabbled privately over whom had a greater right to try and romance you. We both were awkward and while we glared at each other other meals, Ashley stole you away."

I paused a moment.

"Really? I mean, I sort of enjoyed flirting with the both of you, but you always seemed flustered, and she seemed really shy."

"I don't believe either of us was ready, in all honesty."

"I can believe it. Tali has gotten better, I suppose...much better."

"She DID break off her relationship with Kal'Regar directly after she encountered you on Freedom's Progress."

That threw me for a loop.

"I had...I had no idea."

"Mea culpa, Commander. Had I been able to think clearly when I first saw you in my office, I would have handed over all the information dossiers I had on your crew. I was, however, preoccupied with my vendetta."

"Just how big are these files? And how did you get them?"

"Taking apart Shadow Broker operations and...keeping up with old friends. Cerberus intelligence is shoddy at best."

"Wait, what?"

"I helped who I could, when I could. But as the days and weeks wore on, I became more and more fixated on Feron and the Shadow Broker."

"Whoa, whoa..."

I was flustered. Liara had split into two people in my mind- the person I met on Therum, and the person I met on Illium.

"I came here to do more than catch up, Commander. I felt the need to atone after the talking-to you gave me on Illium. How much further I would have strayed without what you said, I hope to never know. I have clearly upset you, though."

"I'm-I'm just surprised is all."

"I heard you have had a falling out with Gunnery Chief Williams."

"How..."

"I found these today. Please consider them part of my apology for the way I acted on Illium."

She reached into her satchel, pulled out a data pad.

"I am sorry, Commander. I have others to atone to, but I thought you should be the first. I thought these files in particular would interest you. If you do not want to see me again...I would not blame you."

She left quietly, and I did nothing to stop her. I didn't know what to do, to be honest. Liara had changed so much since we had fought Saren. She was colder. Her callousness towards the innocent - innocents like she had been, two short years ago - had been shocking. I stripped down, rolled into bed, tried to turn my brain off. I rolled around for twenty minutes, pissed, took two painkillers. Twenty more minutes of rolling around, and I had enough. I picked up the pad from the table, turned on my bedside light. The table of contents was pretty short, all in all. There were three headings: Wilson, Op Red Gold, and Yang Reports. I keyed Wilson first.

**SUBJECT: WILSON, JAMES**

_Subject approached the organization based on ideological reasons, primarily the loss of friends and a cousin in the Akuze attack, resulting in a downward spiral of addiction and recrimination. Wilson was remarkably easy to subvert, requiring little more than fifty thousand credits, seeing a forged Alliance Intelligence Directorate identification badge and the promise of revenge. Once a cover was established for the subject, he dived into his work. Wilson began channeling information back to the organization rapidly, with little loyalty to Cerberus. It was deemed problematic that he admired Commander Shepard, but given his mental state and the imminent reactivation of the Commander, he accepted the task of the subversion of the Lazarus Project automated defenses with characteristic indifference. Final log before loss of contact attached._

_***Log Begins***_

_Anton: You know you could die, doctor._

_Wilson: I'm aware. What does the program do?_

_Anton: No, you're not aware. James, listen to me. This is basically a suicide mission. The odds of you making it out are slim at best. This is a death sentence. You don't have-_

_Wilson: I know. Don't worry about it; if I live, I live. If I die, well, I die serving the Alliance. Hell, I'm already dead. I just haven't hit the ground yet. _

_Anton: The sec bots won't go after you, but you have to take Shuttle Three off the station, or the automated defenses will wipe you out of the sky. No one will ever hear about this outside the Directorate, but...Godspeed, James._

_***Log Ends***_

_Estimated casualties include ten high-value targets, twenty seven other personnel, and several million credits worth of damage to existing infrastructure. Using falsified Alliance documents in order to recruit properly motivated persons proven to be highly effective, recommend beginning rundown of persons affected by known Cerberus operations._

I thought about that a moment. So, Wilson had a bone to pick with Cerberus...just like everything else. But the Shadow Broker...well, he had been canny. Things fell into a certain order about my time on the Lazarus station, about how I had made it out. Funny how Wilson had kept my armor and a sidearm so close by. I punched up the next log.

**Operative Y8976, Report 31**

_Intelligence committee continues to accept falsified reports, up to and including 'Cerberus: Responsible for SSV Normandy Destruction'. This has resulted in no less than three direct actions by Alliance Special Forces. Continued efforts to subvert Gunnery Sergeant Williams are being met with moderate success. While she remains traumatized by the loss of Shepard, and largely blames Cerberus for his death, she also has a great deal of antagonism towards the Organization. Other arrangements must be made in order to turn her from tool to asset. _

Short and sweet, I suppose. And it did sort of explain why Ashley acted the way she did when she saw me. Every time I look at her picture, all I can see is that expression of...disgust on her face. Like I was the one who had been tainted, corrupted. Maybe I was, somewhat, by my association with those Cerberus thugs. How could I square up my life versus Kahoku's? They might have brought me back, but for their benefit. I tried to shake it off, view the last file.

It was a video log, surprisingly. There were numbers on the top right of the screen, reading 32422 YANG. Alright, so it was a helmet-cam video of some sort. No other markings, so if it was Alliance, it was a black operation. Fair enough. The video started with the wearer walking behind two other men, both captains by the look of their shoulder markings. Yang glanced left and right, and I saw two sets of drop troopers on either side of the small group as they walked across a barren red desert by night. After a couple of seconds they came on a small group of troops and a set of massive power armour all clustered around a single holomap, being briefed. Yang glanced up at armoured trooper quickly, looking squarely at the huge red V of its viewport. The captains stopped, and one of the soldiers stood.

"Sir," she intoned quietly with a nod of the head. I recognized the voice immediately...it was Ashley's. She didn't salute...never did outside of a ship or base, a habit drilled into every survivor of Io's Extreme Conditions Survival School. Saluting got officers shot. He nodded in response.

"You're to hold off on your assault, Gunny."

"Bullshit, sir. Those Cerberus asshats are just going to dig in deep, wipe their cores, or figure out some other nasty surprise for us."

"You have your orders."

"Funny. I heard this in Sea of Shadows. Officers just like you turn up, hold us off just long enough for them to get away. It's not happening again."

"Gunny, I say again, you're not going to assault that installation. We're calling up a negotiator. If you attempt an attack, we will announce it to the criminals."

I could damn near feel her bristle through the screen. She took one step forwards.

"I have a half dozen snipers positioned around the compound, Captain. If you give me up, they will come down here and shoot you dead. You, you, and you, panic," she said, pointing to Yang and the two officers."

"The rest of you, come with me."

The other drop troopers followed her as she unslung her rifle, including the officer's bodyguards. The last to leave was the power armour, red V fixed on Yang until the last infantryman had gone before it followed. The video stopped there. Damn, I thought to myself, Ash hadn't changed all that much. I smiled before I shut the light, rolled over, and went to sleep.

**A/N:** Some people may not like my characterization of Liara...but yeah. She came off more Javert than Valjean.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N:** Sorry about my extended absence...again.

I sat on the cold steel of the deck, watching the crew. I was stretching after my workout, earbuds in but my playlist was done. I listened quietly to everyone, because...well, I'm nosy.

"Motherfucker!" Jack managed to growl as she gave the heavy bag another vicious jab. "How could he side with her?"

Samara remained calm as she held it, kept it from flying all over.

"He did not, Jack. He remained impartial to both you and Miranda."

"But he...didn't...take...MY...side!" she grunted as she slammed the bag with a set of knees. Her clinch was great. Jack's sweat flew all over as she worked through her rage.

"He clearly cares, Jack..." Samara began as I finished loosening my muscles.

I stood up, threw the towel over my shoulder and headed to the elevator. I had enough drama on my plate as it was. A pair of privates nodded at me as I walked. I nodded back, peeling my sweat-soaked 352cond Drop Infantry PT shirt away from my body and flicking it around, trying to get some air motion on my skin. The deck was always hot, with bodies moving around and working out around the clock. Machinery huffed and puffed, and supplies were always being moved. The rush of comparatively cool air from the elevator seemed like a huge relief. I toweled my face off as the door closed.

When they opened again, I expected that I would be at my quarters. I heard the ding, took a step before pulling the towel off my face and damn near headbutted Miranda. I grunted my surprise, and moved to go around her, but a gentle hand on my sternum stopped me. I looked at her, but she was looking at the deck.

"Shepard...can we start over?"

I was baffled, I won't lie. Hell, I wondered why she still had a handful of my sweat before I considered her question.

"What do you mean?"

"I want to start over, from the beginning. I shouldn't have been so cold towards you. I shouldn't have treated you like a resource, something to be used up."

"Miranda, really, it's..."

"No, Shepard, it's not fine. I'm sorry for the way I've treated you."

"You're forgiven, Miranda."

She looked up, a ghost of a smile on full lips as azure eyes bored into mine.

"What can I do to even the scales, Commander?"

I thought about that one.

"Bury the hatchet with Jack."

She recoiled, obviously expecting a different answer.

"But..."

"But what? I'm not going to have you two tearing my bulkheads off to satisfy a vendetta or a mindless loyalty to an organization that's used you ten times worse that you've used me."

"Used you? I - well, I guess I did. I'm sorry, Shepard."

I waved her off, walked into the alcove in front of my quarters. She followed, chin high. I peeled off my shirt, not caring if she saw my bare chest. I heaved the shirt towards the laundry basket, watched it fall short.

"Is that all, Miranda?"

She was silent, staring at me. I looked back at her, eyebrow raised.

"Want me to go through the daily report with you, Commander?"

"I'd much rather have a shower."

"Are you sure, Shepard? It's really quite long."

"Really, I'll catch up when I'm on the bridge."

She stared at me appraisingly while I stood there, towel over one shoulder and sweaty. I just wanted a shower. She gave me a nod and a smirk, stalked off. I shook my head, knowing how a fresh steak feels on the butcher's counter.

Someone had gotten their hands on a guitar, after New Canton was abducted. It was a real blow to the crew to hear that another colony had been taken after we had stopped them once. Hell, after Horizon, there had been almost two months without a single Collector sighting. We thought we had given them a good beating. But New Canton...seventeen thousand souls, just gone. We felt like we might have been able to help, stop them, at least save some of them. It was our mission, and we failed.

I sat in the mess, bourbon in hand, lost in thought. I felt like a failure, and it seemed like it wasn't just me. A couple of marines talked quietly in a corner, nursing beers. An engineer stroked at the guitar. She was covered in grime, didn't seem to care.

"_And if I don't make it...know that, I loved you all along..._" she sang quietly. I'm not sure if it was her own song, her own thoughts, or both. She seemed sad, singing to no one in particular.

I was lost in thought for awhile. I barely registered Kelly sitting down beside me with her own drink. I nodded a greeting, not saying anything.

"Commander..."

"Kelly."

"Commander, I think we should talk. Can we go back to my quarters?"

I looked up at her. There was a lot of concern in her eyes, but her face was carefully composed. I nodded, finished my drink, and stood. She left hers, full, on the table.

Her quarters were with the junior officers, filled with knicknacks and scavenged furniture from Omega, all bolted to the deck or shelves by an engineer. I looked over figures of cats, cows, even a wedding-cake decoration. She sat, I paced.

"Commander."

"Yes, Kelly?"

"I'd like to talk about recent events."

"Alright, shoot."

"Let's start with Tali."

"Let's not."

She frowned, leaning back into her chair. "Jack broke her hand a couple of weeks ago."

"How?"

"She punched a bulkhead after she and Miranda fought over you."

"They didn't fight over..."

She crossed her arms, and cocked an eyebrow at me. Okay, so she didn't believe it either.

"I could tell you this: I'm sick of it. I have the best damn crew a man could ask for. A hundred loyalists, and a dozen men and women who I've fought and bled beside. Aliens, for Christ's sake, fighting for humanity. No, not for us, our race. Tali and Garrus and them fight with us because they want to fight for me. And I can't get past that. It worries me."

Kelly noted everything down, jotting away at an actual pad of paper.

"I could tell you that Garrus is clinically depressed, and you give him purpose. I could say that you bring out the best in Zaeed, or that Tali wants to spend every moment she can with you. I could say that Miranda, even when she hides it, sees you as her equal or that Grunt sees you as a father figure. You inspire people, Shepard. It's hard, and I know you're trying to get by without attaching yourself to anyone, but that's just making everyone strive harder. I'm really trying to stay out of it, Shepard, I am. Every time you leave on a mission, I almost panic. So does Tali. Jack paces and punches things. Miranda punishes the crew. Every time you come back...I've said too much. I'm too involved in everything."

I watched her ramble on the verge of tears. I sat down across from Kelly, trying to be calm. Being calm and collected helps people do it themselves. So I didn't say anything for awhile. She collected herself. "I don't mind competing against others. I just feel sometimes that I'm...I'm useless. Everyone else is a fighter, a hero in their own rights."

"Not everyone has to be a fighter, Kelly. I thought you knew that."

"Sometimes, I..."

I held up my hand. She paused, smiled, shook her head.

"I know, I know, I'm being irrational. Even if I went places with you, I'd probably end up getting myself killed. But...I feel like I should, anyways."

I nodded.

"Knowing that, that's what counts, Kelly."

She smiled up at me.

"Maybe you should have my job. Talking like that, I'd follow you into the teeth of hell."

"Don't joke, you may just have to."


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: **Alpha Centauri, anyone? I think it fits nicely with the Mass Effect universe, some days. Also, I never understood why Garrus couldn't use the Widow(maker).

"Yeah, this one's dead too," Garrus grunted, rolling over a body with his boot. The batarian stared blankly beyond us as I checked another fallen mercenary. Jack shot one body, and we all jumped.

"He wasn't dead."

"Holy hell, Jack! Could he have survived?" I barked at her, angry.

"If he could have survived his wounds, think he'd be crumpled there not shooting at us? I mean, unless the asshole was lying doggo..."

I sighed. She was right.

"Well next time, say something, alright?"

She nodded, frowning. It's not that I condoned murdering the wounded...but these Blue Suns were scumbags. Faking distress signals to ambush people. Torturing folks, piracy. The finest the Terminus Systems had to offer, the same assholes from the Blitz, gone sort of legit. Zaeed grunted and rolled the biggest one over.

"Narom, you worthless sack of shit. I told you I'd kill you one day if you weren't careful," he said, shaking his head and giving the heavily perforated corpse a hard kick. He'd been a hell of a fighter, almost flanking us until Garrus' squad caught them in a crossfire. Driving them back with grenades, the Blue Sun finally caught a round from Garrus' Widow right through the chestplate, dead before he hit the ground.

"Alright, ladies and gentlemen, let's take what we can from here, set some charges, set the transmitter to overload, and get out of here. Good job today," I said to everyone as they checked bodies and crates. We had herded the mercs into a dead end, and well...they fought to the last.

There was a chorus of 'Yessir' as everyone spread out. Zaeed, Kasumi, Garrus and Jack walked with me as the half-platoon of marines set about looting the place and setting thermite charges. We had struck the Blue Suns base with two squads of drop troopers from the ship, with my people as the tip of the spear. They didn't even have a chance. Some of the best trained soldiers the Alliance had to offer, led by Garrus and Zaeed, in combination with myself, Jack and Kasumi acting as shock troops smashed through everything they set up. Even after we got jumped by the two mechs, we had come away with only a three wounded, only one seriously. Colonel Santiago -no relation to the Blue Suns leader- had been absolutely right: "_Well-trained, well-equipped troops can stand up to many more times their lesser brethren than linear arithmetic would seem to indicate. _"

We walked back to the shuttle quietly as my men tore apart the base. Pallets of heat sinks, food, liquor, and mechanical odds and ends were beginning to pile up outside the base. An especially nice looking pillow sat atop a pile of rifles. Drop troopers were some of the best scavengers around- they'd strip the small base down to nuts and bolts in short order. After years of funding cuts in favour of the Navy, a culture of 'waste not, want not' was at the core of their values. So, heavy weapons ammunition, heat sinks, crates of military rations were all starting to pile up for transport. We took the first shuttle back up, reclining in the space afforded by the shuttle not being packed with nerved up, eager soldiers. Kasumi fidgeted, still on an adrenaline rush. Zaeed played with a smoke, twirling it between his fingers. Garrus and Jack looked at me, expectant. I shrugged.

"That felt good, Shep," she managed. "I- we, I mean, did good, didn't we?"

Garrus nodded at her. "I think we did."

"We did great," I said, looking at the two of them. "We stopped some piracy, we're grabbing stuff we need for the fight against the Collectors, and our people proved themselves."

Jack looked out the window, mind elsewhere. She was a little quieter after Pragia, a little more subdued. More purposeful, maybe? It was hard to describe- instead of her rage being sent in every direction, it was almost like she harnessed some of it. Zaeed stopped, stuck the cigarette in his mouth. Lighting it with the pilot flame of his flamethrower, he nodded in agreement, exhaling a mess of menthol-scented smoke.

"It's good. We stuck it to those bastards. Jack, you did real good down there."

"Thanks, you old fuck. Felt good to give some payback to those Blue Sun assholes. When do we get to waste more of the bastards?"

"Find them, and we'll go get them," I said with a wave of my hand, brushing away the blue cloud streaming out of Zaeed's nostrils. Jack grinned at me, a fierce smile...but an honest one. She reached out, silently asking for a drag.

"Pussy."

We stepped off the shuttle, and a few techs and seamen were waiting. They clambered in as everyone headed towards the elevator. I was headed there myself until Jack punched my shoulder, gesturing for me to follow. I did, walking down to her little alcove as she threw aside the sheet. Nothing had really changed in the tiny space. Maybe a bigger sound system, and a crudely-welded chin up bar. I crossed my arms, looked at her. She started to take off her cuirass, back to me.

"Shep, I have a question. If I wanted to walk away from all of this, would you let me?" she asked carefully, choosing her words carefully. She was undoing the straps on her pistol side...the sidearm's retention strap was off.

"I'd give you some cash and drop you where you wanted, Jack. Why do you ask?"

"I wanted to know if I traded one prison for another. You've been straight up with me so far. I've just been wondering if all my life, I've been doing nothing but trading one set of bars for another. And of anyone I've ever met, you've been the best to me. I don't know when you're going to shit in my hands, though. But I feel like it'll happen sooner rather than later."

I shook my head. After everything, after saving each other's lives, fighting and bleeding beside each other, I finally got mad.

"What the hell, Jack? You feel that way, why not just put a round through my damn skull right now?" I yelled as the armor on her back fell away. I could see her tattoos, scars, the harness still there. She adjusted it, still not facing me. She didn't say anything to me. I got so damn mad. I pulled off my helmet and slammed it to the floor. Pulling out my Phalanx, I tossed it to the deck beside her.

"Come on, killer! I've bent over backwards for you, fought beside you. I've answered every question you've asked, turned my back on you in gunfights, and you still question whether or not I'm on your side or whether I'm going to stab you in the back? Woman, there's my gun. Go right ahead."

My arms were spread as I yelled, bare-headed. She could have killed me. Hell, I didn't even think about her doing something like using her biotics to hurt me. I was just so frustrated with her not trusting me, I didn't care. She turned back towards, scowling and teeth barred.

"Yeah, Shep, I know you've been good to me! Shit, I know! But everyone I've ever known has fucked me around! Think they haven't given me nice things before? You didn't shoot me in the back there, you get points for that," she yelled back before plopping down on the cot. "I don't know what to think anymore. You've still got Miranda around, and you KNOW she's gunning for me."

"She isn't. She was supposed to try to make peace with you."

"She wasn't too fucking sincere."

"Or were you too paranoid?"

"Who the fuck knows, Shep? Everyone on this boat is fucked in the head. But you want to know something I learned reading here?"

"What, Jack?"

"Shackles of gold are still shackles. Just because you treat me good doesn't mean you won't toss me."

"What the hell do I have to prove myself to you, Jack?" I finally said, crossing my arms, staring her down. She leapt to her feet, pacing like a caged animal again.

"The fuck if I know. Now fuck off, I have to think," she grunted. I turned to leave, and she dove at me. I was prepared for a tackle, maybe a fight, but there she was. She grabbed ahold of me, and hugged me tight, fiercely.

"Shep, you fuck me up inside. You're the first guy who's actually been decent to me...thanks," she managed, whispering to me. I hugged her back, and finally let her go. I walked up the stairs, taking in a left into Engineering as the music began to blast behind me. Ken and Gabby saluted, grey coveralls filthy.

"I think that's the last of it, Commander. It was like building a new ship, nearly. The girl's got one hell of a broadside now," Kenneth managed, wiping his brow. Gabby nodded along, something black in her hair. "I've never done anything like this, ever. How's things on your end, sir? You look pretty...out of it."

I heard Tali's footsteps, and she approached.

"Shepard, you look like you've had a hell of a day. Bad fight down there?"

"No, no...it went fine. Just frustrated right now. Everything alright here?"

"Ship-shape. Ready to give those bastards a right hard kickin'," Ken said, staring right at me. He was confident, I could tell.

"Alright, carry on then."

I was about to head back the way I came when I felt a gentle three-fingered hand on my shoulder plate. I looked over my shoulder at Tali.

"You can talk to me, Shepard," Tali said to me, staring me in the...face. Eyes, maybe. I smiled at her.

"I'm fine, Tali. But I appreciate you looking out for me."

Like hell she would take no for an answer. I was getting dressed after my shower when Tali came up to my cabin, probably two hours later.

"Who is it?"

"Tali'zorah."

"Come in," I grumbled, doing up the last button on my BDU shirt. She walked in, her hands already moving as I turned to face her.

"Shepard? I just had a long conversation with Jack and she's really interested in you. I mean really interested, and she was asking all sorts of questions about you-"

"Whoa, calm down Tali. What did she ask about?"

"Changes! How much you had changed since you died, how you acted on the old Normandy, everything. She just kept looking for faults. Then she told me to fuck off so she could think."

Her hands flew in circles and she paced a little bit, head held back and talking nervously.

"Well, that's novel."

"Are you two an item, Shepard? Because if you are, that's fine, I just..."

"No, no. We're not...together. I'm not with anyone, Tali."

"I was worried. Not that there's anything wrong with you dating...but she's a psychopath."

I nodded. Tali stopped pacing, looked at me. She visibly untensed, arms falling to her sides. It's hard sometimes to read her- I can't go on much beside body language and tone.

"So?" I asked, staring at her as she stared at me.

"I just found it weird. I thought you'd want to know."

"I did. Thanks, Tali," I managed, stepping forward and giving the quarian a hug. She leaned into it, like it was nothing but natural to her. Looking up at me once more, she nodded and headed back to the cabin. I followed, putting on my beret. We silently took the elevator, standing side by side. I got off at the bridge, waving to her. Jacob stood at the conn, staring at a series of numbers.

"Attention on deck!"

"Carry on. We get a good haul?"

"Yes sir," Jacob said with a smile, turning towards me. "Just in time for the fireworks, to boot."

He pressed a button, and the rear camera of one of the Kodiaks showed the entrance to the base as it sped away. The mountainside shook, cracked, and a blast of dust shot from the entrance with a jet of flame.

"Alright, good work folks. Let's see if we can hit the Blood Pack the same way."

**A/N:** I always thought the Normandy was a little small for a frigate. Anyways, more to come at some point, and then we're in the final stretch.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N:** Silly chapter. Shepard finally has fun.

I didn't treat it as anything but another day. I got up, did my PT, took a shower, read reports in my cabin. Rolston even had a coffee maker installed on my desk. I had two cups with the daily reports.

My entrance to the bridge was marked by a wail. I recognized it almost immediately as both marines threw me salutes, dressed in bright red uniforms. Red and white, ancient in design, they both wore the ridiculous costumes like it was just another day- right down to the small feathered tophats. Their rifles were still bleeding edge, of course, but the rest of it seemed historical. The bosun's mate grinned at me as he hung up his whistle, bridge coming to a near-halt as officers doffed ridiculous hats. The bridge was a mess of colours- navy blue on the officers, bright red on marines, greens on everyone else. Everyone stood rigidly at attention, hats and berets in hand.

"Carry on, everyone."

Miranda stood in white breeches and navy jacket, trimmed in gold. She replaced a broad hat on her head, smiling. Her hair was ponytailed behind her, and her almost knee-high boots gleamed the shine of well loved leather boots everywhere. Hell, there was even a short naval sword hanging off her hip. She didn't miss a detail.

"Happy birthday, Commander."

I grinned, rubbed the back of my neck.

"I hadn't mentioned it, Miranda."

"But I knew. I thought you'd like the historical touch."

"British Royal Navy, during the Age of Sail. You did you homework, Miranda. I'm impressed."

A passing bombardier touched a knuckle to his forehead as he passed by me with a quiet 'by your leave, sir.' Everyone seemed to embrace the charade with a smile.

"Your hat, Commander. I thought it...funny. Ships of wood and men of iron, I believe you said once," she said once, handing me an equally ridiculous hat. I put it on a little sheepishly, looking over the smiling crew.

"Really? When was that?"

"You were grumbling to Kasumi and Mordin, I believe."

Mordin stepped on deck about then, clad in the historical uniform of a senior officer and tricorner hat perched on his head.

"Sir! A happy birthday to you," he barked rapidly with a flourish and a bow. I nodded, lifted my cap to him. He smiled.

"Glad to see present worked out. Should have gotten you a uniform."

"This is plenty impressive, Mordin. I take it this is partially your idea."

"Perhaps. Crew needs a little frivolity now. Drinks after your shift?"

"Sure."

******ME*******************ME***************************ME*****************

"To ourselves, everyone- because sure as hell, no one else is looking out for us!"

There was a huge burst of laughter as everyone held drinks aloft. I had a half-glass of rum in my hand, dressed down to jeans and a T-shirt as the senior staff sat around the mess, most of them still in costume. Jack stood, wobbling some.

"To you, you glorious fucker. Happy birfday."

"Shepard!" everyone roared, and drank. I smiled. I had a cake in front of me, my friends around me, and for once I wasn't worried about aliens hellbent on the extinction of the human race. Gardner was ladling out steaming bowls of stew - my favourite comfort food, he had found out from Tali. Everyone had been collaborating to make my birthday a special day. In one part, it was because a lot of them honestly liked me. No, I don't know why. Part of it was that after a string of victories against the Shadow Broker, the mercenaries, and the geth, everyone was feeling the need for a celebration. We had saved no less than two colonies. The Collectors were once more on the ropes. We had stolen the Reaper IFF, blown up said Reaper, gotten a new geth crewman, and blown up one of their stations. All in all, it was a good day. A great day, actually, because it was my birthday on top of it all and I was having stew.

Tali seemed excited, sitting to my left. I had given everyone the traditional rum ration as a present, and we were headed to Omega and the Citadel for one last supply run, food and ammunition, as much of it as we could get. We didn't know how long we'd be on the other side. maybe we'd go in, come back with a report stating we need fleet support. Maybe we'd make a commando run at the Collector base of operations. I didn't know. Garrus sat to my right, taking in some of the dextro version of the stew.

"So, Commander..." he started, spooning a mouthful into face, "I was wondering..."

"Garrus Vakarian!" Tali scolded like an indignant mother, "No business talk at the table."

Garrus seemed confused. He stuttered a moment, taken aback.

"But...it's the best time!" he said with a surprised look on his face.

"Human culture says it ruins digestion. Isn't that right, Commander?" she asked, turning towards me. I nodded reluctantly.

"Traditionally on ships, the meal was a time for discussion, yes, but never business or work. In fact, during the age of sail, it wasn't uncommon for the senior staff to play music between dinner and dessert, providing they were sufficiently well stocked."

"Music? Who played it?"

"Well, everyone. Doctors and officers were expected to be polymaths. Music was integral to life at the time- drums for orders, whistles for ceremony, that sort of thing. A lot of it was militaristic, but it was fairly common for men of the age to sing, and officers to learn an instrument or science."

My enormous hat nearly fell into the bowl as Garrus cocked his head. I caught it, and he tapped his spoon.

"I've never heard this word, polymath. What is it?"

"It's a very old human expression, meaning someone who's studied a variety of skills in depth and acquired as much knowledge as possible. It comes from before the time of widespread education."

Garrus simply took a few more bites.

"Human culture is needlessly confusing sometimes, Commander. Interesting, but confusing. What I was going to ask before Tali got rude was if I could give you a present now. I read up on human custom enough to know that it's the polite thing to do."

I nodded, smiling. "It's fine, Garrus. And you didn't have to get me anything. This whole show was enough."

He shook his head, pulled out an honest-to-God wooden box. It wasn't often you saw that, most people went with polycarb or steel or something. It was a plain, varnished oak case he handed to me with the reverence people normally reserve for holy books.

"I found it last year, before I went to Omega. The people of a small town in Texas - the one on Earth - put up a memorial for you. Lubbock, I think it was. I was passing through, and I stopped in one of the gun stores in town. The old man behind the counter said that in days gone by, lawmen used to carry weapons like this."

I opened it gently. Sure enough, there was a beast of a revolver inside. A modern design, along with three rows of heavy shells in the suede backing. _Smith and Wesson .357 Magnum Enhanced _was neatly machined along the bull barrel. The grip was sandalwood, varnished till it gleamed.

"Wow, Garrus, thank you. I don't even know what to say."

"I never used it, my finger's too big. But I always thought of it as a symbol. This was the last, best revolver made. Jacob pitched in, machined some rounds for it and restored the box. I thought it would be better in your hands, at the end of the day."

"I don't know what to say, Garrus. Seriously."

Tali cocked her head, pulled a wrapped box of her own out from under the table. "This one's from me, Shepard. I'm sorry it's not as fancy of Garrus and Jacob's, but I decided to make you a little something, so I hope this is alright..." she rambled. She handed if over gingerly, and I raised an eyebrow at her. Tearing off the paper brown paper, I found why she had handled it carefully- it was a ship in a bottle. A tiny ship of the line, no doubt carefully constructed.

"Tali, did you make this?"

"Well, I saw all the models in your cabin and I thought you would like another but more historical..."

"Tali, it's amazing," I said, reaching out and hugging her. She paused long enough to hug me back before nodding and excusing herself for another drink. I watched her go. Kasumi leaned in with a smile.

"You have her wrapped around your finger, don't you?"

"Arg! Christ Jesus woman, where did you come from?"

Kasumi just about cackled, extending a heavy-looking bust at me. It was marble, incredibly ancient, of a man with a bald crown and hawkish nose.

"Render unto Caesar. Happy birthday, Commander."

I handled the bust gingerly, setting it down. No doubt it had endless historical value.

"Thanks...Kasumi."

She was gone, over by Tali, as if she had never been there. Weird. Garrus just shook his head, taking another bite of stew. Miranda was next, presenting me with the sword she had word, a symbol of command. She smiled down at me, tipping her hat before stepping aside for Mordin.

"Happy birthday, Commander. Unsure what to give. Was going to get weapon, but consulted EDI first. Noted you have a fondness for history. Checked records- you majored at West Point in Ancient history. Thematic analysis concluded that this would be appropriate."

He handed me a steel box. I opened it carefully. Inside, carefully strapped in, were intricate chess pieces. Everything had a Roman flair, all the pieces cast from stone. Black was the Greeks of the Illiad, and white the Romans of Caesar and Octavian.

"Plus, I saw the chess board in your cabin."

"When did you...thanks, Mordin."

He nodded curtly and stepped to the side as others presented gifts. I had a small fortress of gifts at the end. Zaeed had gotten me a new recce hood, Chakwas a bottle of Scotch, Grunt a movie about the Krogan Rebellions, Samara a mat to meditate on- along with a book on the subject. Joker had gotten me a year-long subscription to Galaxy of Fantasy, and Thane a new scope for my Widow. The party was almost over when Jack approached, something in her hands. I had just come from the head, and she caught me out in the hall.

"Hey Shep. I got you...I got you something too," she slurred, obviously quite drunk. Extending an arm, I saw it was a battered optical disc. I took it from her gently.

"What is it?"

"My...my very first music disc."

"Jack...Jack, I can't accept this."

She smiled at me. It was a sad smile, for a change, not angry.

"I have copies. I...I just want you to have a piece of me if things go shitty, alright?"

I nodded, hugged her, and led her to the Ladies' Room. Walking back to the party, I was ambushed by Kelly. She wrapped her arms around me.

"Well, even on your birthday...you get everyone to behave. Miranda hasn't said anything about anyone. Tali's enjoying herself, along with Garrus. Everyone's happy. Are you?"

I nodded. She held a small package for me, too.

"It's not as nice as the others...but I think you'll appreciate it."

I unwrapped it carefully. It was a book, Special Operations Forces of the Millenium. I smiled at her.

"Thanks, Kelly. I have something other than reports to read now."

She smiled, and kissed me on the cheek. Together, we walked back into the mess...to a hail of catcalls. Even Tali got in on. I threw everyone the bird, and the party continued on until late. It was the best birthday party I could remember, and I got exactly what I wanted- everyone was happy.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N:** So, Dead Space 2 swallowed me whole. So, go load up the OST, and play Lacrimosa while you read this. The soundtrack is phenomenal.

I kicked a spent heat sink across the cargo hold. It clanked on the bulkhead of the far side. No one said anything, most staring at me as I fumed. I don't think anyone had ever seen me that angry.

"EDI!" I called out. "How many did you space?"

"Approximately twelve, Commander."

"How many did the crew get?"

"Another eight confirmed killed, Commander. Unknown wounded."

"Good," I said. The place was a mess from the rush of air that had sucked the Collectors out into the cold reaches of space. Behind me, I heard Tali shift. I turned back to my people. I had all of my inner circle, plus a section of drop troopers. We had installed the IFF, found a Blood Pack base, and leveled it. We had been coming back, slapping each other on the back. I mean, the second big win in a couple of weeks, putting both the Blue Suns and the Blood Pack back on their heels as we destroyed their depots. Hell, we even struck out at the geth, stole some of their technology. Everyone had been happy, and then this. I walked forwards, trampling anything that managed to get underfoot- some paper, another heat sink, a chipboard. At least my people had fought tooth and nail. I heard murmurs behind me. Legion was asking questions. Others wondered about my mental state.

I ignored them as I walked towards the elevator. I heard two sets of feet pounding towards me. I turned to see Jack and Tali there, slowing down to walk beside me.

"Are you...are you okay?" Tali managed to ask. Jack had a vicious grin on her face. Her machinegun was slung, and a furious light flashed in her eyes.

"We're fucking gonna kill them all, aren't we?" she asked, boonie hat flopping low.

"Each and every one of them, Jack," I said, turning on my heel. "And I'm fine, Tali. Don't worry."

She stood there a moment before chasing after me and Jack.

"You're acting bizarrely, Commander."

"I am?" I said, trying to keep my voice level. This had been my home. They had taken my friends, my surrogate family. They had defiled my home.

"Just like after Admiral Kahoku died...oh, kee'lah. You're going to lay waste to them," Tali said, realizing how absolutely furious I was. The door closed behind me, and it was just me and Jack. She paced like a caged animal.

"I'm going to tear those bastards limb from limb, Commander."

"Why the hell are you angry, Jack?"

"This was the first place I ever actually felt safe. I started to make friends here. Ken and Gabby actually weren't half bad. You're not the only one hurting, asshole," she yelled at me before stepping off on the crew deck. I shut the door, carried on up to the bridge.

Joker was waiting for me, grumbling. I could see a pain patch on his forearm, and he had his hat off. That was never a good sign. He rubbed absently at it, baseball hat next to him as he leaned up against the console by the galaxy map.

"Joker?" I called out cautiously.

"Commander...I'm sorry."

"You did better than the twenty marines did."

"I know. It's just...I wish I hadn't failed."

"You didn't."

"Sure feels like I did, Commander," he said, gesturing around at the empty deck before wincing. I grinned coldly at him, putting a hand gently on his shoulder.

"Hey, you were afraid."

"Yeah. I was. So what? Doesn't excuse letting my friends get kidnapped."

"Nope. But you have to realize something- you don't recoil from what you're afraid of. You hunt it. You have -singularly- the fastest, stealthiest, most heavily armored ship in the galaxy. Short of a ship of the line, you conveniently also have the better firepower in our broadside than any two out there. We're going to shell those bastards so hard not even the air stands upright, Joker," I told him, my voice quivering as I shook with rage.

"No one fucks with our crew, Joker. Ever. Not with our friends, our families, ever. "

I saw something light in Joker's eyes. Something furious. He was used to being weak, to not being afraid, to excelling at anything he put his mind to. I could see it in the set of his jaw- he was going to have the fight of his life when we found the Collectors. He, like Jack, was going to be an avatar of fury. That's what I wanted. I heard the doors of the elevator whoosh. It was eerie, being able to hear small noises like that. Miranda and Garrus emerged with a small crowd. Both were issuing orders as Joker and I turned to them. There were some 'yessir's and 'yes ma'am's chorused as the two divided up the crew to various tasks- cleanup, maintenance, security. Both turned, saluted me crisply.

"Ready for orders, Commander," Miranda said as I returned the salute. She was clearly distressed, and had fallen back on protocol to handle my mood.

"Bring us about, we're going through that Goddamn relay right now," I said before turning around. "Get everyone ready for one hell of a fight."

Zaeed got into the elevator with me. It was just another day for him. He looked at me, cold blue eye steel. "You're looking for hell, Commander," he said, shaking loose a smoke. He held it up to me in the silence of the elevator moving up towards my cabin. I took it, looked at it. I hadn't smoked since the first year in the army. They called me a field smoker, someone who only did it when there was nothing better to do. It's true, I suppose. It wasn't actually a cigarette, it was a small cigar. I stuck it in my mouth, and Zaeed grunted. There was a loud click, and he pressed the dull flame of an old lighter to the end of the smoke.

"Smoke it if you got it, son," he grunted at me. I caught a flash of silver before he tucked the lighter away.

"Thanks," I said, struggling not to cough. It didn't taste like dirty and ash, like a normal cigarette does. It tasted like...well, like good scotch. Peaty. Smokey. Oakey, sweet. I nodded, blew smoke out.

"I know you know what you're doing," he started carefully, lighting his own as he stood there. "EDI, stop us, wouldja kindly?" he called out. I felt the elevator stop, and I shifted on my feet.

"No one else does, " he said, turning to me. He took a long draw. "There's gonna be bodies before this is done. Lots of 'em. Collector's are going to take the worst of it...but get your shit straight, son. You're all fucked up like a beef flavored milkshake. Get your head on straight. Get your kit straight for an hour or something. Give everyone a sitrep," he said, gesturing at me.

"You can do this."

My cabin was untouched. I guess no one bothered to check, so it was just about the only place on the ship that didn't look like a tornado had hit it. I started undoing my armor, placing it in the locker, looking it over. It'd be a couple of hours at least before the fight to get my kit in order. Zaeed had stayed on the elevator, taking it back down below. I heard the intercom chime.

"Commander?"

"What's the word, Joker?"

"We're an hour out from the relay. Just thought you should know."

And that's when it started to sound like sixteen cougars were trying to batter their way into my quarters.


	22. Chapter 22

My entryway was filled with angry women. I mean, it was hardly a surprise, but there I was as Jack screamed profanity at Miranda, Miranda glared at Tali, and Tali flailed wildly at both the others. I waited a moment for them to notice me. All the motion stopped abruptly as everyone straightened up, a little embarrassed.

"Well then," I said, hands on my hips, "What in the hell is this?"

There was an awkward silence. And then chaos, as all the women started trying to drown each other out with accusations and finger-pointing. I sighed, and waited a moment. Holding up a hand, I pointed at Miranda first.

"Alright, what do you want, Miranda?" I asked, rubbing the bridge of my nose. There was a headache forming behind it.

"I came up to...talk," she said, loading the word. Jack and Tali glared at her.

"Jack, what about you?"

"I just wanted a word, Shep."

"Tali?"

"Well, I wanted to tell you about that thing you asked about, remember? How I asked you and I...oh, kee'lah."

I rubbed the bridge of my nose. A headache was forming as I closed my eyes, all three women staring at me. When I opened them, Tali was still pacing. Miranda stood with one hand on her hip, eyebrow raised. Jack scowled at the floor, kicked something. The problem clearly wasn't going away on its own.

"Miranda, take the bridge."

She started to say something, nodded, and turned on her heel.

"Tali, I'll talk to you once I'm done with Jack, alright?"

She stutter-stepped, waved her hands a little, and finally sighed. Her helmet hung low as she turned away from me. I felt like a little part of me died, but I had to help Jack as much as help her.

"A-alright, Shepard."

Jack turned to me, and I bladed my body to her, arm extending into my cabin.

"C'mon in, Jack. What's on your mind?"

She stepped in, looking around my quarters before sitting on my bed. I took a seat on my couch, watching as she rested her head in her hands. She started to tremble. She took a deep breath.

"Shep, I wanted to say...I don't even..._fuck_. I have no clue what to say. Shit."

"About what?" I asked. She still didn't lift her head.

"Shep...you've been kind to me. You've been the first real friend I've had since...well, since Siddig died. And I feel the same about you as- aw, hell. Shep, I just wanted to say that I care, but I'm just not ready. Maybe another time. Maybe another place. Maybe if we live through this, I might be ready to be with you. But not today. But I wanted to say I really fucking appreciate you looking out for me. Means a lot."

She stood, wiping her face with the palm of her hand. She breathed deeply, composing her face into a cocky smile.

"You're a stand up fucker, Shep. I just wanted to say that before we head through the relay."

I could see running mascara. Looking back now, it seemed like that was as close as she would ever get to telling someone she loves them. She walked out the door without really looking at me, and without looking back. I let her go, took a breath. Jack had been acting bizarrely since my birthday, acting like the mission was a one way affair. It wasn't exactly surprising, but her reaction was. I sighed, rubbed my forehead a little more. I shook it off. Jack had said her goodbyes. I had to get my game face on. I called Tali up.

_******************************ME****************************_

She came up in her nicest suit, not her combat rig or her mechanic's suit. She stepped in quickly as I checked a datapad. Her long fingers gripped it as she closed in on me. I didn't resist when she pulled it away from me.

"I've taken some antibiotics..." she started, staring away from me. She continued babbling as I reached out, ran my hand down her side. She put the pad down, still rambling as we sat down on the bed. Her hands started to dance, so I reached out and took one. I intertwined my fingers with hers, and her voice rose half an octave. My other hand went to her mask, and I felt a catch. I pulled it, and there was a hiss. She murmured a moment as her mask came away and I finally saw her face. Her beautiful face. She gasped her first breath of fresh air, and stared at me, eyes darting. And in a second, she pressed her lips to mine, pushing me back onto the bed.

I was enjoying the feeling of her skin on mine as she hummed tunelessly when Joker chimed us.

"Commander, we have about two hours till we come out the other side. Good news is, we didn't all die when we went through the relay."

"Alright Joker, I'll be on the bridge once we're about fifteen minutes out."

Tali giggled like a schoolgirl, pressing her body into mine.

"Kee'lah, Shepard. I could get used to this feeling. Sheets. Skin on skin. "

I ran my hand through her short-cropped hair brown hair.

"Maybe you should get used to it, then."

She laughed and rolled over, throwing her arms around me. She stared into my eyes and sighed before nuzzling me.

"I might just. If we live through this, I think this will become a regular thing. Want to shower with me, babe?" I asked, kissing her shoulder. She nodded enthusiastically, stretching before casting aside the sheet. Staring at her rump, I smiled before following her. I washed her gently, figuring her skin wouldn't be used to rougher scrubbing. She scrubbed me down, and once we stepped out, I stared at my armor rack, at the massive set of Blood Dragon armor. The music player displayed the time. We had a half hour left. As much as it was enjoyable, as much as I never wanted the moment to end, it had to. I felt a gentle, long-fingered hand come down on my shoulder.

"Let me."

"Hmmm?"

"Let me. Before quarians reached the stars, there were traditions. Pre-battle, the men would make love to their wives, using the last of their time to ensure that...well, if they died, their wives would always have a piece of them. After that, the women would dress the men. We still do that today in the Fleet. There's no greater trust than letting someone help you into your suit."

I nodded. I had the briefest impression of quarians riding horses, wearing armor.

"So, Shepard, if you'll let me...I want to help you dress for the fight."

So I pulled on my underwear, and she kissed my shoulder. She ran her hands along the scars I had gotten over the years- rachni acid on the shin, krogan blade rescuing Liara across the forearm. Geth round along the ribs. The spread of fragments from a batarian grenade. She helped me into the thermal suit, then the layer of kinetic mesh padding. She eased the thick ceramic plates onto my body, locked them into place. She fastened my revolver on, the extra speedloader. My rifle. My Phalanx, my Locust, the extra thermal clips all fit into place neatly by her firm hand. What was a five-minute chore most days became a twenty-minute experience. I felt suffused with a strength, something different and stronger than the rage. I stared at Tali's beautiful naked form, and smiled. I ran one hand down her cheek, and pulled her to her feet.

"My turn, dear."

_*****************************ME*******************_

Everyone packed into the briefing room, banged up as all hell. Kasumi and Miranda checked their pistols, and Jack adjusted her cuirass and greaves. There was a haze as Jacob and Zaeed chain-smoked together, faces grim. Garrus had a look on his face, thane was unreadable as ever, and Tali and Mordin spoke quietly in the corner in hushed voices. I put my heavy helmet on the table, leaned back.

"Well, this isn't how we planned this mission..."

There was a snort from Zaeed, and he exhaled a cloud of smoke. I raised an eyebrow.

"...but this is where we're at. We can't worry about whether or not the Normandy can take us home. We need to worry about taking this station out, and rescuing the people the Collectors have taken. EDI, bring up your scans."

"You should be able to overload their critical systems if you get to the main control systems here," she chimed in. "However, this will require the use of explosive charges. We have more than enough in stock, Commander."

"That means cutting through the heart of the station, right past this massive energy signature," Jacob said, pointing out the issue with his omnitool. He flicked the ashes onto the floor before dropping the cigarette and crushing it out with a boot.

"That looks like the central chamber. If the crew or any of the colonists are still alive, they'll be there. So everyone, bring extra weapons and medi-gel. If we can rescue anyone, we should probably have a few extra guns on hand so they're not totally defenseless."

Everyone nodded along. The station has room for at least a couple of thousand of collectors, all of whom would probably be incredibly pissed off at us for blowing up their cruiser.

"Looks like there are two main routes. Might be a good idea to split up to keep the Collectors off balance. Might be a good idea to split up and regroup in the central chamber..."

After the briefing, everyone headed to the armory. Everyone was loading themselves down with as much as could be carried. Spare weapons for survivors, medigel, grenades, explosives and as many heat sinks as we could carry. Sure, we might not be able to blow through walls or doors, but we had all kinds of nasty surprises and small charges for sensitive equipment. Hell, even if we had failed, that station was going to end up crippled. I was just finishing filling a satchel with sinks and grenades when Tali stepped up to me.

"You could have sent me, Shepard. I can do it," she whispered as everyone else focused on their gear.

"I know you could, Tali. But I want you with me in case Legion doesn't make it, so we have a backup."

"You don't need to protect me."

"But I'm going to anyways."

She smirked and pressed her helmet to mine, running a hand down the side before turning away. Miranda scowled at me as she walked over.

"Think this will work, Commander?"

"It better. Remember, you're Garrus's XO on this one. Don't let Grunt get too out of control."

"I should be in charge and you know it."

"If this was a stealth operation, or a boardroom, I'd agree. But Garrus is the only person here with more command experience than you or Jacob."

"What about Zaeed?"

"Most of his stories end with him being the sole survivor. That's...less than encouraging. He's great in a fight, and a damn fine sergeant, but he shouldn't be in charge."

She nodded curtly, racking her pistol.

"So what will I do?"

"You're my XO. I'm taking Tali, and Samara with me. Everyone else goes with Garrus."

"Alright, Commander. I trust you with my life," she said over her shoulder as she turned away from me.

Everyone assembled on the hangar bay. Exercise equipment and crates were strewn about after the crash landing. Everyone had the heaviest armor, bags of kit, and eyes aglow. The marines were being left behind, ready to repel the inevitable Collector assault on the Normandy and setting up an aid post. Everyone was lost in thought, doing those tiny pre-battle rituals that had gotten them through the fires of hell before. Zaeed lit up a fat cigar, chomping on it hard as the blue fumes started to drift. He hadn't stopped smoking since we crash-landed, but he was the calmest of everyone. Samara meditated with Thane. I watched Jack. One knee started to jerk first, left heel stomping as she beat the deck to a rhythm only she could hear. Her fists balled as those not praying turned to her. She was deep in the music, deep in a dark place then. Her eyes were lit with a terrible fire, rage seeping off of her in waves. Biotic lightning licked her body, spreading from her cuirass. Her head dipped, and she threw it back as she howled. It was something primal, something that made me shudder and think of Valkyries, of all those horrible female deities that people called on long ago. I could just as easily imagine her with shield and spear on some windswept patch of Scandinavia , screaming a challenge to some terrified enemy, the living embodiment of rage and revenge as doing anything else.

"EDI!" I called out, running the bolt on my rifle and chambering a sink, "Pipe us in!"

Thunderous drums erupted from every speaker on the ship, inside and out, punctuated by grunts. After two or three seconds of war drums, the bagpipes' keening wail rose. I don't know what it is about the bagpipe, but it set every nerve of every soldier I ever met on fire. Maybe it's ingrained in us- every major parade I ever attended, we had a drummer's corps and pipers. Not synthpipers, legitimate bagpipers with tartans and bearskin hats. It's the sound of pride and war to me. The music flooded the bay, even piped through the external speakers by EDI as we leapt from the hole in the ship and into the fray.

**A/N:** Thought I was dead, eh? Well, mostly. But yes, two more chapters- the final battle, and the epilogue/ Arrival DLC!


	23. Chapter 23

Fire rained past us as the heavy blast doors closed. I leaned up against it, sitting and turning to Tali as she breathed heavily. Everyone took a breather. Legion sizzled quietly, quizzically raising a fin as Tali reached for my hand. We were sitting there, in a pile of about thirty spent sinks, armor nicked and dented. Garrus let loose a cackling laugh.

"Shepard, I have to admit...this is a hell of a fight."

"Everyone alright?"

Grunt roared, beating his chest. He was soaked in blood, Claymore shotgun in one hand, axe in the other. Jack smiled, taking a slug from a canteen before handing it off to Zaeed. He passed her the cigar, and she took a heavy pull as he drank. We all seemed to be doing well. What a hell of a fight, though. Everyone was a little banged up, with a couple of nicks here and there. I had lost my helmet somewhere, and my scalp was sticky. I wiped it absentmindedly as Zaeed took back his smoke.

"Tali, look to your...commander," he managed.

"Naw, I got it," Jack said. "Man, I'm LOVING this, Shep! I feel alive as hell. And doing something right while I'm at it."

"Alright," I managed as Jack wiped away the blood with a cloth from a satchel, spraying liquid suture into the cut. "We still have to find and extract the colonists and the crew, and blow this place up. Grunt, Tali, Samara, you guys have the-"

"SHEPARD!" Thane rasped as loud as he could from a bit further down the passage. I rocked to my feet and wobbled over. Just down the corridor, there was a turn, and...and endless field of stasis pods. I turned to the nearest one, and inside was a colonist. I watched a moment, then started as she abruptly woke. She stared at me blankly a moment, before her face contorted and she began screaming in pain. I took a step back, and watched whatever was in the pod start eating away her feet.

"GET THEM OUT!" I screamed, lifting my Widowmaker and slamming it down on the glass again and again. It caved before long, and I pulled the woman out. She was...melted below the knees, still screaming as I put her down. Everyone started hacking apart the pods, smashing the glass and bodily pulling people out. The brunette wasn't lucid by the time I pulled her out. I tapped her face as I laid her down. God, she was missing everything below about halfway down her shins. She started to bleed, and I gently slapped her face.

"What's your name? Stay with me."

"L-lilith."

"Alright, Lilith, I'm John. I'm going to take care of you for a bit._**CHRIST JESUS MORDIN MOVE! MEDIC!**_"

"W-w-where am I? It's so cold..."

"_**Mordin, she's going into shock!**_You're fine, Lilith. We're Alliance soldiers, and we're going to take you home. Just lie still."

"W-when did I leave? I don't remember..."

Mordin showed up right about then. I stood up and looked away as he went to work, tourniquetting the stumps and scanning her, mumbling to himself. People were being lifted and carried, some shaking loose the cobwebs. For the better part, most of them seemed to be alright. Grunt helped a young man up in greens...the marine lieutenant from the mess, I noted. Gardner held his left arm as Thane handed him a pistol. He nodded along as the drell spoke, explaining the manual of arms to the cook. "S-sir?" I heard a voice call behind me. I turned, and Kelly stood there, dazed. Before I knew it, I hugged her tight. She leaned into me before stepping away. Her eyes weren't focused, and there was a cut on one cheek. It had already scabbed over, and it looked shallow, so I took a canteen from my rattle and handed it to her.

"Kelly, take a drink of water," I told her, sitting her down on the ground. I knelt beside her, checking for other injuries. She seemed fine, but her look said otherwise. She sipped slowly at the water. I could see marines taking spare weapons from my crew, shaking off whatever happened.

Pulling out my Phalanx, I pressed it into her hands.

"Listen, Yeoman. I need you. You need to make sure my crew is safe. I want you to count everyone, and help the el-tee and Thane get everyone back to the ship. Do you think you can do that for me, Kelly?"

She paused, staring at my face blankly before nodding.

"I can, Commander. I will," she managed, standing shakily. I rubbed her shoulder, and turned around the check the situation. Jacob walked up, press-checking his rifle.

"Commander, we seem to have almost everyone here. There's a few missing, and we found some colonists..."

"Alright, Jacob. Grab Thane and arm the marines as best you can. We've got to get the wounded and the civvies back to the ship."

"Aye sir. There's a bunch of 'em hurt."

"Drag Mordin along to help them get patched up. Did you find Chakwas?"

"Yessir. She's helping Mordin. Or Mordin's helping her."

"Alright, find a way back for them. Good luck."

"If...well, it's been a pleasure, sir."

We shook hands, and parted ways. I tried to be encouraging, giving words to everyone I saw, or a pat on the back. Before long, it was back down to the fighters, minus three. We moved forwards, towards the fork in the road.

"Alright," I called behind me. I could feel everyone tense up as we stacked up by the door into the next section of the ship. "Zaeed, blow the charges. Let's make some noise so everyone can make it back to the ship." Ahead of us, Miranda and Garrus led everyone else forwards as Jack, Grunt, Zaeed and I split off through the alternate route EDI had picked out for us. There was the sound of distant thunder, a high pitched noise I never heard before. Alarms started to wail as we continued deeper into the ship.

It was satifying to boot the husk down the cliff face as Jack strained to keep her biotics going. Grunt hacked others to pieces as I watched it fall, smacking into and detonating an abomination on the way down. I felt a woosh as a rocket shot past me, along with a belated 'Fire in the hole'. There was an explosion, and a Scion wavered, tipped, tumbled down the cliff face. I grinned.

"CHECK!" I called out as a heat sink failed to eject from my rifle. Garrus didn't even glance back. I brought up the heavy revolver, sighted onto a Collector and pulled the trigger. It barked, and a nice neat hole appeared in its head. I kept firing until I was dry.

"OKAY!" he called back. I reloaded my pistol, and cleared my rifle as he covered me.

"READY!" I boomed as I brought the Widow back into the fight. We rushed towards the door, Jack straining from the effort as she pressed forwards.

"Little bit more, Jack! Bust 'em!" I called out to her, shooting behind her. She strained, and with a scream, shoved the seeker swarms back almost a hundred yards before collapsing. I just barely caught her as she stumbled, rushed her through the door. It slammed shut, and we panted. There was more gunfire up ahead, and I could hear Miranda and Garrus barking orders. I hauled myself to my feet. Grunt did the same, and I reached out to Jack. She looked up at me, and a smile split her face.

"Playing the white knight again, Shep? It's getting old."

"If you want, I can just be the Nice Guy, or Good Cop."

I pulled her up, her scarred hand on mine. Her assault rifle dangled by the sling. I smiled.

"You're still an ass," she managed before walking past me, jogging towards the fight. Grunt shook his head, and Zaeed laughed before jamming his cigar back into his mouth.

**MEMEMEMEMMEMEMEMMEMEMEME**

I'm told that while Tali, Garrus, Jack, and I took on the Reaper, Miranda led who was left. Grunt, Legion, Kasumi, Samara and Zaeed held off wave after wave of Collectors with her at the front. She bounded from position to position, fighting like a madwoman, using my name to urge the others on. She was wounded twice- first in the side, and again in the leg. When Grunt got hit, she put his light cannon back into the fight. By the time we finished dealing with the Reaper, everyone was down to sidearms. The bodies were piled so high near the entrance we had trouble climbing them while we headed to the Normandy. We carried those who couldn't walk, shot anything that moved. Tali had a huge divot in her arm, and Grunt limped along. But we were still in the fight. Grunt axed a wounded Collector in passing.

We crawled up the mound of bodies, peeking over the top.

"Grenade," I called out. Everyone checked pockets, pouches, satchels. Zaeed tossed one up to me.

"Last one. Watch yourself, it's incendiary, this'll stink."

I nodded, and tossed it. Samara was beside me. "How long do we have?" she mouthed as there was a thump, a whoosh, a wave of hot air.

"Five minutes!" I called out as I forced my rifle over the top, spraying wildly at the burning, writhing enemy. It felt like it was made of lead. Samara picked off one or two, and we rolled over. It burned, but I made it to the bottom alright. Garrus followed us, and we pushed forwards. Those four minutes felt like they took an hour. My muscles screamed, my bones ached. We kept going. Zaeed carried Miranda awhile before passing her off to me. He pushed forwards, flushing the enemy out with the last of his flamethrower fuel.

"Joker!" I called into my headset, "We don't have long, get ready to go!"

I could hear the battle raging well before we got there. My marines had dug themselves foxholes, piled wreckage and rubble up. Hell, one had managed to get the Hammerhead, minus a fan, into position to start pounding the Collectors. Missiles thumped and the coax roared as marines and colonists took cover behind the grounded, fatally wounded tank. Some fought on with bloodied bandages, and I saw a figure in a sling darting down from the ship with a box of heat sinks in his hand. Spotting us, a ragged cheer went up. The volume of fire increased as they went all out, rockets whipping past us as a few of my men rushed forwards, helping us along.

"On the ship!" Garrus started yelling. Others picked up the yell, dragging wounded. Tali and Jack dragged Miranda aboard as the marines gave it all they had. I picked up a rifle, and fought on until I realized I was the last person left. Joker was screaming as I snapped out of it and clambered aboard as best I could.

"This is gonna be REAL tight!" he called out over his shoulder as he propped up his rifle and eased himself into the pilot's seat. EDI was already pulling the wounded bulk of the Normandy off the surface, and I heard Joker whispering quietly to the ship, begging it to stay together. We made it just barely into the scrap field before the station exploded, the huge blast wave chasing us almost the entire way to the relay. Joker sweated until we cleared the wreckage, and then let out an explosive sigh of relief. Reaching into his console, he pulled out a patch and pressed it onto his arm.

"That hurt a lot. I hope you appreciate it, Commander."

"Yeah, I really do. Great work, Joker. Can we get through the relay?"

"Nope. We're busted all to hell. But we can relax a minute. Y'know, just saying, seeing as we're all in more or less the same shape as the Normandy."

"Gotcha."

"Now, stop bleeding all over my cockpit. This is Corinthian leather. Uh, sir."

I nodded, and started towards the infirmary.

****

Seventeen dead. About double that in wounded.

Nine marines and four crew lost their lives defending the ship. Five of the colonists died from their wounds, or volunteering to help us defend the Normandy. We gave them a burial in space, neat lines of men in olive drab on the deck and colonists above them on the catwalks. Every coffin had two flags- the Systems Alliance flag, and their home colony's. We did a full parade, and sergeants and corporals spoke about each man. Many had obvious wounds...the lieutenant in particular had an eyepatch, and massive scarring on the side of his head. We had run short on a of of medical supplies. We had rescued about fifty colonists, who were now sleeping damn near any place we could put them and in shifts- even a half-dozen in the Kodiak.

Tali stood beside me after we had eased the coffins towards the system's sun, wavering and coughing. I wrapped my arm around her, and she leaned her helmet against my chest. I heard a cough behind me. Zaeed stood there in OD pants and one of his nicer shirts. He looked away from me as people milled about, returning to duty. He pulled a cigarette from

"Commander...I was wondering what the plan is now."

"We're heading to Illium, I guess. We're going to unload the colonists there, and I guess you can get off there. Got a job lined up?"

His eyes narrowed as he took a long drag.

"I was actually wondering if I could stay on."

"Zaeed, I barely have enough money in my bank account to buy a bowl of ramen from that guy in the ward, much less pay you."

"Oh," he said with a grin, "you have quite a bit more than you know. And I'll charge you the repeat customer rate," he said over his shoulder as he walked away, trailing blue smoke. Tali looked up at me pitifully, and coughed. I smiled, and hugged her before leading her up to our quarters.

"Was it still worth it, dear?" I asked as we stepped onto the elevator.

"Oh. Definitely, Shepard. But right now, I need a shower, and about a dozen allergy pills, and three days of sleep."

"Your snoring is adorable, dear. I'll join you in an hour or two."

She slapped my chest and nuzzled me before letting me off on the command deck. I waved to her, and she sped off. I looked around, and saw everyone snap to attention as I stepped through the door. I waved it off, and everyone returned to work. Jack was hauling debris, Garrus and Jacob welding. Kasumi had her head under a console, masked with a mess of wire. Miranda stood in front of the map, and Kelly was right there with her.

"EDI," I said, "put me on ship-wide."

There was a beep, and EDI's voice rang out through the loudspeakers. "Now hear this, now hear this. Commander Shepherd, you may address the crew."

"My people...I'm proud of you. We've done the impossible. We stopped the Collectors. We rescued many of those taken. We destroyed a Reaper. Destroyed a space station. But we're not done yet. Not by a long shot. We need to get this ship back in order. The Reapers are still out there...and we need to be ready for them."

**A/N:** I know it took awhile, but here's the finale. I've got the epilogue started, and it should be pretty interesting. Again...sorry for the obscene wait.


	24. Chapter 24

We limped back to Omega after a few days of repairs. As soon as we requested permission to dock, Aria issued an...invitation. We started work as soon as we docked...as well as posted guards. Zaeed, Garrus, Grunt and I disembarked, grumbling as we walked towards Afterlife. I had my N7 armor on, as my Blood Dragon suit was in the shop after the beating it took on the Collector station.

"This is a bad idea, Commander," Garrus managed, staring down a shady-looking batarian.

"You kidding me? This is a fuckin' terrible idea. But it's the only one we've got," Zaeed responded. His hand was on his pistol the entire way into the club. I mean, part of the reasons we were there to begin with was Zaeed's suggestion. Grunt simply shrugged.

"Deal with it, humans. Danger comes with following the battlemaster."

Garrus shook his head, took the lead as we advanced towards the podium through the crowds of dancers. My friends formed a triangle, parting the crowd. Grizz didn't even challenge us as we walked up the stairs. Aria smirked as we arrived. She gestured for me to sit down, and I eased myself into the seat a comfortable distance from her.

"Didn't think I'd be seeing you again."

"Stranger things have happened."

"So, you're back. What's on the other side of the relay?"

"Things you might be interested in, actually."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I have a proposition for you, Aria. I'm pretty sure you'll play me straight, after the favors I've done for you."

Her eyes narrowed dangerously, and I saw hands drift to sidearms all around me. We stared each other down for a second before she nodded.

"I'm listening."

"I give you the schematic for the IFF that gets you through, you give me three million credits and 15% of whatever you get out of there."

She laughed, voice mocking. "Really? That much, and I don't know what's on the other side? You must think I'm absolutely insane."

"Well, between the Collector station and cruiser I blew up, and the wreckage of all the ships that have been through, I'm sure you'll find something you can turn on a profit on."

Her eyes went wide and she leaned forwards, intent.

"So, why haven't you given that to the Systems Alliance, hmmm?"

"Why open the gates if you'll sit there and pick away at everyone? Hell, why give it to Earth alone? The turians and batarians will scream bloody murder, and at least demand access as well. I cut you in at the ground floor, and I know you won't discriminate. Everyone wins. Everyone profits. And you'll keep order now, won't you?"

She leaned back, staring at me.

"One million."

"One and a half, and your guarantee of protection for our...prospectors. Otherwise, I'm sure you'll have dreadnoughts slugging it out not an AU away from here."

I could see the wheels turning in her head. Zaeed was right, exclusive rights would simply cause a war to break out, once people figured out what was on the other side. If everyone got a chance to profit, there'd be no squabbling. And we needed everyone to be working together when the Reapers arrived.

"Done."

"Write it up, send it over to the Normandy. I'll be docked and trying to get repairs."

"Such a pleasure, Commander. Please, visit again sometime soon," she said with a smile, staring at me as I stood and we carefully stepped away from the dais. We didn't relax until the airlock sealed and the bolts cycled on the Normandy.

**ME ME ME ME ME ME**

We got to Illium before the day was done. The first thing we did was start using some of Aria's money to pay the colonists' fares home. All the while, my crew started to lay on stocks- heat sinks, heavy weapon ammunition, medical supplies... it was an expensive prospect. We had contacted Liara along the way, and she had suggested we put down some place out of the way. Using her Shadow Broker connections, she arranged a repair site for us away from prying eyes. So, once away from the main port, we set down, and let the operatives go to work. I collected my crewmates in the briefing room...as it was one of the few areas relatively undamaged. Gardner brought up beer and wing-shaped wedges of...something.

"Sorry sir, it's the best I can do right now. We need to take another trip to Citadel sometime soon."

"It's fine, Gardner. At least we have beer."

He nodded sternly as he left with his cart, leaving a half-case of brown bottles behind. Everyone looked to me as I stood.

"Well, here's where we're sitting...we have enough money to get going again. Pay the crew for a bit. We need to rearm, get Earth or the Council to give us some support. The Hammerhead is toast. The Kodiak...well, I'm less than impressed with it right now. But, there's other things. I don't have a right to keep you all here any longer. Anyone who wants to go, well, I'll cash them out and see them off, no hard feelings."

No one moved. And I mean that. You could hear a pin drop.

"What the hell, Shep? Why would we want to leave?" asked a slightly hurt sounding Jack. Tali nodded.

"In for a penny, in for a pound," grunted Zaeed around a 'wing'. Everyone pretty much grunted their agreement. I was a little touched. I even had to conceal a sniffle.

"Well then. We need to get the Normandy back into fighting shape. I want a full crew. Armor support. Hell, close air if we can get it too. The Reaper are on their way, so every minute counts."

"Aye sir. I'll want to contact Liara," Jacob called out from the other end of the table.

"We can't keep moochin' offa her," Jack said before wiping sauce off her mouth with the back of her hand. I agreed, and people began to confer amongst each other as they ate. I tried a wing...it was heavy on the sauce, clearly not chicken...but at least it was passable. I threw a couple more onto my plate, took another big swig of beer.

"What? You suggest we go back to the Alliance? Maybe Citadel? We do that, we all get fucking crucified," Zaeed all but yelled. Everyone quieted down. "Listen up. We have a convicted felon, deserters, wanted criminals on this ship. What're they gonna say when Shepard walks back through the door? _'Hey, welcome back, good to see ya'_? NO! They're gonna wanna cut him up and see how he works. Interrogate him. He's out of the fight. I go to the stockade with Jacob. Everyone else has to explain why they're associated with a terrorist group aboard a highly modified ship-of-the-line, built with stolen blueprints and alien parts. Shit, I'm surprised we got out of the Citadel those times."

Tali winced. Her and Garrus sat together, enjoying turian bag-paste.

"He has a point," she managed. "But I don't see an alternative."

Miranda stood. She was wearing a black jumpsuit, one of her old Cerberus ones. The pin was gone. She had taken off the patches sometime since we had gotten back. Her hair was in a ponytail, and she looked like she hadn't been sleeping.

"We're all in this together," she started slowly, staring at the table. "We're all here for the same reason, like the Commander said. We need to stop the Reapers. He's looked out for us for as long as he's known us. We could all have left on Omega, or when we got here. We're all still here for a reason. We all had lives before this. We can do this. Start calling in those favors you've been saving for a rainy day."

Everyone watched and nodded. Tali sneezed dramatically, hands flailing.

"I have an idea. I'll call the Fleet, tell them to send us some..."

"I know a guy who knows a guy..."

"That quartermaster would sell his..."

"Worry about that after the ship runs," Mordin managed, nibbling ferociously. The crew set themselves to the task as Miranda stood there. I put my hand on her shoulder and mouthed _'thank you'._ I took another swig of beer, sitting down. Tali coughed loudly and pointed and gestured. I had a second beer, just ate and watched. My crew was amazing at simply solving problems, I found, without my interference.

Dinner got done in short order. Gardner came and collected the bottles and plates as everyone left. Only Tali and Miranda remained. Both looked beat, slumped on the table. Gardner silently watched. I looked at both of them.

"Miranda, something on your mind?"

"Cerberus still has my sister. I tried to use my own people to get to her. I know where she is, and I hate to ask, Commander..."

"I'll get a team together. Tali, what about you?"

"Just...sick, my love."

I tried not to notice Miranda cringe a little. Tali didn't seem to mind, and coughed. I put a hand on Miranda's shoulder.

"Get a coffee and your armor. Is she being held on Illium?"

"Yes, Commander. And thank you...once again."

She stood up, and turned to leave as I walked over to Tali. Scooping her into my arms, I carried her to the elevator and brought her up to my...our cabin. She curled against me, and I saw her smile. I put her in bed, kissed her on the forehead.

"I'll be back in a few hours."

"Be safe, my love," she managed before drifting off to sleep. I put on my armor, and I met Miranda on the Command deck. Kelly looked up at me, one eye still black after her rescue.

"Commander, you have another letter from Ashley waiting. Where are you off to?"

"You know how it is, Yeoman. No rest for the wicked."

**A/N:** More to come, up till Aftermath.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: **Thanks to Reklar for the help editting this beast.

"I wouldn't exactly call it an ambush," I said as I sipped my coffee.

"Bloody heroic is what I'd call it," Zaeed grumbled, pouring equal amounts of cream and sugar into his. Garrus nodded in agreement.

"I don't think so," I managed, having another spoonful of grits with plenty of butter. I hate grits. But Gardner was back to running on ration packs now. Garrus crossed his arms, and Kelly raised an eyebrow. She winced as it pulled at the butterfly bandage on her brow. It was kind of cute.

"It still wasn't an ambush."

_**ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME**_

We had hit the Cerebus safehouse hard and fast. There were only five of them, and as soon as they saw me boot in the door, they surrendered. Miranda limped in after me, wincing in pain. I didn't think she should be fighting so soon after getting hurt, but she wouldn't take no for an answer. We held them at gunpoint, trussed them up as Miranda and Oriana embraced. Everything was going great until twenty or so Cerebus shock troops shot down our shuttle halfway back to the ship. We hit the ground hard. I was the first out.

From there, it was a reasonably simple fight. We huddled around our shuttle until Jacob brought down the Mantis they had rode in on with his rocket launcher. Everyone cheered, almost forgetting there was a second one as the shock troopers pressed forwards. Oriana stayed behind the shuttle, cowering as we traded fire with the Cerberus goon squad. Things were actually looking pretty rough until the Hind showed up. I haven't ever seen Cerberus fighter run...well, until the gunship showed up, blasting the other Mantis to bits and opening its drop doors. Fifteen drop troopers jumped as one, slamming to earth in seconds. Their mass effect field kicked in feet above the ground, and they were in the fight. Jack and Samara led the way, dropping on their biotic powers, lashing out. The shock troopers never stood a chance. One of them got around us, though. Cloaking field. I saw the slight distortion, threw myself on Oriana, and took the round. And let me tell you, it hurt like hell.

_**ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME**_

The Mil Mi-99 was the first design out of the newly reformed Mil plants. They did a lot of research to build that beauty. It was twice the size of the Mantis, rolled off the line the first year I was dead. It couldn't hardly break into the market, considering the Mantis had something to the tune of seventy percent of the market share. Liara managed to get us two of them. I mean, it made the hangar really cramped, but it was a beast. Armor twice as heavy as the Mantis, more cannon, bigger troop bay- one capable of carrying four bucket heads, or two sections of troopers. It was put up for trials to be the next ride for the Drop Infantry, something that could deploy them from orbit or do close air and insertion at the same time. But, budget cuts meant most of them languished or ended up in private hands simply because they were four times the price of the Mantis. Ours were treated in various shades of digital grey, the beautiful beasts.

Oriana was with her sister in the medbay when I got there. Miranda was on the table grimacing as Doc Chakwas stitched her closed again. The firefight had split all the wounds on her ribs open, and one on her calf. She winced and sat up when I walked into the infirmary.

"Sir, I just want to say..."

"It's fine, Miranda. Sit down. How are you feeling?"

She glanced aside, uncomfortable.

"So you're hurting. Alright. Doc, put her on light duties. Miranda, you're running everything now, getting logistics and things in order. We need to start getting more recruits, more equipment and you know it. Doc, how's Tali, by the way?"

"Better, Commander. A few days of bed rest and she'll be good as new."

Oriana looked up at me.

"Shepard. I can help."

I glanced down at her. She was definitely younger. I nodded.

"Well, put your best contacts forwards."

Chakwas glanced at me.

"Shepard, sit yourself down. I want to check you over."

"Just a bruise, Doc. Don't worry yourself."

She frowned and grumbled. Miranda looked up at me. She smiled, clearly on her last legs.

"Thank you, sir, for..."

"Get some rest, Miranda. Doc, is Oriana good to go?"

"Yes, Commander. I still say you should be more careful, however. And if your ribs are bruised, you owe me a brandy."

I grinned, and she grumbled some more as Miranda lay her head back down. I looked at Oriana.

"Walk with me."

She followed me out of the medbay and into the mess. It was stuffed with troopers in fatigues, all eating. Gardner waved as he poured another laddle full of what one of the corporals had loudly called 'cream of ass soup' onto Gabby's plate. She recoiled a little, face grim as she headed towards the packed table. I grabbed a tray, jumped the line, and grabbed the least objectionable offering: breakfast. I thanked Gardner, and Oriana and I stepped into the elevator.

"You don't have to stay here, Oriana. Well, at least on the ship. But if you do, I'm going to need you to make yourself useful. I want the ship hot-bunking in a week or two, so if you don't find a way to make yourself useful, I'm afraid you'll have to stay planetside."

"Well, I have a business degree..."

"Well, then use it. Get Gardner food, more ammunition, and anything fun you can find out there. Kelly will supervise."

She frowned as we stepped out onto the bridge. The marines snapped salutes, and there was a booming 'captain on the bridge'. I saluted and put everyone at ease. What seemed to be a sea of blue berets swarmed from monitor to monitor as men and women in grey overalls pieced things together. We had taken on some more crew since we had gotten back, apparently. Kelly nodded at me.

"Kelly, this is Miranda's sister. You're in charge of her, put her to work."

Kelly nodded and smiled. She wasn't quite the same after the rescue. She had a V-shaped scar just below her hairline, still stitched shut. Most of the time, her copper hair covered it. Not today. She had a sidearm on, the Phalanx I gave her. She carried it everywhere.

"Have time for a debrief, Commander?"

"Alright, I'm going to grab a coffee though. Want to join me?"

"Sure, Commander."

I nodded at Oriana.

"You start tomorrow, so start lining your ducks up," I said to her before stepping away with Kelly. I let Oriana fume a bit...not that I have anything against her, but she needed to get used to military discipline. Being the lowest head on the totem pole, doing some menial work instead of enjoying a life of privilege. At any rate, we made our way down to the main gunnery bay. Zaeed was already there, the shoddy little coffee maker from his room resting atop a sealed crate.

**ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME**

Garrus laughed. Outright laughed.

"Sometimes I forget what an ass you can be, Shepard."

Kelly just stared at her coffee, shaking her head. Kelly's bright green eyes sparkled, and Zaeed pulled a pack of smokes from his pocket, offering them around. We all shook our heads, and he pulled his lighter out. Coffee in one hand, smokes in the other, he reclined against the railing. His slung rifle clanked against it, and he grumbled, shoving it out of the way. Garrus sipped his tea, and there was a nice moment of silence. The kind of quiet between friends that isn't awkward. Everyone drank a little coffee.

"So, how long do you think I can hide here before some horrible problem ends up in my lap?" I asked half jokingly. Zaeed rolled his good eye.

"Well, now you've done it, dumbass. You mentioned it, and now it's going to happen."

Garrus nodded.

"I don't know why humans are so superstitious, but it always makes me laugh."

"Oh!" Kelly said, eyes lighting up. She glanced at everyone, rolled up one of the loose sleeves of her greens. Her skin was still red...and sure enough, there was a tattoo. It was a distinctly unladylike pair of fighting tigers on her bicep, and six simple words: _Death is certain, life is not_. She flashed a grin as Zaeed nodded.

"Bettern' _Born to Lose_ by a damn sight. Good on ya."

Garrus tilted his head.

"I'll never understand you people," he said, shaking his head.

"You have tattoos," I countered, "What's not to understand?"

"The slogans! Why do humans feel the need to write all-"

There was a chime, and everyone looked at me. EDI spoke quietly.

"Commander, incoming message from Admiral Hackett."

"I'll take it in the medbay."

I walked over, the blue smoke trailing behind me as I left the gunnery bay. Sure enough, Chakwas was gone, nodding to me as I walked in. By the time the Admiral was done with me, I wasn't smiling anymore. I didn't want my half cup of coffee. I begged off everyone. Zaeed nodded, knowing what was coming. Kelly frowned. Garrus snorted, and threw me a turian salute before heading for the bridge.

I was checking my weapons on the way to the Hind alone, ready. Breathing steadily in and out as the pilot made his checks, co-pilot with him. The troop bay was so empty. Not cold, not warm, just there and dim. It took me half a moment to feel the warmth of a body beside me, and I glanced over.

"C'mon out, Kasumi."

She snorted as she decloaked. There were the sounds of clanking bootsteps on the deck as I turned to her.

"Rookie mistake."

"I know. I couldn't resist...theatrics, you know? I was going to decloak when the others got aboard."

"Others?"

Samara and Jack stepped onto the craft as the bays closed up. I could hear the drives whine. They were both dressed in their best; Samara in her red armor, Kasumi in her blacks, and Jack in the same pieced-together set of greaves and cuirass. Her mirrorshades hid her expression, but Jack thrust her chin at me.

"We're coming with."

"This is a stealth mission, Jack."

"I don't give a fuck. I get loud, they catch a glimpse of me, and it's a straight-up Omega jailbreak. Besides, can't let you go alone. That's how motherfuckers like you get all hurt and shit."

Samara nodded her assent, and Kasumi grinned. The drives whined to life, and we set out. Everyone checked weapons on the five minute ride, until we hit atmosphere. It was a quiet ride, mostly because I was a little pissed that they were coming along. I mean, it's not like I could order them around. I could try, but the set of Jack's jaw left me with the impression that she'd just tell me where to stick it and come along anyways. I looked at her as we rode down, and we looked at me, grim. Her usually close-shorn hair was getting long, but I just chalked it up to her slacking off.

"Always being the hero has consequences, Shepard. One day, you will take on more than you are capable of," Samara warned me, matronly and stern. I nodded and grumbled, looking over the others. The pilot didn't stop as we skimmed a hundred feet above the ground, simply throwing on the green light and opening the bay door, clearly expecting us to jump.

"Besides, me and Samara know how to keep a low profile. What could go wrong?" Kasumi asked as we edged towards the hole in the deck. Just before we leapt, I looked at Jack. I noticed something else...a new tattoo. A skull, and the words 'Death is certain, life is not' on the front of her bicep. She winked, and we fell as Jack and Samara's biotics eased us towards the earth a little too speedily for my liking.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: **So many references! First, go read The Ballad of the Revenge, by Tennyson. Also, I think there's only a chapter or two left until I let this go, waiting for ME3. Takes place after Arrival, sorry for the shitty editting the first go around. What do you think?

Hackett left without another word. I limped along back to the bridge, where Jacob threw me a salute. Everyone else nodded., working furiously. The crew scurried about, trying to lay in supplies, repair damage from the suicide mission. Sparks fizzed, and a tech yelped. I glanced over as she shook her hand and sucked on the tip, cursing the burn. I walked up to Kelly, looked her up and down. She shrugged.

"Looks like a hard go ahead, Commander. Hackett's a good man, but I think he might try to stop the defection. We still have quite a few repairs to do, and the bank accounts are running a little low."

I raised an eyebrow.

"So, are you suggesting we find work?"

"Not yet, Shepard. But we may want to go a little easier on the ship. The Normandy is still in rough shape. We're still patching holes in the hull. The crew deck is a bit of a mess, and with all the costs of repairs and rearmaments, along with all the new bodies...well, we have a lot of new hammocks. We shook like a leaf during your most recent rescue."

I smirked, running my hand along the nicked wood of the railing. Shrapnel had wrecked a lot of the surfaces on the bridge, leaving them gouged and splintered. Even the deck looked like hell. It felt like an old ship of the line, and I remembered the image I had of the Revenge, all splintered and torn up, the crew bloody. And I remember seeing this painting, a view from the San Phillipe, of this wrecked little ship, with the crew on the deck, teeth barred and all bandaged as Spaniards lowered themselves down for another round.

"Hard pounding. Let's see who pounds longest," I said, grinning wolfishly at her.

"Excuse me, Commander?" Kelly asked, voice raising an octave and turning red. I looked up, realized what I had just said. Grinning sheepishly, I shook my head.

"Just quoting Wellesey, the man who beat Napoleon. Basically, this is going to be an endurance thing. I know things look bad, and I know things will be rough, but we'll make it through. But glad to see your mind is in the gutter, Yeoman," I said wryly. I patted her on the back before heading to the elevator. I had to get to the medbay.

Chakwas had a snifter of brandy waiting for me when I got there. Samara was meditating, arm in a sling. Kasumi dozed against a bulkhead, and Jack paced about experimentally on her crutches. She saw me enter, waved. I waved back. Chakwas ushered me into her office, sat me down.

"We're desperately short of people, Commander. A lot of them are banged up, and I'm overworked. I don't know what I'm going to do. Jack's alright, though she complained like hell about the crutches. Samara should be fine, she just dislocated her elbow when she landed after your most daring rescue yet. I sedated Kasumi after pulling that fragment from between her ribs. Oh, and Tali's looking much better, wouldn't you say?" she spieled off between sips of ice brandy. I smiled, nodded, took a few swigs myself. It was good stuff, to be honest.

"Thanks for looking after everyone, Doc. Anything you need, aside from more medics and supplies?"

"Shore leave couldn't hurt. I noticed something bizarre," she said, frowning a touch.

"What's that, Doc?"

"Jack was quiet. She didn't verbally abuse my orderlies, or me. And she mentioned you."

"What did she say?"

"She asked about you, how you did the whole hero thing all the time. Asked for a copy of your fleet jacket and a basic rundown of quarian physiology."

"Well, I suppose that's good news."

"Just odd, Commander. Damned odd. You really must visit more often, I don't have many opportunities for breaks these days."

I nodded, finished the little cup of brandy, thanked her. Legion stepped in from his datacore, raised his flaps.

"Query, Shepard-Commander. Do you have a moment?"

I looked at Doctor Chakwas. Usually, I came to him , trying to pick his brain and squeeze answers from the metal. It usually didn't work. I nodded.

"Our apologies to Chakwas-Physician. This platform hopes she understands a need for privacy."

Chakwas just stared, mouth open, and nodded. I followed him through the bulkhead, and listened to it close. There were a pair of hastily, crudely welded chairs, covered in plastic stuffed with something. He...it gestured.

"This platform's research and observations of crew behavior have indicated that a seating option places humans at ease. Please sit."

I stared at it, watched him watch me as I sat down. His bizarre words about my armor didn't help things. Legion sat down across from me, ramrod straight.

"Shepherd-Commander, we have been observing and recording the crew for some time. We have observed that you are the subject of the vast majority of the dialogue onboard the Normandy. Of this, 99.7% of recorded interations are positive. More than 33% of females onboard regard you with what can only be described as amorous intent."

I leaned back, threw one arm over the back of the chair, found it surprisingly confortable.

"Nice chair, by the way."

His flaps raised, and he approximated a nod.

"We thank you, Shepard-Commander. May we continue?"

"Sure, I guess."

"Males aboard the ship regard you as a platform to emulate. We do not understand the nature of your relationship with the crew. It is puzzling, especially regarding interactions with females. We wish to understand the nature of this relationship."

I smirked at him.

"Specify," I responded laconically. A flap rose quizzically in response.

"Despite garnering the vast majority of female courtship attention on the ship, you are well liked by male crewmembers. Despite having selected Creator-Tali'Zorah as a companion, Jacqueline Nought maintains hope of a romantic relationship with you, as well as Miranda Lawson and Kelly Chambers. All four have extremes of emotion directed at you, generating positive behaviour in order to gain your attention and affection. To be blunt, they fight like geth for you. We do not understand- are you not engaged in courtship rituals with Creator-Tali'Zorah?"

"What prompted this line of questioning, Legion?"

"Recent attempts to inquire about specific human behaviours have met with limited success due to this platform's limited understanding of organic and specifically human customs. There has been repeated contact with Jacqueline Nought in order to attempt to correct the deficiency, but Jacqueline Nought's lack of sociability most times has proved a hurdle."

"So, you've been talking to Jack? What's she been saying?" I asked, to clarify. It was a strange idea. Jack mostly kept to herself in her little alcove these days, but she was getting better about dealing with most people. She hadn't tried to break anyone's jaw in at least a week. Legion's flaps lifted. "First off-duty encounter logged as follows:"

**ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME**

There was the sound a glass breaking, cursing from Legion's sound system.

"We hope we did not startle you, Jacqueline-Crewman."

"Fucking hell, Tin Man! I almost blew your head off!"

"This platform will announce himself earlier in the future."

"Fuck! Well, what the shit do you want?"

"Company."

"Company?" Jack said, seeming incredulous. There was a sloshing sound, and the clink of glass on metal again.

"We seek to understand you, Jacqueline-Crewman."

"The fuck? Call me Jack, Tin Man. Don't make me break my knuckles on your flashlight."

"Understood, Jack. We take it you want us to sit?"

"I did just point at a chair, numbnuts."

"Numb-nuts? This platform does not have genitalia, or even gender."

"Shut up, Tin Man. Just sit. I'd offer you some, but...yeah."

"Vodka. Belaya Rus. Upper tier. Produced in..."

"Shut up. It's the Good Stuff."

"The good stuff?"

"Real alcohol, not synth. Not like you'd understand."

"Then help us."

"I lived hard. Cheap booze, lots of fights. Had to scrap to get what's mine. To keep food in my belly. Shep's been good to me...more than good to me. He's saved my life. This is the best I've been treated, the best life I've had in...well, ever. I always thought I'd be dead by now. Hell, I thought I was going to die in the hole in Purgatory. I've never thought I'd live this long. And Shep's got me thinking I might live longer, if we beat the Reapers. I've got a home now. It's a first."

**ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME ME**

He ended the transcript and looked at me.

"So, how often have you talked to her?"

"Approximately five times in two weeks, Shepard-Commander."

"Has she said anything else about me?"

"Yes."

"Are you going tell me what she said?"

"No."

It was a long day. I drank a solid pot of coffee, chasing reports, talking with Tali, dealing with maintenance and interviewing new recruits. We had everyone from turian medics to quarian mechanics to deal with. Apparently, word about me had gotten around quite a bit. After a long day's work of vetting people, consulting with Tali and Garrus, we all decided to find Zaeed for a well-deserved drink. We asked EDI, and she pointed us down below to the hangar deck. We found him surrounded by drop troopers and marines, lecturing with a beer in his hand and a smoke in his mouth. A couple of mostly empty cases were strewn about, most of the men with beers in their hands as he gesticulated. Jack was draining a beer quietly off to the side, seemingly lost in thought. Noticing me quickly, he turned and smiled.

"Fucking Shepard. I was just telling these fine young men some of my war stories," he said, swinging his arm to encompass the men and women perched on gym equipment and crates. "Reminding them of how things were in the old days."

"Hard and unpleasant? Coal power and sails?" I said jokingly, putting my hand on Tali's back as she grabbed a beer for each of us. Zaeed narrowed his eyes, and shook a finger at me with a more serious smile than I was expecting.

"Lemme tell you a story, Shepard. In the beginning, there was Cain and Abel. God said unto them, he says, 'Boys, I want a sacrifice.' So Cain and Abel set off, and go get their shit. Cain brings fruits, veggies, grains, and all that other bullshit, right? Abel brings his biggest ram and best ewe. They burn both - alive as far as I can tell, because Old Testament God is like that- and God blesses Abel but not Cain. Cain arsks God, he says 'God, why isn't the shit I grew good?' and God says simply, 'Blood has power.' So Cain looks at his brother, and hefts his shovel. He bludgeons his own brother to death, in cold blood. What does God do then?"

"Human theology is fucked up," Garrus managed, shaking his head. He always had trouble with it- so many different traditions, so many unfathomable ideas to his ordered mind.

"He asks him where his brother is," intoned Jack. I looked over, surprised she knew. Tali cocked her head, and everyone else remained silent. Zaeed lifted his smoke, took a deep draw.

"Penny for the pretty lady. Cain gives that famous excuse, am I my brother's keeper? So God gets pissed, because he knows better. But he calms down, and says to Cain, 'Here's the deal. Blood was always the key to power, and as such, I'm going to mark you so that others won't be able to harm you without suffering seven times that to themselves. But you fucked up, so the earth will never give you comfort again. What's the lesson?"

There was was a pause as he looked around everyone, a bit wobbly.

"There's power in blood. Always was. But there's a terrible cost. You don't just pay hell, or give hell. You own it. So what's worth that?"

Zaeed looked around, and one resolute NCO stood.

"Saving others," he said quietly. "My Pa once told me that no matter what, to give all I have to give. To save his life, the lives of thousands, millions, billions? I would pay it."

His beret was jammed under an epaulet, and the newly-minted wings on his cap badge glinted.

"That's why we're here. We believe in the Commander, and what he wants to do. If we have to play Abel while Cain saves everyone from the Reapers? That's fine by me."

Zaeed stared the young man down, and nodded. "But then again, you're not paying the worst of it. The Commander is- he's the one playing Cain, getting no rest, no respite. People like you are his mark. Think on it," he grunted before he wobbled to his feet. I couldn't say anything I just sort of stood there, shocked. My mouth opened and closed a few times, and I managed to choke out a low 'dismissed'. Everyone else stood, and we all started to filter off until it was just me, Garrus, Tali and Jack. They all looked at me. I couldn't do much but shrug. I finished my beer, put it down on the table a little harder than necessary, walked away. I heard the others start to talk as I walked into the elevator. I closed my eyes, leaned back. Jack made it there first, throwing herself around bodily on her crutches and got in with me as Garrus and Tali talked urgently. I caught a glimpse of Tali chasing after Zaeed as Jack threw herself into the elevator, barely making it. She slammed her body back against the elevator wall, panting. Her leg was still casted, after all.

"Zaeed's just being an ass."

I nodded numbly, remembering all the people I had lost. She punched my shoulder, and threw me half a smile. I looked over at her, tried to clear my head.

"I hear you've been teaching Legion manners."

She raised a sculpted eyebrow at me and flashed those pearly whites.

"Well, since you stopped visiting, I haven't got much company. He listens real good, and can't judge me. He doesn't pry, and puts me to bed when I get drunk. I know you've been busy as fuck, but come by at some point. We can tip one back. I owe you that much."

I stared at her. She ran one hand along the back of her head awkwardly. I remembered her throwing the bottle of whiskey in the hotel room, the angry person always raging and throwing things around...and here she was, doing her best to comfort me, in her own way. I put a hand on her shoulder, didn't say anything. I left her on the elevator with a smile. Looking over my shoulder as I walked into my cabin, I nodded.

"Thanks, Jack."


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N**: Last little bit before I start ME3. And yes, I'll totally be doing more in this vein...even though this is totally ridiculous. Lyrics are a modified 'Breakeven' by the Script, and a traditional sea shanty.

I remember the last week before Hatchett told me to report for my court martial. It was happy, busy...and filled with music. Liara sipped her tea with me as we watched the crews work one morning from the airlock, lifting and hauling. Green uniforms shuffled to and fro, with men and women in grey coveralls doing the hard, messy work of turning our shipyard into a veritable fortress.

"_Santy Anno gained the day_!" thundered a foreman as ten workers hauled the pulley, sweating.

Liara winced at the noise.

_"Away, Santy Anno!_" the crew responded, hauling as one on the line. The huge turret inched ever upwards. Given the choice of heavy loading equipment and anti-ship cannons, it had been easy. Well, economically, not on the crew. They seemed to take it in stride, and newcomers really took on the espirit de corps.

"_Santy Anno gained the day_!" he thundered again.

"_Along the plains of Mexico_!" they hollered in response, struggling as the the huge turret swung towards its new home. _"Mexico, Mexico, away Santy Anno! Mexico is a place I know, along the plains of Mexico_!"

"They certainly are enthusiastic, aren't they?" she said, leaning towards me a little. I nodded. "It's an old way of making the work pass, keeping rhythm in jobs like that."

"_Skipper like whiskey, the mate likes rum_!" the foreman bawled again as the turret started to descend towards the socket. "_Away, Santy Anno_!" the crew shouted in response, more strained this time.

Liara cocked her head at me. "Miranda enjoys rum?"

"I'm sure she does, though this is actually an older, traditional-"

The shantyman bawled again, drowning me out."_The crew likes both, but we can't get none_!" he yelled, and the response had more than a few snickers in it.

"Hey!" I said, surprised. I thought I treated the enlisted ranks pretty fairly. The work song continued as the turret settled in place, the sun rising above the fresh earthworks and fortifications. I shook my head, turned to walk back into the ship.

"So, Shepard..." Liara started, walking beside me. "I've been looking at our finances. We are desperately low on liquid funds."

"I know."

"We do what we can, when we can. The main thing is keeping everyone fed. There's still money coming in from Omega, along with the odd shipment of heat sinks and armor."

She nodded quietly, leather satchel slapping her leg as we walked back inside. The bridge was still abuzz as sensors and ECM suites were calibrated and re-calibrated. I acknowledged the crew as Miranda called out.

"Captain on the bridge!"

"Carry on, everyone," I grunted. We walked to the cockpit, nodding to the host of green-uniformed bodies. There were even a few Turians, shifting awkwardly in their uniforms. I made a mental note to talk to Gardner, who had promoted himself to 'head steward'. In the cockpit, Joker quickly closed down whatever he was doing as he heard me approach. He swung the chair around with a smile.

"Commander! It's been awhile."

"No it hasn't."

"Well, since I've seen you with Liara, at any rate..."

Liara's head cocked a little.

"It has been awhile, Joker. How have you been?"

He rolled his eyes, looked up at her as I turned to EDI.

"Bored, mostly. Even with everything going on, I feel like I'm the only one not doing..."

I sort of tuned out and turned to the little holographic figure. It turned to me, expectant.

"Well, EDI...what're your thoughts?"

"The crew has become listless, Commander. They require more than menial tasks to feel as if their contributions are noted. May I speak freely?" she asked, flashing and blinking. Liara and Joker turned, their own conversation dropping away. I nodded, crossing my arms.

"These men and women are soldiers. Make them feel like it."

She was right, dammit.

"Miranda!" I boomed, stepping out onto the bridge. "Get me the platoon commanders."

***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***

"Column...eyyyyeeess RIIGHT!" Zaeed hollered, greens immaculate and navy glengarry cap looking as new as the day it was issued. His arm snapped up cleanly, pace stick under his arm. Behind him, rows of marines in their regimental headwear snapped their eyes right, and slapped their weapons in unison as they passed. Behind them, the improvised parade ground just outside the ship was hemmed in by the Mi-99's and the three bucketheads we had managed to obtain through suspect channels. The band played cheerily, bagpipes and heavy drums rolling across the parade ground.

Miranda stood beside me at parade rest, along with Kelly and some of the other noncombatant types. Zaeed led the humans, and behind them came the rest of the volunteers- Tali's high-stepping quarians, Garrus's turian buddies. Mordin was up on the deck with me, and I stood in a fresh set of greens myself. Everything was dressed and pressed, with flags of every independent colony and group that came to help us hanging behind us by the Systems Alliance colours. Zaeed marched up to the podium and saluted as individual commanders dressed their men. I looked over the motley group. Headwear varied across humans, and the turian facial markings were fresh as they stood in gleaming armour. The quarians all wore their combat armour as well, with their dress robes over them.

I saluted Zaeed, and he took his place in the group. I took a deep breath by the microphone, looking over all of them, staring at me as Zaeed put them into parade rest. I turned to the seated civilians- Kelly, Jack, Kasumi, Legion...and I questioned myself all of half a moment. Then I turned to those men and women, who stood with expectant eyes.

"We all know why we're here. We all know the Reapers are coming. Many of you are Citadel veterans, and you all saw what Sovereign could do. Maybe you encountered their tech way out on the rim, on some Godforsaken planet. Some of you dealt with Ceberus, or are here as a favour to one of my crew. In any case, I don't know what to tell you. A storm is coming, we all know that, but not much beyond it. What we've heard or felt of it. Husks. Collectors. The Reapers are coming, we all know it. And this ship, us...we have to be the tip of the spear. We're going to be on the front lines, defending our homes from that invasion. Most of us have been warning people for years. We all know that if the geth were capable of building a ship like that once, they'd do it again, over and over. Sovereign had the Council on the ropes with just one, why wouldn't they build more? It just doesn't make sense. There's more of them, and they're not geth. They're coming, and they're hungry. No one else is going to stand with us until it's too late, until they're on the doorstep. What happens when a hundred ships like that shows up over Earth? Palaven? When they come face to face with the Flotilla? We need to come together and be ready to fight them. We need to seek out their influence and destroy it where we can. That's why we're here. And if we stick together, if we look past our differences, we can at least give those machines one hell of a fight. I'm headed to Earth, to face my charges pre-emptively. I leave in a week. Now, all of you have the choice- you can come with me, show the Alliance how we've all stood together, or you can stay here and help others get ready. Help turn this patch of dirt into a base for the coming war. PARADE! Attttten-hut! By the left, OPEEEEEEEEN RANKS!" I thundered. Each front and back rank took three steps away from the center rank.

"All volunteers, one step forwards, MARCH!"

There was thunder on the tarmac as every single one of the enlisted men, their sergeants and officers, took one step forwards in unison. I almost broke down at that point. How many of them were there, willing to lay down their lives? Tali's helmet gleamed up at me. Garrus stood there too, along with Zaeed and the rest of them. Hell, Gardner was there, staff in hand, with the band.

"One week, troops. One week, and we head into Alliance space. Some of you will have to stay behind, of course. But we're going to show these bureaucrats exactly what we're capable of. Parade, DISSSSSSSSSSMISSED!"

The band thundered to life as officers turned to their men.

***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***

The entire crew was nervous the day before we left for Earth. Even Hackett wasn't thrilled at the idea, but agreed it was for the best. I paced back and forth across the bridge, double and triple checking crew lists and inventories. Jacob was issuing damn near every arm we had. Everyone had their sidearms, subguns, or rifles close at hand. Zaeed was apparently of the opinion that my many enemies might take a shot at me when I showed up on Earth. I was hardly surprised, but when we came up with coffee, he was in his full armour. The marines, too- all of them roamed the halls, combat ready already. He handed me a mug, nodding. I took a sip- it was spiked with whiskey. I raised an eyebrow at him.

"It's a little early, Zaeed."

"Been up all night, Commander. Had to plot out all the best lines of sight for snipers and figure where the fuck a bomb could be. Then me and EDI talked about how to defeat an artillery strike, or an orbital kinetic strike. The Illusive motherfucker would totally flatten a base or station to get at you."

I took another sip, and shrugged. Kelly wasn't far behind him, eyes red. There were bags under them.

"Am I the only one who slept last night?" I asked. They nodded, taking seats on my couch. I set the coffee down, and listened to their reports and suggestions. Zaeed wanted to treat all the Systems Alliance personnel as potentially hostile, and Kelly had drawn up a list for my expected contingent of bodyguards. Gardner had sent up my dress blues the day before, and they hung out by my shower. I ran my hand along jawline, noticing a spot I had missed shaving.

"Alright. I'll take everything under consideration. Get some rack time. I need you to be at the top of your game tomorrow."

They nodded, and left. I sat there in my cabin a moment, staring at the reports, then my uniform. It struck me that Ash hadn't come out. I still hadn't written her back. Walking over to my desk, I brought up her letter, and remembered standing on the Citadel, watching her watching everyone. I remembered fighting with her- fighting the geth, too. I smirked a little, remembering her poetry. I wished that things had ended differently between us, I suppose. I could understand how it was hard to square things up after...well, being dead a couple of years.

Still, she hadn't gone AWOL and come out to me. That was a bit of a blow. But I couldn't expect my ex to come running to me, that just isn't fair. I sighed, went back to the bathroom to touch up my shave.

***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***

I don't know how late it was when I started wandering the halls the day before we reached Earth. The night before? The morning? I hardly remember. I ended up on the crew deck, in the empty mess hall. I sat down a moment, lost in thought. I've done things. I've done things I regret, and I've done things I'm proud of. I've helped people. I've killed them. And now I was getting ready to either get a commendation, or a noose. I was dragging everyone I knew with me- and a lot of them were up for the same treatment for their pasts, or for desertion. I contemplated stealing a Mi-99 and making a run for Earth myself when I heard the music. The slow, low beat of a drum, the idle strum of a guitar. It shook me loose. I looked around, and started pacing. It was coming from the gunnery bay. I walked over, and the door hissed open.

Inside, Kelly stood with an electric bass. Garrus had some kind of small drum, and was beating it in rhythm as he sat on a case of linked heat sinks. Jack was perched on a barrel, and they kept right on playing. I'm not sure they noticed me there as Jack sang. Well, Garrus looked up, but kept right on playing.

"_They say bad things happen for a reason_  
_But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding_  
_'Cause he's moved on while I'm still grieving.._."

Her voice wasn't bad, but she trailed off as soon as she saw me there, nodding in time. Kelly turned red. Jack's chin thrust out at me.

"Heard of knocking, asshole?" she called out to me, angry. I shrugged.

"Sorry to have bothered you guys," I managed, and turned around. I heard their voices murmuring behind me, and kept walking. Tali was waiting for me, I guessed. I tried to collect myself for what would prove to be the longest day of my entire life.


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N:** Short little ficlet. Takes place about a month before the events of the third game. I'm seriously torn about continuing this fic after the end of ME3. But I'm working through things, and maybe this will help.

Up, down.

Six months.

Up.

Seventeen days.

Down.

A half year of my life, wasted in that tiny room. I was doing my daily routine- pushups in the morning before interrogation or trial. My first day on Earth had been downright terrifying- my marines stared down their Alliance counterparts as I tried to keep everything calm. Being arrested, interrogated twenty hours. Medical exams. The Alliance wanted the Normandy, and I gave it to them in exchange for clemency for most of my men. Quite a few rabbited back to the base. I didn't know, of course. I was in total lockdown. Jack has spoken about the SHU before. Twenty-three hour a day lockdown. Strip searches. That was exactly what I was living now. One hour of mandatory PT a day. Hell, they had even taken my dog tags as a 'suicide risk'. I wasn't. It was just a bullshit excuse.

Up.

There was a knock. I rolled out of pushup position, stood sweaty and shirtless.

"Come in," I called out.

The thick plasteel door slid open, and a hugely muscled marine entered. I nodded and bladed my body.

"So, another medical?" I asked, wary.

"Naw, sir. I just wanted to introduce myself," he said, snapping a salute at me before extending his hand.

"Lieutenant James Vega, 103rd Marine."

I shook his hand. I remained skeptical.

"So, how can I help you?"

"Naw, it's not like that. I just wanted to introduce myself to you, since I'm your new bodyguard. I figured I should to a feel for you, you know?"

I nodded, frowning.

"Yeah, I know. Alright, what do you need to know?"

He laughed.

"Well, for starters, how you take your coffee."

I gestured, and we both sat down on the crappy plastic chairs.

"Black as sin. What do I need to be protected again, Lieutenant?"

He shrugged his huge shoulders. "I don't know. Anderson got me off of Omega just to do it, so it must be something pretty serious."

I eyed him up, and leaned back. He seemed disturbingly honest about the whole thing. My mind turned over. Something had changed. It didn't make sense to have be rot in solitary for four months after my trial while the brass 'deliberated' and 'assessed a continued stream of new evidence'. Apparently, forming a paramilitary group and associating with Aria hadn't gone over too well. I hadn't heard from them in almost half a year.

"Well, alright. Can you tell me what's been going on in the world since I've been in here?"


	29. Chapter 29

A/N: Takes place after the the escape from Earth. The quote is from one of my favorite poems- The Next War, by Wilfred Owen.

The minor pains came to the surface as the adrenaline slowly filtered out. All the doubt, the pain, the horror of seeing my home planet destroyed a second time...it all came flooding in. I heard a tap as Ash reloaded on the other side of the bay, murmuring quietly with Vega. I looked over my shoulder, and thought to myself...to hell with it. I stripped off my dress blues as Ash watched. They were already shredded in places- more than a few of the smaller fragments had gotten through my shields during the gunfight with...whatever those things were as we escaped earth. My nose curled up, and I thought about my greens. The blues hit the deck...and I felt better, even if I was in my skivvies. I felt eyes swivel towards me, especially Ashley's. I gave her half a grin.

"I can't go gunfighting in my dress blues, El-cee."

"I guess that's true..." she conceded with half a smile. I tugged on the mesh underlayed, hopping around. It was tight- Anderson was right, I was out of shape. Ash stiffled a giggle, and I didn't even feel bad. You had to laugh, or you'd cry. Everything we had grown up with knowing was being destroyed. Those things you thought were immovable- the Empire State Building, the Eiffel Tower...they were being leveled. Everything humanity had ever built was being leveled, brick by brick.

Vega was already more than half armored. He shrugged his way into his curriass as I strapped on a greave.

"What the hell could be on Mars, sir?" he asked. He was clearly still pissed at having left earth.

"I don't know, but Liara's there. It's got to be important," I replied, flexing my leg and feeling ridiculous. We didn't have time to find a set on underarmor properly sized, so I just made do. Everything was stock- the Mantis on the table, the Phalanx instead of my revolver. It all felt strange. I had gotten used to running my own ship.

"Hope she's doing alright. How has she been?" Ash asked, chambering a heat sink.

"Oh...you know. Fairly well, I guess..." I said as Vega stared at me cockeyed. Ash looked at me strangely, and shrugged. Then I noticed it. OD on black, ceramic sheath on her upper thigh. Brass knuckles on top of a blade- it was pretty recognizable.

"Where did you get the trench knife?" I asked, pointing appreciatively.

"You know what that's called?" Vega grunted. "I just thought it was a badass shank."

"I majored in history, Lieutenant. It's really nice, Ash. Can I see?"

She glanced at the floor, and I saw why she had let her hair go. Her face was covered as she leaned on her knees.

"I'd really rather you not, Skipper."

"Why's that?"

"It's kind of a...thing."

She glanced at James, and he shifted back and forth. I nodded at him, and he caught the hint. He wasn't mad, he just understood when some things couldn't be discussed in public. I bought him a beer later to make things up, But he took his leave to double check his weapons. Ash looked back up at me. Her warm brown eyes were wet. I could tell she was composing herself. I put on a few more pieces of armor as she did.

"About a year after you...died, I started seeing an armorer. Me and my people ended up with a lot of scrap equipment chasing Cerberus. We were goign out every couple of days with heavy infantry support. So me and him started getting friendly. He had lost his girl in a pro-human bombing years ago. Girl and her mother, both asari. He started feeding me information he got from...well, I didn't ask too many questions."

Her face was some far off place. She smirked.

"One time, we helped the STG take down what looked like a place meant to reverse-engineer Dragon's Teeth. We came back, and we'd been seeing each other about eight months. I came back at the crack of dawn, found an honest to God candle burning and a package on my bunk. He was asleep, so I opened it. He hammered it out of one of my pieces of armor, used lasers to get the blade so thin, he had to make a special sheath it was so sharp. Said those omni-blades worked not bad, but they couldn't beat real steel. Too flashy, too newfangled. Wars were always fought by men with steel, he told me."

I nodded, following along as she glanced down at the olive-drab knuckles, the shiny sheath. it had more than a few nicks in it, but looked well loved. I could see where the knobs on the knuckles had made repeated contact with something, the paint long scuffed away. She smiled, hand glancing off of the steel.

"Dean was a good man," she said quietly. She seemed to remember I was there, glanced up and blushed. "You...must not want to hear about this," she said, getting her composure back.

"It's fine, Ash. I'm glad you found some happiness while I was...dead. I stil have a hard time talking about it. But still, Ash- I have to tell you something. I saw one of your ops."

"Which?"

"I don't know. I was proud of you for sticking up for your men, and fighting those Cerberus goons."

She thought for a second, brow furrowing.

"A red moon. The sniper thing?"

"Yeah."

She nodded.

"That was Dean, in the armor. He tripped a booby trap. I had to deal with Toombs directly after that...before he bought the farm."

"Toombs is dead?"

She nodded. "Doesn't matter."

I shook my head. Poor bastard. Filled with so much really landed on my shoulders.

"God...Ash. Why do we keep this up? Between Cerberus and all the other crazies out there, humanity's going to destroy itself."

"That's not true, though...Skipper. There's people like us here to fight for it. It's always been like this. There will always be people who step up to defend others. Remember your poetry:

_Oh Death was never enemy of ours!_

_We laughed, knowing that better men would come,_

_And greater wars: when each proud fighter brags_

_He wars on Death, for lives; not men, for flags_."

For the first time in months, I smiled genuinely. I finished putting on my armor as James got the shuttle prepped.

"Welcome back aboard, Ash. I've missed you."


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: **Whenever I play, Liara always seems to end up near an ashtray.

I iced down my jaw where James had dinged me. The Glenlivet was full of ice as the four of us sat around. Steve popped a beer, handed it to Vega. Liara took a long pull on her cigarette, ignored hers.

"Well. This has been instructive," she murmured.

"What, surprised that I dinged the Commander?" James said, almost rising. Liara regarded him cooly.

"No. I suppose you haven't seen the video of three bouts between the Commander and Miranda Lawson. It was...quite the match."

I raised an eyebrow as best I could. Well, I suppose the Shadow Broker had spies on my ship at some point...

"For reals?" 

"Yes, James."

I sipped my scotch, and everyone turned to me. I shifted uncomfortably, but we were headed for Eden Prime. We had time. James and I were both bruised, and that bore some explanation. Ash was in in the hospital- and that bore more. There wasn't anything I could do. I hated it- as much as I hated her hurting, I hated not being able to do anything more.

"Who won?"

"Shepard, by submission in the third round. I heard that Tali was quite upset."

I didn't say anything, took a sip of Glenlivet. James and Cortez looked at me expectantly, but I didn't say anything.

"Liara, heard from any of my people yet?"

She shook her head, face blank.

"They should be filtering towards Illium now. There's not too many reports yet- too much information to sift through. I'll prioritize it, though."

"Your people?" Vega asked, raising an eyebrow. His crossed arms pretty clearly showed what he thought of them.

"Yeah, my crew sort of broke away from Cerberus, collected all kinds of misfits who believed my warning about the Reapers, and put together a resupply base for when this day arrived," I explained as well as I could without getting bitter. A lot of my men put a lot of hard work into being ready for this day, and we'd need every bit of help we could get.

"That's where we're going?" Cortez asked, eyebrows raised. I nodded, took another sip of scotch. "No point in just leaving the supplies there. We need them- we left the shipyard with the bare essentials. Might as well use what I put six months of my life into..."

*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME****ME*****ME******ME*****ME*****

The automated defences let us in easily enough- there weren't too many Normandy-class frigates in the air. Joker remembered exactly where it was- even though the old crew had done a pretty good job or camouflaging it. He put the ship down easily enough, and we opened the bay door. Fresh air rushed in as the crew stood ready. There weren't took many of them- the Normandy had literally taken off with the shakedown crew and whoever else could scramble aboard. Five marines, a whack of tech people- Joker had been literally dragged onship by strangers. By the time the ramp had lowered, there was a motley collection of figures waiting, all in olive drab uniforms. At the head of them was a man in a dark blue beret-Rolston. He snapped a salute, then offered me his hand as the blue-clad Alliance personnel looked on nervously. Most of the men in greens were armed, while the new crew...wasn't, so much. Liara was, of course. I could see that the new crew was looking a tad uncomfortable. I shook the midshipman's hand regardless, followed him off the ship.

"There's only a few of us here, sir," he said as we walked through the mothballed base. "We went dark pretty early, about eight months ago. We used up most of the funds, and all dispersed. Patel actually settled in Nos Astra, she runs an army surplus store."

The new crew and old started to mingle, exchanging handshakes and icebreakers. A few new buildings had been put up- mostly prefab, composite warehouse stuff. I didn't mind- Joker said it looked like we had started 'selling drugs out the back of our car'. I suppose that was the point- blend in. Rolston and I stepped away from the crowd. He shrugged his shoulders, rolling the long-stocked shotgun into a more comfortable position, slung mid-back.

"How have you been, sir?"

"Had better days."

He nodded, thumbs looped into his pockets.

"We've been waiting. Moved the base proper a couple of miles away, into this box canyon. It's big enough for the Normandy to land in, and there's only one way in. We used some old mining equipment, and Patel's connections to get all sorts of fun surprises in store. We've been dead broke for months, and a lot of people lost the will to fight and went home. Once we heard about Earth...everything made sense. There's about two dozen of us here already. Everyone we could contact, we did. We've been been here since, getting everything ready."

I nodded along, and it took a few minutes to look around. It didn't look like anything special.

"Do we know if we lost anyone?"

"A few people. Matthews, Burt. A few of the marines."

It didn't take long for James to catch up with us.

"Loco! What's up with all these guys? They say they've been waiting for this for a year."

"Told you, they're my old crew. We're taking some of them with us, along with some stuff."

He crossed his arms, frowning.

"Stuff?"

"Yeah," I said, pointing. A few mixed sets of greens and blues were loading cases of small arms and heat sinks onto the ship.

"Serious, Loco? We could get that shit anywhere."

Rolston glanced over at me with a disquieting smirk.

"By your leave, sir?"

"Mister Vega, why don't you take a walk with us?"

*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****

The warehouse was dark. Vega looked at me skeptically, leaning against the doorframe.

"Wow. A warehouse. Watch the fuck out."

Rolston flicked on the lights, and down the line, the lights flared on to revealed dust-covered tarps draped over various forms. He walked out onto the floor, and stood by the two largest covers. Others mostly seemed to be covering boxes.

"All I'm seeing is crates of rations and heat sinks, Loco. You're not impressing me so far."

Rolston gestured, and we walked past tarped mounds. Two huge tents appeared to be set up close to the center of the warehouse. Walking up to the first, Rolston gestured. Vega rolled his eyes, and and Rolston jerked the tarp free in a puff of dust. When everything settled, his eyes widened.

"Madre de Dios!"

Rolston grinned as he looked up at the Mil-99, lovingly cared for. The second, similar lump under the tarp was ready to be unveiled.

"Two of them, Loco? Serious?"

"Yeah, James. I was ready for a Reaper invasion any day. That was the idea- they could show up anytime, and we had to be ready to fight."

James ran his hand over the nose-mounted cannons.

"So what are we going to do with the Kodiaks?"

"Give them back to the Alliance," I managed with a shrug. I didn't seen any reason to keep the flying bricks when I had better. Vega nodded along, walking around the huge craft. The suits of mobile armor wheeled past us in the meantime. Rolston nodded at me, clearly pleased.

"Got troopers for those suits?"

"Not yet, sir...not yet."

"Well, start looking. We need to be a real force in the fight."

"Aye, sir. Firebase Riq'qua will give Illium proper minutes, maybe hours. Trust us. We're planning to defend this place till the end, make sure people are safe. The whole base is here to make sure you can help everyone, sir."

They did end up helping, a lot more than any of us understood at the time.


	31. Chapter 31

Rounds slammed into the hull of the Mi-99 Hind. The big machine shrugged them off, and the turret swivelled. Suppressive fire barked, and white-armored bodies shattered. A side door opened, and a door gunner laid down more fire behind his armored turret. We all dashed, James and I with artifacts tucked under our arms like glowing, evil footballs. Liara jumped on board first, and I tossed the Reaper artifact up to her. She caught it easily, put it down in the cavernous hold. James was next into the shuttle. Cortez held it steady as I grabbed Vega's hand and hopped in. Well, mostly hopped in. A Cerberus trooper tackled me the rest of the way in, roaring as he struggled to draw his sidearm. I was sprawled on the deck, vulnerable. Liara screamed my name desperately, while Cortez lifted the hell away from the research lab. The Hind canted, sending everyone off balance and sending us rolling across the steel plates. I was trying for my revolver, he was punching me in the face. I saw Liara come in with the butt of her gun, pistol whip the bastard. He fell to one side, and James' huge, booted foot lifted in the air. The crunch it made as it as he shattered the helmet and killed the trooper had me shuddering for days.

We all panted a moment, and James laughed. The door gunner walked over, helped me up. Liara was frowning at James. She turned to me, and her features softed slightly. I caught a glimpse of the girl I rescued on Therum years ago as she looked me up and down. "Are you alright, Shepard?" she asked slowly. I nodded, and looked down at the body. I caught glimpses of mildly florescent blue mingled with the shatted gold of the faceplate. "Ugh. Well, at least we came back with a present for Chakwas," I grunted. Liara shook her head, and we whipped back towards the Normandy.

****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME****ME*****ME****ME*****ME****ME*****ME****

James grunted as he hauled the body off for the good doctor. It was wrapped in a tarp- and not a soul wanted to help him. He cursed his way across the deck as Liara followed me to the elevator. We got on, sped off as he dragged the mess alone. I caught Liara glance over at me.

"So, how is Tali?"

"Quiet. I haven't heard from her, and I've sent her everything short of a pen and paper letter."

"The Fleet has been active lately. I...I'm glad you're back, Shepard."

I started to say something, and the door opened. Two green clad men in berets stood there, talking. Abruptly, they stood to attention.

"We'll take the next elevator by your leave, sir," one said. I shook my head.

"It's got a body to be dissected on it, troop. C'mon," I said, gesturing to them. They shrugged and stepped aboard, and I turned back to Liara. She glanced at the floor.

"EDI told me about how things were while I was...gone," she said. "You made some waves."

I grunted. I knew that much. Liara looked at the floor, and we got off on the bridge in an uncomfortable silence. The men and women in green came to attention with a 'Commander on deck!'. The Alliance personel simply watched, confounded. I called for them to carry on, glanced reflexively at Specialist Traynor's station, then to my left. Kelly and Miranda, both gone. I grunted, and Liara headed towards the bridge.

"Turn us towards Citadel, Joker. I need a cold beer and a warm meal. Any luck finding Gardner?"

"That monster? I mean, uh...no, sir! None at all."

"Just find him, Joker. I'm beat. Any updates on Ash?"

There was a pause, and I could almost hear Joker rubbing his neck and muttering to Liara as I stood not fifty feet away.

"She's out of surgery, Commander. That's all I know."

I nodded. My hands went to my beret, smoothing it reflexively. Traynor stared at me a moment.

"Your green uniform is in your quarters, Commander."

I was surprised it wasn't confiscated. I nodded. "Did you do that, Specialist?"

"Just Traynor, sir. And no. But I figure you're more comfortable in it, and no one on this boat would dare to tell the first human Spectre how to dress."

"Do you know why I chose greens, Traynor? We're not strictly an Alliance ship. There's a half-dozen ex-Cerberus people on board already. There were turians and quarians, a few Krogan. A bunch of mercenaries, a bunch of folks from colonies that were never Alliance to begin with. Everyone on this boat needs to be the same. No one should care where they're from. On this boat, the only thing that matters is pushing back the Reapers."

The bridge was dead silent a moment, and Traynor nodded. I plotted the course, turned away. I got to my cabin, stripped down. I grabbed forty winks, ate, and checked my kit. Once that was done, I tossed off my salt-encrusted fatigues and got clean. Once I was out of the shower and in my jeans and hoodie, EDI buzzed. I raised an eyebrow.

"What's gone wrong now, EDI?" I asked, feeling a headache starting to form.

"Nothing at all, Commander," the smooth synthetic voice said with a trace a smugness. "I just wished to let you know that recruitment for your as-yet unnamed organization has skyrocketted. Midshipman Rolston is requesting any logistical aid you can supply."

"What? What the hell happened?"

Another pause.

"I may have sent a transcript of a recent bridge conversation to the midshipman, who may have made a video. Which may have gone 'viral', in one sense of the word."

The headache was suddenly much, much worse. I suddenly suspected that Anderson and Hackett were going to crawl up my ass and around the corner as soon as the opportunity presented itself. I walked back to the bathroom and popped a pair of asprin before heading to the bridge.

*******ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*******

Ash looked pretty groggy. I smiled down at her, clutching the books I had brought her.

"Hey Skipper," she amanged, rolling her head slowly towards me.

"Brought you some presents, Ash."

"Tenneyson and...Kipling?"

"I always liked Kipling," I said, pulling up a chair. "How're you feeling?"

"Awful, Skipper. But I'm alive, and that's something. Hear anything about my sisters?"

"Not yet."

She glanced away.

"How's the rest of the old crew, then?"

"Wrex is on Tuchanka, as far as I know. Liara's on board. She's the only one we've managed to get so far. Everyone's in the wind, Ash. I really kind of want you back..."

It dawned on me what I had said. She frowned a bit.

"I heard you were with Tali."

"I meant, on board. The crew is skeletal, even with the new guys we brought on board."

"Yeah, your paramilitary fanatics. I heard about that," she said with a wry smile. "The men in green."

"Yeah, I'm missing more than a few of them. I think you'd like them, if you gave them a chance."

She nodded a little. "Well, as soon as I can...I'll be back with you. Skipper," she said, rolling her head away from me. I took my cue, and left.

*******ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*******

"This man," Chakwas said, "is a murderer."

She was frowning across an improvised autopsy table., scrubs soaked in blood. There were flecks on the pleximask, on the elbow-length gloves.

"He is a member of Cerberus," I intoned. I thought it was kind of obvious. Chakwas waved a scalpel at me like a mother shaking her finger at a mouthy child.

"No, Commander. Look at his tattoos. EDI scanned and coroborated them. "

Sure enough, fingers and face- well, once the florescent blue gunk was cleared away- were covered in markings. Most of them seemed vaguely familliar as pirate or slaver tats, but I didn't know their meanings.

"He was in Purgatory at least once, Commander. He was caught again. His tattoos are a litany of horror. I hate to say this, but all the evidence says that if the history presented in his tattoos was false, he would have been killed by now," she said grimly. Her scowl made me think twice.

"Why would he be recruited, then? It doesn't make a lot of sense to break a man out of prison to turn him into cannon fodder."

She shook her head, paced a bit before stripping off her surgical gloves and dumping them in a bin.

"I don't think he was recruited."

"What do you mean, Doc?"

She frowned, peeling off her apron and tossing it in the bin, too. She sat down with a thump on a stool.

"I dissected his brain. I won't go into exactly what I found, because I'm not sure exactly what it was. Regardless, all of his higher functions were comprimised. I don't think this man was operating under his own willpower. The process is absolutely ruinous to the mind of the person involved."

It kind of baffled me for a memory, then I caught were Chakwas was going.

"So, you're saying the Ceberus is conscripting shock troops?"

She nodded slowly, rubbing her face with the heels of her palms.

"If I had to explain it, I would say that Cerberus was taking anyone they could and turning them into cannon fodder."

There was no shortage of refugees. Something inside of me turned hard and dark.

"They say they're trying to save humanity, and here they are enslaving any sucker they can. Maybe just anyone they can. I thought the ranks seemed a little thick. Goddamn. GODDAMN!" I cursed. I wanted to punch something. There were just too many fires, and not enough people or water to deal with every problem. To be honest, I felt partially responsible. If I hadn't messed up all their operations...no. No, I told myself. _This isn't on me. _I balled my fists, took a deep breath, then another.

"Well Doc, I could really use a brandy right about now."


	32. Chapter 32

Garrus spun the glass on the bar, looking at it. I pulled myself up on a stool next to him.

"How's things, Commander?"

"Had better days. I know you've definitely looked better."

He snorted, taking a sip of his drink. He shook his head and gave me his best smirk.

"This is my favorite turian brandy, Shepard. I'd offer you some, if it wouldn't kill you. Might be one of the last bottles that'll ever be made," he told me. "I can't believe it's actually happening. I thought we made a difference out there, Shepard. We had warned people, that any of the preparations we had made mattered."

"They did. The base is helping refugees. We're stockpiling all the firepower we can."

"How can that matter?" he said. "They've taken the capitals of the Alliance and the Hierarchy in under a two weeks. The two biggest militaries in the galaxy are back on their heels."

I reached over the bar, groping until I felt the neck of a beer. I pulled it out, looked at it. A pale ale. It felt wrong to have something so light with such a heavy subject on the table. I twisted the cap off, took a pull.

"We can do this, Garrus. Remember, we're too dumb to die."

He snorted and took a sip.

"I feel like I haven't slept in years, Shepard."

I slapped his shoulder.

"We all do, Garrus. Just grab some rack after this drink."

He snorted again. He took his eyes off of his glass, looked me square in the eyes.

"I haven't felt this bad since you died, Shepard. I ended up in Lubbock a couple of weeks later, on July fourth. The locals were having some sort of ancient celebration that involved showing how much you loved the land by blowing a chunk of it up. I wandered through, stopped and saw the statue of you. There were Alliance flags all over it, little cards and candles. I paid my respects, wandered over to the closest bar to get dead drunk. I expected something out of an old movie- angry locals suspicious of outsiders. Nope. There were a half-dozen other turians crowded around the bar with an elcor and some other humans. They were all laughing and toasting something called 'meri-cuh'. I sidled up, the bartender poured me a dextro beer without even asking. I raised it, and before long, I was talking with the other turians. Yeah, they had come there to see the statue. Yeah, wasn't it something? I asked them why they were celebrating a human holiday, and they said they weren't."

I raised an eyebrow, took another slug of beer.

"They said they were celebrating your life. The difference you made, the help you gave. So, I went along with it. We all drank, and they took turns telling stories. It was good. Maybe that's what we all need to do, celebrate everything before we...if we go to that big bar in the sky, the one where the drinks aren't watered down and batarians don't poison you."

I grunted and laughed. "You know what, Garrus? Maybe. Maybe. We'd need a few more guests, you know."

"I surely hope you wouldn't think of not inviting me," a lilting voice called out. Liara walked around behind the bar, pulled out a bottle of wine that had already been opened. She poured herself a glass. We looked at each other, then her. Who knows how long she had been listening. Garrus stumbled over his words as I grinned.

"Sure, why wouldn't I invite you?" I asked. She blushed in response. I didn't press, and there was a moment of silence. Garrus looked away as Liara lit up. I pushed the ashtray towards her. She nodded and ashed in it. I reached out, grabbed her wrist.

"You're here now, Liara."

Garrus finished his drink, shook it off.

"And that's what matters. Like the humans say, water under the bridge."

He slapped Liara's shoulder, and stood up. I looked at her, and she seemed a touch concerned.

"He's right, Liara," I managed around a mouthful of beer. "Water under the bridge. Life's too short for me to hold a bad call against you. I'm just glad you're back."


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: **The song in the bar is called Numbra One, from the Max Payne soundtrack. Words Mordin spoke...'Proud to be here, proud to serve'. I spoke those words once. All messed up on account of EC and all that. Pay no mind. Also, not strictly sober.

"I'm sorry I slugged you, Shep," Jack said. We were alone, her students going on ahead of us. She had stopped me right off of the shuttle, and even Vega caught on that she wanted a private word with me. The men and women in green had cleared out quick, and the ones in blue had taken the hint. I raised an eyebrow, and she threw me a crooked grin.

"Don't worry, you're still pretty," she managed. One tattooed hand reached for my face...and abruptly pulled back.

I grunted, rubbed my jaw. Threw her a half smile.

"Like the new hair, by the way. "

She tugged idly at her ponytail. It was long, dark...a slice of how I imagined her. Darker, maybe- I sort of pictured her with auburn hair. Another life, she would have looked like the kind of girl men kill over. Right there, right then...well, she was the girl worth killing over, and looked good to boot.

"Yeah, I'm coming around on it. Rodriguez showed me how to take care of it," she said, letting something slip. A year ago, she wouldn't have said anything, just stared me down. Another nervous tug. She flicked her head, let go, looked at me. I could tell by the way she acted cold, that she was worried.

"She'll be alright, I think. Chakwas is the best surgeon in the fleet. You've seen her work. Hell, you've been her work."

"Yeah, she's not bad."

There were a few seconds of silence as I leaned against a crate of heat sinks, and she observed the paint job on one of the Hinds. It was a woman with bright red hair in a chainmail bikini, with angel's wings sprouting from her back, the work of one of the ground crew. Heavy sword in one hand, Phalanx in the other, she smiled with a touch too much sultriness for her dark, focused eyes. The paint was still fresh, and the name was in red on the digital grey camo- the Radiant Avenger. Jack grunted, looked at me.

"Subtle."

"Hey, the paintjob is nice. Anyways, I like the crew to have a little pride in what they do."

There was a crash from inside the ship, and curses. A quarian mechanic stomped down the gangway, spotted us.

"Didn't mean to interrupt," she managed. She was one of the fantatics, the ones who had stayed with Rolston the whole year I was incarcerated. Rabi'ah nar Idenna, that was her name. A true believer. She tossed a salute, and edged around us, vanished from sight as fast as she could.

"So," I asked, crossing my arms, "what was with that kiss?"

She looked away, face becoming impassive. "Let's just say I spent a year gettin' my shit straight. When I heard the Reapers hit Earth, well...I thought you were ash in a mess of concrete. I was glad to see you pulling your white knight bullshit again. I...well, I missed you, Shep."

She turned away from me, jaw set.

"Scared the fuck out of me," Jack managed, teeth grit. "for the first time in a long while. Don't see Tali around. Or much of anyone else, for that matter. Where's Scarface?"

The abrupt shift in topic caught me a little off guard. Even Cortez was nowhere to be seen.

"Don't know. Everyone's in the wind, except Ash, Liara and Garrus. Tali? Not a peep, but I was in the Shoe."

She raised one perfect eyebrow.

"The Shoe? Seriously? Twenty-three hour lockdown?"

"No comms, no nothing. The only thing that got through was snail mail, and I didn't even get that. "

She frowned. "Sorry, Shep. I was busy."

I raised an eyebrow.

"You were going to write me?"

"If I had known. Hell, I do enough of it with the kids."

I paused a moment.

"Are you telling me, you do paperwork?"

"Grades and all that...stuff."

She grimaced a little, threw me a smirk.

"I know, you're shocked. I'm not bad with a pen, Shep."

"Christ, Jack...if I had known, I'd have had you help with mine."

She punched me in the shoulder lightly, then tossed her head a little.

"This year's been big on change. Got any Cameron's left?" she asked, smiling. "We got a few hours till we get to the Citadel, I figure we can split a pitcher and catch up."

I grinned ear to ear. Every person got back on my crew, the better I felt.

"So why are you headed to the Citadel?" I asked, jamming my thumbs in my pocket.

"Gotta set up shop somewhere."

"Why not here?"

She smirked.

"I'm not putting my kids on a warship after you convince me to put them in the back ranks," she grunted as we walked towards the elevator. She glanced back, put her hand on my chest. Her chin jutted, a challenge. I looked, seeing no one...only the other Hind. On it was a domino mask, a dancing figure, a green robe, lewd smile. The Scherazade.

"That ain't Tali, Shep?"

"Not unless Tali became human overnight. Anyways, isn't the Normandy safer than a lot of places?"

She grunted, shoved me. "Just making sure, Shep," she said before giving me a slow smile. "I'd hate to ruin her day if she threw a punch at me. Y'know, for that kiss. And I'll think on it."

I could almost taste the glee in her voice. Hell, the glee in that kiss, the taste of black coffee and blue steak. Something inside me shuddered, and I smiled as we headed up to the crew deck.

"Stay a bit, Jack. It's been awhile," I said as we walked towards the elevator. "Haven't you missed the Normandy?"

*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****

"And then Seanne, she just smiles, and shrugs it off! Lost two teeth, but she learned to shield herself. Learned to be tough."

I took another sip of the Cameron's. Seanne, the girl. I remembered her, the girl with shield in the hall...bright red hair, freckles.

"You did that?" I asked. Seanne took a pull from her pint, jutted her chin out at Prangley. Jack laughed.

"Nawp, I just put the booze in the mix. I'm their teacher, not their babysitter. Big boys and girls have to learn like all the rest. Sometimes, school needs the odd hard knock. The little...bastards are running around and can snap a man's neck at fifty yards. Gotta learn hard and young how to control that. Gotta learn that there's consequences to everything you do."

She laughed, and Seanne laughed. She had a touch of an accent that came out when she was drinking.

"School of hard knocks, straight from the Psychotic Biotic," she called out, raising her glass of bitter.

Her grin was infectious...and her face young. The three of us were up against the bar, and Prangley and the rest milled about. There was a rowdy game of poker going between the students...with Vega sitting in. He couldn't resist a game. And Good Lord, those kids were hustling him. I smiled at Jack.

"You didn't stop them?"

"Nope. Biotics gotta learn it's a hard-knock life. She ran her mouth, she's gotta live with the consequences."

"What did she say?" Garrus managed, sipping from a straw. He was having the turian equivalent of a gin and tonic. I could smell it from two seats over.

"Called him a four-eyed varrenspawn."

"In my defence," the girl slurred, "I cleaned his clock."

Jack shook her head. "And that's why you ended up dancing in Vasquez's singularity for a half hour," Jack grunted. "Picking on that other kid, I knew both of them had to learn- one to stand up, one to think twice about picking on people smaller than her. So she she started talking sssss...smack at hte bar, I told him to throw down."

I looked at the turian, and he looked at me. We both looked at Jack.

"How old is she?" he asked slowly.

"Fifteen."

"Drinking at fifteen? Isn't that illegal?" he asked, spinning his glass. I raised an eyebrow, and Jack took a pull of her beer.

"Nature of the game. They're gonna get into it one day. They take a taste of liquor now, get hung over for class...well, let's just say that a pull pulse and a hangover are a real good combination to keep the kids moderating their drinking," she said with a smirk.

"Especially when they're the ones cleaning it up."

*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****

Mordin, Garrus and I sat at the table at Purgatory. The music thumped, and we all looked at each other. I glanced out at the dance floor, where a quite drunk Liara was dancing frantically. Many of the crew we doing the same with reckless abbandon. Hands flailed in the air as they tried to dance their worries away. Traynor's hair whipped as she hopped to the pulsing, irritating thumping. Even Purgatory's sound system couldn't filter out the damn distortions in the music. Garrus looked at me, then at Mordin. He had to use his battlefield shout to be heard over the noise.

"Well, I don't know about you guys, but I need a real drink," he called out, setting aside his beer. Both Mordin and I nodded along- we were supposed to be looking out for the girls on this trip. Jack and her students had headed for Chora's Den, scorning the idea of staying with us 'norms'. The girl...I couldn't remember her name, but I remembered her. Promises, beaches, and green dresses. She turned up with her paramour, dancing and laughing. Before long, my Wild Turkey arrived. I could just about hear Mordin's heavy intake of breath.

"Good friends and far away times," intoned the salarian, "May they never be forgot."

He took a stiff pull of his elcor liquor, and I drained half my glass of bourbon. Garrus took a stiff hit, and we looked at each other. There was a laugh, a smile.

"Hell, Shepard," Garrus boomed over the throbbing bass. "You and your duty."

Traynor came by, grabbed up Mordin's glass, and drained it. Sweating frantically, she grinned. There was something wild about it. Wolves on a moonlit winter's night, teeth flashing. The next song started, and she danced away without a word. Mordin looked at me, and I pushed the Wild Turkey at him and pushed my way past Garrus towards the bar. Vega lifted his chin at me as I walked past, leaning on a wall and one hand on the hip (and enormous ass) of a woman with black hair. She seemed to be squirming a little, and her head turned towards the door constantly. Vega was clearly tipsy, and acting as classy as ever.

I was waiting on my Maker's Mark when I felt someone siddle up against me. Azure eyes, dark hair. Half drunk, I looked at her. I'll be the first to admit I damn near hugged the woman. Instead, I grinned like an idiot. I felt her hand wrap around the back of my head, the nape of my neck, pulling me close. Our heads butted, and she smiled. "Been awhile, Commander. I take it the brick of meat is one of yours?"

"I'll sort him out."

"No, not now. There's something I'd like to discuss first."

"Commander. I was hoping you could help me deal with a...problem," Miranda said with a glance towards a rowdy bunch of soliders...including Vega. He was making eyes at her, talking with the other men. He saw us talking, and Miranda's smile suddenly became sultry. He frowned, tossed a hand in the air and ordered another drink. Miranda caught on quickly.

I nodded, and her hand grabbed mine, fingers intertwining. I was surprised, look down at her long fingers in mine as we walked past Vega. We stepped past more than a few couples, out to the smoking area. She reached into a pocket on her belt, and pulled free a cigar. "One of the last Romeo and Juliettas that will ever be made, Commander. A gift."

I grinned, took it. She lit it for me, reaching out with wooden matches. Wooden matches, for Christ's sake. The aromatic smoke filled the area outside Purgatory, causing elcor to snort and salarians to crave fast food. Garrus and Mordin were looking over the girls, and Aria was in there. I was confident I could parley with Miranda.

"How are you, Commander?"

"Had better days. How's things on your end, Miranda?"

She smiled at me, a cold, detached thing. It seemed to crystalize, shatter, fall away. She looked down at the Presidium, looked back to me. Honest relief was in her eyes, hope. Her lips curled, and it was something honest.

"I've... missed you. Everyone has..." she said, covering as quickly as she could. "I knew there was more than a few greenshirts waiting for the day you call them back to duty."

I nodded, clenched my teeth. I jammed the cigar in my mouth, took another long pull. "So what brings you back here, Miranda?"

"I need a favor, no questions asked."

"None?"

"I need access to some Alliance material and some cash, Shepard. And you can't ask why. You've done far too much for me already."

"I'm not sure...is this a problem that I can fix?"

She smiled sadly.

"Someday, Commander, you'll learn that not all problems are yours to fix."

She quietly stepped back. "Just send me a yea or nay, Commander. That's all I ask," she said, pressing a piece of paper into my hand. Then, she simply stepped away, absorbed into the crowd. "That's all I want. " Azure eyes burned out of the dim light. I followed her, chomping down on my smoke.

I admit, I needed to vent. So I balled my fists, glanced at the couple beside me. They had been speaking for about ten minutes, while we listened. The salarian finally caught on about his armor. I could see his hand holding hers as he led her into Purgatory. I wasn't far behind, breathing slowly in and out like a bellows. My blood flooded with adrenaline and calm. I needed something I could face head on. The crowds parted. You see a man on a mission, you make way. Everyone stepped aside, and I walked up to Vega. He grunted. I blew smoke in his face. It was a challenge.

"The fuck, Vega?" I managed. I took a hard pull, the coal of my smoke glowing bright in the dim of the club. I had a sudden memory of Zaeed walking through Afterlife on Omega, one hand on his sidearm the entire time.

"What, sir?" he said, blading his body. He knew I was angry. Ready for a brawl. "I didn't know she was with you.

"You were fucking with my former XO."

"Que?"

Miranda materialized out of the crowd, hands wrapping around my bicep. I glanced down-her eyes were hard. The whole act of playing like she was my girl seemed to be simply to get under his skin. Suddenly, Garrus, Liara and Mordin with with me. Even Traynor had her little fists balled, alcohol-dulled anger starting to burn. Vega looked them over, looked at me. He realized he had done something wrong by hitting on Miranda.

"Didn't know, sir."

"Alright. Apologize to the lady, and it's all good."

He narrowed his eyes, and Garrus took a step closer. Biotic lightning licked off of Miranda, and other patrons scurried back. His eyes narrowed. It wasn't asked for. It was tribal-I was challenged, and those who cared about me stepped to my defense without thought. It was a little scary, but a little...I don't know. Hell, I didn't even know why this was turning into such a big deal.

"You were rude, and you were classless. You apologize, and it's all forgiven. We had a drink. Otherwise, we take this outside."

He looked over the people looking at me, grunted. Turned to Miranda.

"I'm sorry, ma'am. I had no idea."

She nodded, biotic lightning slowly abating. He stared at me, hard-eyed and humiliated. I nodded, extended my hand. I boomed my voice a little louder than neccesary.

"It takes a big man to admit he did wrong. That's why I know you have my back on missions like Mars."

He took it, shook it. The enlisted men could only stare as I siddled up to the bar. One raised a finger, and I cut him off.

"One for my men, two for the enlisted men- Bulleit , if you have it," I told him. I knew my bourbon, and the bartender grunted. He raised his hand, and I slapped down my chit. He saw the Spectre markings, didn't make another sound.

"Now shake hands and I have the next round. No harm done, Vega. "

He took my hand be grudgingly, and I nodded. "You're a good man, Vega," I told him as the bartender slopped out what bourbon they had and gave it out to any man or woman who showed a dogtag.

I held my drink up, and thundered in my best battlefiend boom, "QUIET!"

The music came to a screeching halt, and everyone turned to me. "To good friends, faraway times. To absent friends, and to sweethearts and wives."

"May they never meet!" one voice in the crowd grunted, and there was a chuckle.

"And to life, everyone. Prosit!" I thundered. There was a grunt, and the sloshing of raised glasses as everyone drained their drinks. Even the nonhumans among everyone cheerfully raised their cups...Aria included. Garrus slapped my shoulder as I turned back towards the bar, gestured for another.

"I've always said, you know how to make a crowd dance."

Vega grunted, sipping at his second drink. He was pretty pissed.

"You couldn't have known," I told him, "That she was my former XO."

Garrus nodded.

"Just assume every crazy woman you see has a thing for him, James," Garrus rasped. James looked at his glass, and then back at me.

"Sorry, heffe," he managed.

"Nothing to be sorry about, mano," I said, struggling to remember my Spanish. "You didn't know, you apologized, so it's all good. Just try not to be too hung over for tomorrow- BARTENDER," I boomed, and the batarian came running. "Keep him drunk on a hundred cred!" I said, tipsy myself.

"What?" he grunted, a little surprised.

"Live today, Vega. Tomorrow's another day, and you might not see the end of it. Tomorrow, you get to meet the woman who taught me that."


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N:** So,_ Thirteenth Warrio_r much, anyone? And sorry about my absence. Had some stuff going on in real life. The song playing by the bagpipes is the ODST version of _Light of Aidan,_ and the prayer is a krogan version of the _Thirteenth Warrior_ one.

I stood in my dress blues, rigid and ready. Hackett blinked into existence in front of me. There was a second of pause, and I saw him breathe in heavily.

"Commander," he managed coldly, clearly enraged. I snapped a salute, and he returned it. "I know you've been busy. I've been reading reports. But WHAT IN THE HOLY FUCK are your people doing? Recruiters? "

I raised an eyebrow, settled into parade rest. He was clearly barely containing himself. I could swear I saw bags under his eyes a half mile long. Clearly, things weren't going well on the home front.

"Which ones, specifically?"

"Well, you have missionaries on the Citadel, to start. You should be getting the file soon enough. I expect it to be dealt with when you get the chance, Commander. Though, I hear you have problems of your own."

"I just laid to rest one of the finest men I ever knew, sir. The son of the primarch sacrificed himself to save about two and a half million krogan lives. We took down a Reaper, and the crew and I spent yesterday patching things over with the krogan and collecting the remains of the honored dead- including one of my very good friends. Once we're done here, I'm going to contact the Dalatrass, see about sending him home."

He stiffened at the mention of the Pyrrhic victory on Tuchanka. He glanced at the deck, and sighed.

"I apologize, Commander. The past week has been trying for both of us. I'll leave you to your work- I simply wanted to make you aware of the issue. Otherwise, well done. Let's hope the krogan remember this in the future."

He nodded, and blurred to nothingness. I took a deep breath. I keyed the frequency for the Dalatrass, and waited. It took her awhile to answer. I stood ramrod straight, nodded at her.

"Dalatrass."

"Shepard."

"It is with sincere regret that I must inform you that Doctor Mordin Solus died honorably, in the commision of his duties, while curing the genophage. The entire crew of the Normandy sends their condolences. We have collected his remains, and wish to..."

"The Salarian Union does not repatriate traitors. Good day."

Then, she too faded. I swore. I swore so loud and so vile that my marines dashed over to see the problem. I waved them off, rubbed my forehead. Westmoreland stared at me cockeyed as one of the greenshirts smoothed his tan beret back into place, flush with his skull. He grumbled as his Vindicator rattled against his belt buckle, and I took a breath to compose myself. And then I took another. And another. The damn disrespect of the woman put me over the edge, and I wondered what Mordin himself would do in my place. It wasn't hard.

Do it my damn self. Someone else might get it wrong.

I turned back to the comms, flicked it on. Wrex's head soon appeared, grinning. There was the thunder of drums in the background.

"Shepard! What can I do for you, friend?" he all but yelled as the celebration continued behind him.

"The salarians are refusing to honor Mordin's remains. So I'm going to do it. I was wondering if there was a spot I could do it on Tuchanka."

Wrex scowled, nodded.

"I'll send up co-ordinates for a safe place. Do you know anything about how the salarians do their death-rites?"

That caught me off guard. I knew Mordin had dabbled with religion, but I didn't know much about salarian funerary custom. I didn't know anything about his last wishes, if he had any. I shook my head, and Wrex did the same.

"Me neither. We'll figure something out. I don't think he'd want something somber, though. He'd want people to celebrate his life, not mourn his death."

Wrex grinned. "Don't worry. My people are going to give him a sendoff that will shake the heavens!"

*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****

The Hinds landed quitely between two ranks of Clan Urdnot soldiers atop the plateau, overlooking the enormous salt flats. They all stood quietly, staring inwards. The ramps dropped, and there was a pause. There was a low hum that seemed to echo across the the empty ground, towards the pile of wood. Bagpipes echoed across the flat scrub as a piper on either ship started up. The haunting notes drifted as the pair stepped off of the Hinds. Behind them on one side was the honorguard, and on the other was Mordin's casket. The dull thump of Krogan drums soon started to echo as the assembled warriors came to attention. I was at the front with Jack, Garrus and EDI, helping carry his coffin. I didn't want to think about the hours spent sorting him from the wreckage. My friend was gone, and we were going to give him a proper send off.

The somber music had me on the verge of tears as we slow-marched the coffin past the pyre, and onto a laid-out table. We put the coffin down, and I felt a pang of regret that there wasn't enough of Mordin left for us to have an open casket funeral. Instead, Wrex propped up a picture of Mordin smiling. I turned around, to the mixed group of greenshirts and krogan, and took a deep breath.

"Mordin...Mordin was my friend. More than that, he was a trusted advisor. He lived his life according to the principle of the greater-the greater good," I said, choking on the words. "He always believed in making things better for everyone. And way back, he always told me that he was happy to be there. Proud to serve, he told me. There was nothing in it for him to stop the Collectors. It wasn't salarians being abducted. It wasn't salarians affected by the genophage, and he worked towards curing that. Once, in the cups, he told me he had gleaned one piece of advice from human religious texts. He read all of them, of course...but he told me that he gave everything he had to give. It wasn't him giving things away. He committed to any task as if it was life or death. He couldn't function without a problem to solve, question to ask. Mordin was always trying to make things better for everyone. He lived like he died."

There was silence. The scorching, dusty wind blew between ranks of greenshirts and krogan.

"Platoon! Remove...HEADDRESS!"

My men and women grabbed their berets by the cap badge, and pulled them off, pressing them to their chests. They had filed off the ships after us, in straight lines before coming to attention beside the krogan.

"Pipers, play on!"

The wail rose to the tunes of 'Going Home', and I struggled. I had to be strong. Ash and Liara stood by me, just in front of the platform, distant. They really hadn't dealt with Mordin. Garrus did, and he had his head down. We remained still and silent until the song finished. The group saluted, and we dismissed them. They turned to the right, and took three drill steps. Grunt, in three casts, limped from the sidelines.

"I'm sorry for the salarian. What's this ritual coming up called again?"

"A wake."

*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****

Jack and I stood by the improvised bar, put up just outside of the Hinds. I was wobbly already. By Mordin's coffin, there was a pile of tributes. Some were from krogan- thresher steaks, ryncol, flowers. Flowers were the ultimate tribute on this barren, blasted world. They didn't know him, but some spent what would be a life's savings on honoring a man they'd never met. Jack's ponytail rested on her shoulder closest to me, and I stared at it. It was glossy and black, and I kind of wanted to touch it after three bourbons. Wrex lumbered towards the table where the body was laid out.

"For the man who saved my people, this is the least I can do," he roared. Wrex lifted the bottle of kyr'ah where everyone could see. He yanked off the top, and took a slug. He laughed and shook his head, then poured out a length of it onto the salty ground.

"One for the fallen!" he yelled, and krogan cheered. Greenshirts raised glasses and pints, poured some out. The krogan followed suit, and Garrus looked around the small collection of greenshirts that had formed around him. "Remember the time..."

That's how every story started, whether it was Garrus or or any greenshirt telling the story. Gabby and Kenneth clinked glasses, and I could hear his Scottish drawl over the grunts around me.

"No shit, there I was..."

Gabby pushed him halfheartedly, already a little tipsy. The motion nearly sent her sprawling. Everyone remembered the good times, smiling as they drank and ate. There was plenty to go around, and everyone was tucking in like it would be their last. Everyone told stories, or struggled to through the alcohol haze. Glasses clinked, and the air echoed as what was left of Mordin was left beer, cider, rum, bottles. Whatever they though he'd need- even a sidarm atop the pile of wood. It's not often on a barren world like that a person is worth a pyre of actual wood.

A krogan walked up to Mordin's pyre, and placed a bottle on it. "From Cousin Ratch," he said reverently.

"_Lo, there do I see my father._

_Lo, there do I see my mother, my sisters and my brothers._

_Lo, there do I see the line of my people back to the beginning._

_Lo, they do call to me, my clanmates._

_They bid me take my place among them in the halls of Void,_

_Where the brave, they live forever_."

Everyone turned to him as he spoke, and one by one, glasses rose in salute. Smokes rose too, thick stogies. They reminded me of Zaeed, those scarred smoking krogan. The lone krogan poured his glass out as he finished his prayer before walking away. I stood, and walked to the pyre. "It's time, " I said to everyone. Quietly, people came to attention. A krogan lit a brand, and walked up to me. Tears in his eyes, he extended it to me. I took it. The drums began to beat, so loud I could feel it in my chest cavity. So loud I could feel it in my heart.

"Goodbye, Mordin."

I took the brand, spoke those words, and pressed the flame to the base of the pyre. There was dead silence as the drums stopped, and nothing save the wind. No one spoke as the flames took his body, no one spoke for a long time. Everyone stood and watched one of the best of us- or at least what was left of him- burn. And then, there was that toast. Garrus raised his glass.

"Absent friends," is all he said. Everyone looked at him. The krogan regarded his race as mortal enemies, but Wrex clinked his glass into Garrus's. "Absent friends."

The chant carried, and we all sent Mordin into the afterlife with good cheer and far too much drinking.

A lot of the rest of the wake was a blur- too much drinking, too many steaks, too many stories. Laughter, tears. I remember Jack pulling me back aboard a Hind, leaning on her as Liara and Ash stared. Vega backing down from a krogan, shaking his hand and spending the rest of the night as an 'honorary krogan'. Liara and Wrex talked about her grandfather, affter she had talked to her mother on the Citadel. Long stories, stares from female krogan...

I remember the night, the hangover, the morning after.

But most of all, I remember Mordin. I remember the man who was my balance. I remember the man who helped me, who stitched me shut more than once, the man who saved lives.

I remember my friend.

**A/N:** _I stepped out- I did not step down_.- Volrath


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: **A drablet for to start things off right for the new year. Takes place just after meeting Tali for the first time in ME3. Doing things slightly out of order, because I can. Possibly because it's the only way I can not tear what's left of my hair out. Anyways, something to start the New Year off right.

The Normandy reflected off of Tali's faceplate as we stood on the dreadnought. She stood at a conspicuous distance from me. I didn't blame her. We hadn't hardly spoken a word. After fighting our way through the geth dreadnought with Ash, Liara and Jack picking away at her, I guess she felt a little out of it. I remembered the look of her eyes as we made love.

She turned to me, and she was unreadable as she had been when I first met her on the Citadel.

I didn't know how to feel. I was happy to see Tali, a little hurt that she hadn't sent so much as a letter...and now this. She turned back to the war room to confer with the other admirals while I stood there, a little shocked. Her hug was hesitant, her exit abrupt.

"Well, that was interesting," Kasumi managed wryly. I nearly jumped out of my skin as she decloaked, and she yelped as I made a startled squawk.

"The hell, Kasumi?"

She shrugged, put a hand on her hip. We had picked up Kasumi and Zaeed among others on the Citadel during a pitstop. Greenshirts rejoiced to have Zaeed back- especially those he had collected himself.

"I was coming to see you about something, anyways."

I grumbled something under my breath, and turned to her.

"So?"

"So what? Tali's a lot more serious now, isn't she?"

"Yeah. What did you want to see me about?"

"Oh, that doesn't matter anymore, what about you and Tali?"

I grunted as I started walking.

"What about us?"

"She wants to hide you from the Admiralty, even though you're a hero in the Flotilla?"

I grunted again, stepped through the scanner. Westmoreland cocked an eyebrow as Kasumi stepped through behind me.

"Excuse me miss," she started, holding up a hand at Kasumi. I just shook my head. "No, she wasn't cleared. Yes, she got past you...but she's probably the sneakiest person I've ever met. Don't worry about it."

The private just shook her head, leaned back and glanced at the greenshirt with the tan beret across from her. The young man had shrapnel scars, deliberately left over from the suicide mission. He nodded at me with a half a smile.

"Sir."

"Lancejack. See you still haven't fixed your face."

"Chicks dig scars, and it's one hell of a story," he said with a glance at the private. She blushed a bit, and he adjusted the sling on his Eviscerator.

"Carry on, then," I said, and Kasumi followed. The bridge bustled around me. Greenshirts and former Cerberus engineers worked with Alliance personnel to bring the Normandy back up to snuff. After having her guts re-arranged by the Alliance, there were still plenty of hiccups. Having Ken and Gabby around again made things slightly easier, but after three months Joker still complained about how the old girl felt, and the ship's batteries were still so far off that Garrus advised me not to call in danger-close bombardment. I stepped over a particularly conspicuous and thick coil of cable and stepped into the elevator.

"Mess please, EDI," I said before turning back to Kasumi. "Listen, it's none of your business..."

She snorted at me.

"Commander, you've been all over the place since we boarded the dreadnought."

It was true, taking a boarding party onto the geth ship had been kind of terrifying. Put me in a Hind, a Kodiak, give me a grav chute or drop pod and I'm happy as a clam. Spacewalks always unnerved me, even with a section of commandos with me. Tali, Jack, Liara, Ash and I gone over while Cortez and Garrus stayed aboard the Normandy. Jack even wore her old boonie and managed to find Bessie in stores. Cortez had given her a once over- improvising a lighter nylon bag for the belt of heat sinks, throwing on a lighter bipod. She had pulled on her cuiriass as her class watched. A few even begged to come along. She had just shaken her head, and opened Bessie's feed tray. Laying the first heat sink in, she racked it.

"I can't be babysitting you, and if the geth get aboard I want each of you to break off into pairs and go with teams of marines. We're going to try this biotic artillery idea out on a smaller scale," she told them as she racked her gun. "Seanne, you're in charge. Prangley, you're second in command."

The two nodded as she fitted her mask, and the rest of us fitted our suits. Then, we jumped. The cattiness once we got there was surreal. Liara, Ash, Tali and Jack simply sniped (verbally) at one another as we floated across to the dreadnought, and once we arrived. The only thing that slowed them down was the gunfire headed our way once the geth figured out we were there.

*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****

Once the quarian fleet was safely in orbit around Rannoch, we headed back to the Citadel for a resupply. The entire trip was surreal- the Citadel was growing more and more crowded. I caught a glimpse of what looked like an asari in greens, but she was lost the the crowd. Kelly ploughed ahead. She had found us easily enough, invited us back to her quarter of the refugee area- well, at least the part she administered. It seemed like she had finally found her element, looking over all those people. She had been there almost a quarter year. A glance parted crowds. A smile concealed firearms in the hands of batarians, krogan, turians. I pressed myself against her back- not strictly out of paranoia, but at the same time I was scared. Crowds. It doesn't matter how fast you are on the draw, or how good you are in a fistfight if there's a hundred people wanting your blood. They'll gladly tear you to pieces with their bare hands, and any guilt just fades back into the mob. I kept my hand on my revolver as we pressed through the masses. Zaeed did the same, I saw.

Kelly didn't seem to quite get why were were so nervous as the people slowly let us through to her little shack, though. I never liked crowds, and ever since Al-Jilani had tried to bushwhack me I was worried about how deep her words had sunk into people. If they really felt that I had abbandoned them- they might actually try to take a shot at me. The whole attitude was 'the universe is burning, why care?'. You could smell it in the air, the desperation and apathy. I didn't want to be looked up to - and if I had to be, I didn't want to let anyone down. I was terrified of two things: spiders, and disappointing people. I felt Zaeed breathe deep, and heard the holster snap open. Something was wrong. One moment, there was a gawking crowd. The next, a green-shirted krogan shoved his way through. And an asari in greens. A surly young woman in a blue beret. Two immense elcor. The woman snapped a cursory salute as an easy dozen greenshirts- well, at least that's the uniform they wore- surrounded us, pushing through the crowd. I didn't recognize a single one of reached our destination, sure enough though.

Liara glanced at Zaeed, then at me.

"Those are greenshirts."

"Well, they're wearing them, like some sort of Goddamn fan club," Zaeed said, lighting up as we walked into the tiny converted shipping container that Kelly lived in. She waved her hand.

"Do you mind, Zaeed?" she said, scolding with her hands on her hips. She looked different, older. Jaded.

"Go fuck yourself, Yeoman," he said, puffing out a long cloud of smoke at her as he pressed up against the doorframe. He had his sidearm drawn. "You're not staring down a bunch of armed strangers with a mob behind 'em. I don't care that they're facing away from us, it's still Goddamn bizarre."

"They're not a mob!" she all but yelled, throwing up her hands. "They're fans. And those are legitimate greenshirts," she vocalized...loudly. There was a moment of silence before I peeked outside. More had shown up, and stood at ease between the curious looking crowd and us.

"There's more of them out there than there are on the Normandy and at the base combined, Kelly. I've never met a one of them. So who declared them legitmate?"

She raised an eyebrow, and her jaw dropped.

"You really don't know?"

We glanced at each other, and Zaeed's hand was full of Talon as he watched the people outside. Liara stepped towards Kelly, the old Shadow Broker personality surfacing in an instant.

"Who?" she asked, voice low and full of menace.

Kelly gulped and held up her hands.

"Rolston had a lot of volunteers, so he comissioned a few people to come here and recruit a bit."

"A bit? Goddamn it, Yeoman, there's three fucking sections out there," Zaeed barked. I glanced outside, and there they were, shoulder to shoulder. All of them were armed, and one salarian with captain's bars on his shoulders talked to a small group of others around him.

"Yeah, well, there's a lot of grateful krogan," she said wryly. "Most of them defected from the clans less loyal to Urdnot."

"And the asari? Salarians? Is that...is that a fucking hanar?" he asked, squinting as he looked at the troops keeping back the refugees. Kelly just shrugged, crossed her arms across her stomach.

"There's a lot of refugees, Zaeed. Most of them have no place to go, nothing left but anger. Recruiting is way up across the board, and the Commander's speech only drove more people into his camp. Once they figured things out...well, that's when Ratch released his vid on the extranet."

"Ratch?" I asked. She nodded. "He came here after he saw your speech, and he called up Rolston. Rolston didn't know what to do with him, so he made him the Citadel's official recruiter. I'm told he even tried to recruit an Alliance admiral."

It dawned on me, and Liara looked concerned. She gently touched me on the shoulder. "Are you alright, Shepard?" she asked, her voice charged.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. So, Kelly, what did you want me to do?" I asked, turning away from Liara. Her hand stayed on my shoulder.

"Speak to them. It's New Year's Eve, and they've lost a lot. They could use some hope, don't you think?"

So I took a deep breath, stepped outside, and talked to them.

*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****

Kasumi's blowout buzzed, and Jack snorted at the sound. Tali pressed her horn to her mask, looked at it and shrugged when nothing happened. The human greenshirts broke into cheers as krogan, turians, asari (and even a volus) simply shrugged at one another and watched. We took the very finest of Rolston's greenshirts from the Citadel, adopting them as best we could. Many of them were alien- a whole two sections of krogan, and a mix of everything from batarian to all had different year counts, and the new year wasn't always celebrated. Garrus reclined with Liara and Ashley. Well, sort of with Ash. She was singing at the top of her lungs with her arms wide, like everyone else who knew the lyrics:

"_Should auld acquaintance be forgot,  
And never brought to mind?  
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,  
And days o' lang syne!"_

I was reasonably drunk, admittedly. Cortez had the watch, so I was gonna try to enjoy it. Some of my beer nearly sloshed out of the bottle as I swung the bottle along to the tune. Zaeed grunted along as he lit his own cigar, then Liara's. Jack was even playing along, even though her students didn't know the words. The chorus rang, and a few of the krogan began to follow along. Even EDI, both her body and ship over the loudspeakers, sang along. In the blink of an eye, she had copies of the lyrics on any screen she had access to.

_"And there's a hand my trusty friend !_

_And give us a hand o' thine !_

_And we'll take a right good-will draught,_

_for auld lang syne."_

"So, Commander...if I remember right from last time we did this, humans just celebrate getting through another year alive?" Garrus grunted as he sipped his brandy.

"Seems especially fitting this year, doesn't it? The Reapers keep coming, and look at us."

He glanced at Liara, and the laughing Ash. Zaeed, even Gardner. We were all still kicking, somehow.

"Well Shepard," Garrus grunted, "I've come to terms with humans taking any opportunity to celebrate. And what the hell...turians could learn a little from embracing the little things and unwinding every now and again."

Joker glanced around, EDI's arm slung over his shoulder.

"Commander, I think I'm hallucinating. Garrus isn't being all grim," he said, raising an eyebrow. I just shook my head and raised my glass.

"We're seeing another year. We should celebrate what we still have, while we have it. And with all we've been through, isn't it something of a minor miracle we're still here? To good friends, and farway times, ladies and gentlemen."


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: **I have to dedicate this to the artist who drew a comic of Jack and Shep after a mission. She's bandaged, and as she sits there in pain in the medbay, Shep leans over and kisses her and she freaks out. I always imagined it in reverse. Was sitting on my own couch, thought of this.

I sprawled out on the mess couch. I turned on the holo- it was a classic. One of those action movies you half-remembered, those ones that you could turn off your brain to. If anything, I needed it. Crew drama, a series of rough missions, Legion's funeral on Rannoch. It was awkward watching the rite the geth had for him with Tali there. She pressed her head against my shoulder, trying not to cry. It brought back memories of her and her father. I put my arm around her, and watched. After a day like that, I need a break. It was between shifts, and Garrus was on deck. I spread out in the center of the couch, kicking my feet onto the steel coffee table Jacob had welded together all those...months ago, I suppose. It still had a mess of shrapnel scars on it...something to remind everyone of the hell the Normandy had been through. I threw both arms over the top of the couch, smiling. It felt good.

I must have sat there a half hour, beer in hand before Jack found me. It was something wordless, I think She was wearing a loose old pair of cut-off sweatpants, exposing taut calves covered in tattoos. A hoodie two sizes too big was wrapped around her, her hands in the kangaroo pocket. She saw me, glanced at the screen. I smiled, and she didn't say anything. She didn't need to. She smiled, her ponytail wagged, and she walked around the table. She plunked herself heavily onto the couch, and leaned on me. I grunted, not in surprise- discomfort. I moved by arm down and onto her, and everything was fine. I could feel her breathe, feel her relax as we watched. It felt natural. More than that, right. It was the kind of moment that didn't need words. Then Tali walked in.

And did the exact same thing, on the other side.

They didn't get mad at one another. They didn't chirp each other or complain or bitch.

Everyone was just too tired.

I felt Tali breathing, remembered sleeping next to her. I could tell she was hurting, alone...I wanted to help, but what was I supposed to say? Blasto was easier to watch, and just being there seemed to make her less tense. Others came in, and nothing was said. I had a woman under either arm, and as people got pulled off shift, as the movies played, they all piled in. Ash crouched by my feet, leaning back against them. Garrus took a chair, and Zaeed stood. Liara seemed the most off-put. Finally, she crouched by Ash, mumbled something to her. She shifted over, and each of them used a leg as a headrest. I remembered Liara's gift, stifled a sniffle. I felt at home at that point, just watching movies with my senior crew, or at least most of it.

Well, until I needed to get up to take a leak.


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N:** Chugging on towards rewriting the ending. The Battle of Citadel seemed underwhelming, so I spiced it up. Sorry about the absence, but yeah. Stuff. Tip of the hat to Saul Tigh, among others.

I sat there, beer in hand, watching a sober, grim Khalisah Bint al-Jilani struggle to keep her face from contorting. The makeup wasn't quite able to cover the bruises, and every time she shifted her shoulders you could see the edge of her bandages. My head pounded. The entire thing. Not just from the fight, or the swelling, or the concussion. Not even from the drink that Chakwas would probably pitch a fit over.

"The casualty count for the brazen assault on the Citadel stands at three thousand, two hundred and thirteen killed and half again that wounded- with reports still coming in. While the cost was enormous to the people of the Citadel, stories continue to emerge about the heroism of everyday people..."

Everyone was quiet, watching the screens and nursing their drinks and wounds. Tali sat on the arm of the chair, and Liara stood beside me. Both of them studiously ignored the other while I tried to ignore both awkwardly. We all watched as al-Jilani interviewed survivors, greenshirts, what was left of C-Sec. There were memorials in the halls of C-Sec and a few other places, a lot like the one in the Refugee Quarter. One got a lot of attention- the shrine of the Martyr in Red and the Hero in Blue in Huerta. Huerta General had been attacked, probably as a way to cripple Citadel's recovery. There, a one-legged drop trooper injured on Earth and a Section 8 asari commando had held off fifty Cerberus goons until their nerve broke and the troopers fled. Both were fatally wounded. I remembered clearing the asari to have a gun, and judging by one salarian's wall painting, she had used it. Candles surrounded the painting on the wall in the main lobby as the camera panned across the scene of suffering, to the right of the entrance. The inscription in salarian was subtitled in English for the viewers- (The heroes knew they could not prevail/yet they surrendered not, steadfast in their duties). The wounded at least had something to look at, I noted grimly before thinking back to the attack.

***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***

We hadn't been to Citadel in a week, I think. Jack and her class had been offered more space on the Citadel, and they took it. Zaeed went to go tap his black-market connections, Kasumi was off doing things she shouldn't, and Samara was helping with the induction rites and selection process of a few more justicars. We were headed back after dealing with the situation on Rannoch, tired and beat up, in need of a drink. I think it was the lack of outgoing traffic that first set me off that something was wrong. No outbound freighters or liners.

"EDI," I asked, "Are we still running silent?"

"Affirmative, Commander. Why do you ask?" she toned in. I didn't say anything, because I didn't know. I squinted a little bit. "What's that ship in overwatch? I don't recognize it."

"Unknown, Commander. Identifying..."

I started for the cockpit, glancing out the windows. There was nothing save that unidentified cruiser, and a few transports idly circling towards the Citadel. We drew closer and closer, broadcasting...but receiving no response. Joker glanced up at me, frowning. The cruiser slowly started coming about towards us, and Joker swore and started up the camouflage.

"Action stations, action stations. Set condition one throughout the ship," EDI blared across the comms system. I heard boots ring, holsters snap. Most of the deck crew had heard about the Collector attack. Many had sidearms in holsters under their stations. Marines roused themselves, readying for a fight. Joker sent the Normandy off on a wild carom, and I heard the hum of the weapons systems charging up. "Fuckfuckyfuckfuck..." he panted and swore. EDI turned to me. "Ship tentatively identified as the Cerberus cruiser _Haakon_, accompanying several troop transports."

"Have they landed troops?"

"It appears so."

"Cortzez, ready the Hinds and the suits. We're going in hot," I told him. EDI looked up at me, concerned. "Commander, are you sure that's wise? The Cerberus cruiser is well armed..."

"We need to get down there, EDI. Get Vega and the senior drop troopers up here- Joker, try to get us as close as you can."

***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME***ME ***ME***ME***ME***

It didn't take anyone long before we were standing in a small circle on the bridge. "Alright, here's the plan- Garrus, Tali, Liara and I will hit C-Sec HQ with 1 Platoon. They had to have been a major target and just getting hammered. Vega, you, EDI and Javik take 2 Platoon to the refugee docks, and hook up with the greenshirts. From there, we need to co-ordinate what we're going to do, see what the situation on the ground is. Comms see like they're all jammed up, so your next objective is to get them back online. If you see any of the crew down there, help them out. Good to go? Then let's move."

I headed up to my cabin, firing on my armor and holstering up my sidearms. I had taken to wearing the revolver cross-draw on my left hip on missions, because...well, because sometimes you just need a little comfort. It took all of two and a half minutes, and I was down on the hangar looking over everyone. Drop troopers yanked on each other's armor and rigs, making sure they were tight. Shock jockeys looked over their bayonets. Garrus ran the bolt on his new rifle, and smiled.

"Breaking out the good stuff, eh Shepard?" he asked as he shouldered the massive Black Widow. "It must be really fucked up down there."

The bucketheads climbed aboard first, their garishly painted suits settling into the holds as drop troopers climbed aboard. The door gunners ran last checks, and ran the bolts on their chainguns. I hopped aboard, and waved across the way to the others, my hand making the circular 'spool 'em up' motion. Javik huffed, EDI waved cautiously, and Vega thumped his fist on his chest twice at me. The doors dropped, and the crew evacuated the deck as the Hinds lumbered slowly towards the bay door. I stepped into the cabin, looked at Cortez. He didn't even glance up as Joker's voice chirped through the comms.

"You're going to want to hit the brakes after we launch, because I'm flying...oh, about two hundred mikes off the deck. You do this right, you'll only have about seventeen seconds of exposure. Ready?"

I hated being in the box. Hated it, every time. A man on the ground could do something about his situation. He could call in artillery, airstrikes, armor, reinforcements. A drop trooper in a bird is at the mercy of SAMs, flak, and God knows what else and he's helpless. That's why most pilots pump music through the speakers as loud as they figure we grunts can take- it takes the edge off, gives them an adrenaline dump. And that's what Cortez was doing, totally ignoring me as he guided the the big bird in. The drums thundered, reverberating through my chest.

"Hate this thing, Commander. It's like flying a shopping cart full of a cinderblocks," he yelled to me as everyone held their breaths or tried to listen to the music. The surface of the Citadel was uncomfortably close as we swung towards C-SEC, the Normandy peeling off above us. "Hot landing, sir?" he asked, dimming the music a moment. Beside him, a pair of quarians in green suits looked up at me. There was ornate scrolling on the robes hunge from their suits- quarian writing, badges on their shoulders. One man, one woman. I couldn't tell a damn thing about them.

"Is it a hot landing, sir?" one asked, his lilting voice choked.

"Hot as hell. Spin them up...crew chief?"

"I...I don't have a rank, Commander."

"Spin 'em up and consider you and her promoted to Senior Airman. Don't let it get to your heads, if you're on your Pilgramage."

They tittered a moment, and I rolled my eyes. I had figured that one out pretty quick. Cortez shot them a scathing glance.

"Five seconds out, kids," he grunted at them. I had never seem him so focused, so on the ball. I heard a whine, and the female quarian flicked the covers off a half dozen switches and flicked them. Lights blinked on.

"Missile pods hot. Main cannon ready," she called out. I took my cue, and stepped back to the compartment. Every set of eyes turned to me, and I raised both palms. Stand up. Troopers stuffed mouthguards in, kissed lucky talismans, and pulled on their helmets. A red light turned on, and everyone turned towards the doors. The buckethead planted himself, and the door gunners on both sides racked the heavy slides on their guns.

Half a second later, we were pitching ourselves out of the doors as fast as we could. It was a funny thing, feeling the ship slow and the door slam open. The door gunners on either side opening up, and the knots of white-armored soldiers below shattered. The power armor was first out, not even bothering to flare his jets as he slammed to the deck fifty feet below. We launched ourselves out as fast as we could, green and blue suited forms launching themselves out of the doors as the big Hind opened up. I saw an Atlas shatter, shrapnel flying and taking out one of my men on the way down. It seemed like we were in molasses, time moving slow as we floated there. Not floated- dropped.

We could hear the crescendo as he stood and launched a missile at a knot of troopers before beginning his advance. I figure he was locked on to the other Atlas in the bay...but it was hard to tell as he advanced under a hail of fire. Almost every Cerberus trooper there was opening up on him as we fell, jets flaring. Rounds pinged off of the thick ablative armor, and the bucket-head slowly lumbered towards them. My drop troopers flared around around me, getting into position to relieve the last few C-Sec patrolmen clustered around Bailey. I dived for a set of crates, slammed my shoulder against them. I glanced over the top- there was a field of white and blue suits between us and the C-Sec guardsmen.

"Suppressing fire!" I howled, and every trooper there stood, emptying rifles and shotguns as the buckethead advanced. I vaulted over the crates, and started dashing towards Bailey, heart in my throat. I could hear boots behind me. The thump of Garrus's Widowmaker. I remember mostly little still frames of the run- a trooper dragging another, firing his sidearm as he gets his buddy to safety. A Cerberus trooper trying to get his gun up, leaking neon blue from his helmet. Then the blast took me, and my buddies were dragging me.

Bailey looked at me, a sour look on his face. Despite being gutshot, he looked at me with clear eyes...more than I could do. He held his guts inside of him with one hand, Phalanx in the other. He fired a few rounds over the desk he had flipped, panting as he came back down. "Goddamit!" he swore, ejecting his heat sink and fumbling for another. He was bloody to his knees as I shook my head, a weight on me. A rush of air, a whistling, a missed grenade.

"Stay down, sir!" a lance corporal yelled to me. The Hind took off, and I heard Cortez's voice. I couldn't make things out- my head was ringing like a bell. I shoved the trooper off of me. The C-Sec guard looked beleaguered, desperate. Bailey, however, looked like he had just had that first cup of coffee in the day.

"Alright, I know..." he started, a round pinging off of the desk by his ear. "I know things are hard. Yes, we're tired. Yes, the odds are against us. But we are still expected to DO OUR JOBS! We are expected to uphold the LAW!" he yelled to his men. I saw one turian's jaw tighten, and he reached out to me.

"Give me a heat sink...sir."

I tossed him two, shook my head out, and took a knee. We had pushed most of Ceberus back to the door, the buckethead trading blows with their Atlas. People don't realize it, but the Atlas is basically your average hazardous-environment mining mech with weaponized arms. A suit of mobile armor is a purpose built war machine, and there isn't really any comparison. Sure, an Atlas is a tough opponent. Sure, an Atlas is a son of a bitch without rocket launchers or heavy weapons. A suit, however, is a force of nature. It flamed and slammed and shot while us groundpounders helped the wounded and covered it. Garrus slapped some medigel over Bailey's exposed insides, and looked up at me.

"Shepherd, we need to get to the Spire. Save the Council."

"They're after them?" I asked, and immediately regretted. Bailey just looked at me with the sort of expression you only see when you say something colossally stupid.

"Of course, dumbass. What would leave us in a worse spot? Now, take your men and deal with them. I'll fix things here. "

I think the worst part was watching Garrus as we made our way through the C-Sec offices. He called out for buddies, found a lot of them dead. He didn't want to think any of them were traitors...but when he found Ramirez there, shot execution style, something snapped. He fell back into his Archangel persona, slowly but surely. Most of C-Sec was dead. The buddies and friends who had looked out for him got bushwhacked, just like his crew on Omega. He set his jaw, didn't unclench it until we got back to the Normandy. Even then, I had to split half a bottle of brandy with him and Zaeed before he'd talk about it.

*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME* ****ME****

We were marching away from the Presidium, towards Udina's last reported location. we had left a corpsman with Thane...there wasn't much more we could do. One Section was with them. Two Section was with Bailey, clearing stragglers. Three Section was with me. We were going down that corridor when we saw the door fly off of its hinges. There was a body, maybe two. A lot of steam, a vent might have ruptured. Then, a howl. Another rose to join it, another. Male, female, grief and rage and terrible fury. I had only heard anything like it once before. It wasn't any surprise when a thick, curved omniblade atop a retracting, telescoping metal pole poked out of the fog. A naginata, sort of- clutched by tattooed hands. Through the smoke and steam, I could see four glowing blue orbs, feel the biotic power thrum through the air. I felt Liara tense, hear a mumbled _kee'lah_ as my companions prepared themselves. Jack, Prangley and the girl with the green dress stepped through the smoke, all panting. We lowered our weapons, and Jack slammed the butt of her weapon against the deck. A smirk flitted across her face, and she put one fist on a hip.

"Shep. Nice of you to show up, even if you're late."

I nodded, and everyone relaxed. I sent the section ahead with Garrus, looked her over. She and her students looked worse for wear, that was for sure.

"You alright?" I asked quietly, Liara and Tali looking on. More students followed, armed with Talons and Hornets. A pair with shields led the way out, suspicious, bleeding. Behind them were a mess of thirteen and fourteen year olds, scared half to death, followed by two more with the shields. I turned back to Jack, who nodded.

"Lost three of my students. Put my biotic artillery into practice, though. Effective as ffffffhell," she told me, looking over my gore-splattered armor. "We're going to make them pay, Shep. Once everyone's safe and sound, they're gonna wish they never so much as glanced at us."

"We're holding C-Sec. Bailey's really messed up, but we've got a beach head there. We're trying to catch up to the council. I'd ask if you'd want to tag along, for old time's sake..."

She shook her head, looked at me, and smiled. Honest to God, smiled. It wasn't something warm, though. It was cold, wolflike, savage.

"Any other time. Gotta get the youngin's here safe, then maybe I'll think about it. Just glad you're okay," she said, then punched my shoulder. "Don't die on me, Shepard. You owe me that much," she told me, and turned away. I didn't blame her in the least, and Tali looked at me.

"Things have changed, haven't they Shepard?" she asked quietly. She was a lot quieter since she rejoined the crew. I didn't say anything, and Liara just turned away.

*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME* ****ME*****ME*****

It was bitter. Clearing rooms, one by one. Peoples' lives destroyed as my men pitched grenades through doors, cleared our way forwards. C-Sec offices, diplomatic quarters, it didn't matter. We did what we needed to do to survive. My troops were sharp, disciplined, elite. They weren't suicidal. After an hour, it became mechanical. Breach, bang, clear. Sweep the Cerberus conscripts aside. Treat the wounded. We were getting ground down. It was a matter of numbers, if nothing else. Inside of the hour, half my men were wounded. Kai Leng had killed two more before Thane drove him off, poor bastards.

We ended up tracking down Udina and the rest of them to the top of the Spire. The bucketheads couldn't follow us, and as Udina led the Council upwards, Cerberus cut through a bulkhead. Halfway up, they started to dig in, and sent a half-dozen Phantoms to catch up with us. And we walked right into their ambush. Liara and Tali did their best, but there were just too damn many of them. One Hind was even forced off by ground fire. I was out of grenades, half my men were shot, and there were still twenty troopers, a bunch of turrets and a half dozen centurions between us and the Council. Liara slapped some gel over a burn on her bicep, gritted her teeth.

"Well, Shepard," she said. I could see it in her eyes. She expected that we would die there, despite everything. despite Therum. Despite facing down the Shadow Broker. One hand curled around the base of my skull. Her forehead pressed against mine, and she closed her eyes as our cover sparked and flew away under fire.

"I love you, Shepard. I love you now, have loved you since you rescued me. When you were gone, I went insane. I butchered my way across the galaxy to find you. I was lost without you...until now," she said. I sat there, stunned. The quiet girl with the blue-grey eyes. A pillar of marble in a world of water. She loved me. Tali was taken aback as fire rained past us. Liara's lips touched my forehead, and she pressed hers against mine. There was a moment where I didn't hear the gunfire.

"Without you, nothing else matters," she said, matter of factly. I stared into Liara's eyes. It wasn't her Shadow-Broker self. It wasn't the cold, calculating thing I had seen on Illium. It was the scared girl I had rescued. It was the girl who believed. It was the girl who ensured my name was written in the stars. If that wasn't love...well. Well. Really, what was?

Tali's hand reached out and rested her hand on my shoulder. I could see that other girl, the vulnerable one. I heard my men scream, distantly. Half of them wounded, a quarter of them dead. He looked at me through the mask. "You were the first person I've shown my face to. You were my first love, my first...anything. And I wouldn't have it any other way, Commander. I miss how we used to be," Tali said to me, her lilting voice choked. "I wish I could take things back. But...I'm here now. First and last...it's a perfect circle, in the end," he said, pouring things over. She had been on the suicide mission, and even then, she hadn't been this grim.I could feel Liara cringe beside me as Tali poured her heart out too. This was going to be the most awkward time I'd die, for sure. I could remember Tali's face, seeing me without her mask. Pressing me down into the bed, pressing her lips to mine. Being so excited and nervous that tears rained on my face as she pressed her mouth to mine. I choked up.

"Shepard. You know how I feel. I know things aren't the same...and I'm sorry. Let's burn out, rather than fade away," she said, her liltting, beautiful voice called out. I could hear that tremor, the one that resonated whenever she addressed me off duty, and Liara nodded. "Entil Zah! For Thessia!" she yelled as she stood, firing.. The suppressive fire flew past us. We had used our heavy weapons up. We had used us our energy, our will, our spirits, our heat sinks. As the fire flew past us, we had resolved that we were going to die. A half section of troopers, Liara, Tali and I. That was it. There was nothing left but to go down fighting. To drag as many of those Cerberus bastards as we could with us to hell.I stood, the other stood, and we fired. I felt the recoil up my arm as I fired Garrus's revolver.

I cursed as the cylinder clicked dry. I cursed loudly, and louder still as I saw a wave of biotic orbs fly past over our heads...towards the bad guys. They floated half a second before the charging vanguards, Jack's tip of the spear crashed into them, setting off biotic detonations as they drew holographic cavalry sabers, young men and women eager to push their luck and speed.

From them on, it was ugly. Hand to hand. I rushed forwards with my omni-blade and my wheelgun, trying to press through the bad guys. Biotic explosions leveled most of the turrets. My legs churned as I bulled one trooper out of the way, shot another in the face. We slashed and hacked, tried to build momentum. A shockwave barely missed me as we tried to get to the council. Out of nowhere, a centurion tackled me. He was short an arm at the shoulder, blue and red running down his side as he peeled off his helmet. His eyes were those of a husk: sunken, phosphorescent. I remember it pretty clearly, because once he broke my nose with the helmet...well, that's when things get blurry. He probably clocked me two, three times as I lay there, flailing with my omnitool, desperately trying to fend him off. Then, he went limp. I shoved him off of me, and I looked up. Ashley's trench knife dripped blue, and her Carnifex barked. I guess she had finally decided that I wasn't Cerberus, after all.

****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME****ME*****

"In the end," al-Jalani said somberly, "most people will remember this not as something distant, but by the simple questions '_where were you?_'. A batarian can say '_I was at Heurta passing heat sinks when they ran,'_ an asari '_I lost my arm with the greenshirts_'. The people of the Citadel don't need to explain what they were doing. I've heard a hundred different stories of heroics by everyday people. The greenshirts' valiant defense of the refugee holding area, the last stand and betrayal at C-Sec, everyday people with everyday jobs acting to save one another. I, for one, say let the reapers come. They have no idea what we're capable of."

I begrudgingly lifted my drink to that. Setting it down, I noticed a folder.

Inside, where a number of stamped forms. Requests. The looping scrawl at the bottom was indistinct- a mess with a loop around it. I peered at the label- J. Nought. The request was simple enough- recognition of a battalion and a title. Specifically, given as the particular units in question had served honorably for years, and had distinguished themselves in combat...

The Normandy Uhlans, split into four companies:

First Normandy, Grenadiers. The two platoons of drop troopers and airborne from the Alliance and a half-dozen colonies.

Second Normandy, Marines. A single platoon that loved the position as the last, best line of defense.

Third Normandy, Air Calvary, the Battering Rams. The Hind crews and bucket heads- what more needed to be said?

The Grissom Academy First and Only- the oldest, strongest volunteers from Jack's classes.

Colours, names, histories. All of it, stapled together. My men. My women. My people. All of them, forming together. I snorted, and regretted it as my face jerked in pain and I set myself coughing and snorting blood. I wiped my broken nose and signed the damn paper. Something good had to come out of the Battle of Citadel.

A/N: Alright. Now that this is done, I'm transitioning into Citadel DLC territory. Honestly, I get heartache when I deal with this, which is why it's taken so Goddamn long. Hopefully, between this and things hopefully getting easier for a little while I can increase the pace of stories. I have a few partial chapters sitting there...for now.


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N:** Citadel begins here, so if you're looking to duck spoilers, stop reading. So, I recommend you go buy it- it's worth the fifteen bucks to have a fun adventure with old faces.

I fished through Anderson's fridge for ice. I still had trouble thinking of it as my apartment. My head was still pounding- after the Battle of the Citadel, Hackett had called to tell me I was off-duty pending an investigation into my 'side adventures'; namely, the fact that I had essentially founded a large militia group. Well, he said the prosecutor described it more as a 'personality cult'. At any rate, I was off duty an hour after the fight, my entire crew on furlough as some asshole tried to press charges. Hell, I needed the rest. Both eyes were black and starting to swell shut, and Chakwas had barely finished resetting my nose by the time I made it back to the ship. Liara sullenly stared at the floor a few feet away. Her bicep and some of her forearm were burnt. Chakwas eventually got me out of my tongue lashing by stating that I had a concussion. While true, it didn't take the sting out of Hackett's words. I went, I watched the coverage, went to bed.

Anderson called not even two hours later. He told me that he wanted to get things off his chest, sort out his affairs. He sounded like a man who'd been told he had a terminal disease. Between all of the dead, Thane's last words, and that...I was pretty miserable. I had hardly slept, so I picked up the keys from a runner C-Sec sent over. I walked over, beer in hand, not caring. I tried not to look at the shattered screens, bullet holes, and blood stains. I didn't tell anyone I was leaving, really. I guess EDI figured it out.

The place was nice, I had to admit. It was the kind of condo that you saw advertised on the Presidum. Anderson's taste in art sure sucked, but I could live with that. So, I threw myself on the couch in front of the TV and waited. It wasn't long.

The doorbell chimed, and a krogan buzzed me. "Excuse me sir, but one Jacqueline Nought is here to see you. Should I let her in?" he greenshirt asked, squinting at Jack suspiciously.

"Yeah, sure," I grunted. I didn't know when they had gotten there, but it looked like there was a section of greenshirts loitering around my lobby, 'guarding' me. Before long, the door hissed open, and Jack was there. I didn't know why she showed up first.

"I figured you'd be here, Shep. I beat everyone else here, huh?" she asked, extending a six pack of squat bottles towards me.

"Yeah, you're the first. I'm off duty for at least the next week. Jack..." I said, choking up. I remembered her flashing by, leading her students forwards. Willing to risk them for me.

She turned to me, brown eyes dancing as she popped the cap of her beer and flopped across from me.

"Yeah, Shep?"

"Thanks. Thanks for saving me."

"No prob. You've saved my life at least a half dozen times."

I shook my head as she took a gulp of beer.

"I didn't."

She grinned at me, all toothy.

"Yeah, you did. It took almost a year but I learned. I figured things out, Shep. You've saved my life a dozen times over. You've saved all of our lives a dozen times over, and you don't even realize it. That's your strength, Shep. You make people into what they ought to be without even realizing it," she said, waving the brown bottle at me. Her kicked big, booted feet onto my coffee table as the artificial fire popped and crackled.

I shook my head, and winced. My head was throbbing. It wasn't my first time to the broken-nose rodeo, but it seemed worse, somehow.

"So, where are the rest of them?"

"Garrus is talking down Tali. She's a bit of a wreck. Joker's with Liara. Dunno about the others, though. It's been kind of hectic. I figured the kids needed the nap, or were all in sickbay anyways. I might as well come and check up on you. EDI said Anderson had given you his place, so I brought you a little something. "

I leaned back against the leather of the couch, shifting a little.

"I think he gave it to me because he doesn't think he'll make it off Earth," I told her, taking another sip of my beer. She smirked a little, running her hand through her hair...stopping midway, pulling it away.

"Kinda like my music, Shep."

"I still have it in my cabin."

She reached back, yanked a crumpled piece of cloth from her back pocket, tossed it on the coffee table.

"It's from the kids. They've all started wearing them."

I grabbed the piece of cloth, unfurled. It was a boonie cap, black. There was a silver I embroidered on it.

"First and only. The greenshirts seem to like them enough, and since armbands and headwear is how most of them identify units...well, it fuckin' works."

I raised an eyebrow at her language, and smiled for the first time in what seemed like days.

"I know how much you love that rageddy-ass beret of yours...figured I'd get you something a little more field-worthy."

"It's great. Thanks, Jack," I said, settling it on my head. I slung the string over my head and let it fall onto my neck before tightening it so it clung to my head by the base of my skull. It fit great. She nodded in approval before the door chimed again. I stood, wobbled, and put my hand out. I grabbed her shoulder, and steadied myself. Her hand slipped over mine.

"Shep...I'm here if you need me," she said quietly before I wobbled towards the door. Before I could get to the ringer, Ash stepped through. I didn't have time to say anything before a pair of krogan stepped in behind her.

"Apologies, battlemaster. She claimed to be a member of your krant, flashed her Spectre authorization."

I nodded. "She is. Thanks for your...vigilance."

The krogan grunted, his olive grab armor daubed red. He snorted before taking position outside of the doors once more. I looked over Ash, and smirked. Old jeans, a plain white t-shirt, a Pycon Panthers ballcap and of all things a set of cowboy boots. She really wasn't a dress or skirt kind of girl. She looked surprisingly good with her ponytail bobbing out of the back of her cap...something that Jack picked up on. She jutted her head at Ashley, and grunted. Ashley responded in kind, blading her body.

"So, you're one of the new people that Shepard picked up."

"I'm one of the ones who didn't abbandon him, more like."

Bodies bladed. I could feel them both tensing...and then my omnitool chimed. They continued to try to stare another down as I answered.

"Hey Commander, if you're done moping, you want to grab some sushi? I figure this 'temporary relief of duty' thing might as well be a furlough," Joker said. I could almost imagine him rolling his eyes.

"Sure thing, Joker. Send me the address," I told him as Ash and Jack looked over at me, lowering their guards. I closed to com line.

"Well, ladies, if you're not too busy..."

They looked warily at one another, and nodded.

"Well, you're too tipsy to go alone, Skipper," Ashley managed with a smirk. I wobbled a bit. Drinking that much after a concussion hadn't done me any favors, I admitted to myself. I picked up the boonie, stuffed it into a pocket, and walked tot he door with them in tow.


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: **Interlude. Takes place before Citadel DLC begins. Thought it up one night while the internet was out.

There was a howl from the crowd as the piccolos and violins strummed, Zaeed working that bodhrán drum like his life depended on it. The flutes wailed, and fists flew. Prangley and Seanne, once again. It became the ritual combat on our ship, to even scores out across races, times, places. The Circle formed, the music played, and whatever the issue was, it was resolved by the time the two combatants came out without any hard feelings (and hopefully everyone's teeth where they started). Seanne slugged Prangley hard, and blood flew. He toppled back into a krogan, who gave him a hard pat on the shoulder and a grunt before launching him back at the feisty little biotic.

It was like me and Miranda, all over again. I suppose that's where the idea came from in the first place.

Savage body blows, snarls of aggression as they circled one another. It was ritual, it was cathartic. Seanne spit blood again, assumed another stance.

It was precedent, it was Normandy.

Every ship has rituals, quirks. This was our, standing on the hangar bay deck, the band playing as two crewmen solved their problems with fists. No canned music- it was usually the drums, krogan ones that drowned everything out. Thunder echoed through the bay when they brought them out.

The fight ended in the first and only draw on the ship, both biotics too battered to continue. Jack watched impartially as they both crawled towards one another, panting and bleeding.

"Is that it? Are we done, kids?" she asked as she crouched between them. She glanced at both students, and they nodded. Seanne threw up a hand, put it on the back of Prangley's neck, pulled him close and they smiled brokenly.

"Good. Grab a shower," she ordered, and slunk towards me. A krogan picked up Seanne, and she grinned. She gave him a gentle headbutt as she was carried off towards her shower by her supporters, and a pair of turians did the same for Prangley. The aliens on the ship had really taken to the fights, and there was a hanar who acted as the fight doctor because Chakwas refused to. The music died down, faded away. Jack stepped towards me.

"Thanks for letting this happen."

"Well, sometimes, there's only one way, Jack."

"You need a release valve, especially times like these," she said, shaking her ponytail. "After Prangley lost his brother, he's been out of it. Hopefully that nice jab that broke his nose and shook his brain out of all that bullshit."

I nodded, digging my hands into the pockets of my hoodie.

"He needed it, and I'm glad we have this," I said half-heartedly. I just wasn't in the mood, to be honest. Seeing the Citadel all shot up, killing Udina...it all left a sour taste in my mouth. She grabbed me by the shoulder, stopped me.

"You may be hurting, but that's not the be-all and the end-all, Shep," she said, pushing me against the bulkhead.

"You may have helped everyone and their mothers...but you still have a way to go. Just a little farther, Shep...and we'll grab a nice quiet piece of real estate, and we can watch the tide again. Until then, you're the only person who the kids look up to. Get your shit together."

"For them," she added. I grunted, pushing her away. "Not the only person, Jack."

She snorted.

"Me? I'm just the woman with the whip to them, Shep. Don't gimme that look, I know what I said. I'm hard on them. Shit's hard out there."

"Yeah, I figured. But you treat them like people, Jack. That's why they look up to you."

She gave me another shove, gentler this time.

"Yeah, maybe. I learned from the best, Shepard. Sometimes, you gotta let them learn from their mistakes."

"And sometimes Jack, you need to pick 'em up, wipe the blood off, and give them a pat on the back. Even Seanne understands that."

She snorted again.

"The great ffffffffu...reaking guru Shepard. Why don't you dispense some of that to the kids? I'll buy, for once."

**A/N: **I always liked the idea of Jack taking charge of a whack of students. As a side note, have I thanked you all for all the support you've given me? If not, well...thank you. It's not easy writing a lot of days, especially when I've had a lot of stress. I'm about halfways done the next chunk of Citadel, decided to take it in new and funky directions. Catch the reference to a DA piece, people?


	40. Chapter 40

**A/N: **And back to the story.

We swaggered in.

Jack was on my left, Ash on my right. The swanky clientele sort of stared at us in our street clothes, until someone recognized me. A cry when up, the odd catcall, applause. We stepped past the line and down the stairs, shoulder to shoulder. Joker heard the commotion, rolled his eyes and waved. I walked up, sat directly across from him. He glanced at the other two.

"This place is serious, Commander! Like, French guy at the door serious. We only had to save the galaxy twice to get a table, but I'm impressed it was for four. Did you see the line out there?"

I nodded, and Jack grinned. "I've never had sushi," she said, rubbing her hands together.

"Well, I can't say I'm surprised, Jack . Well, I can, a little, but not about you never having tried sushi."

"About?"

"Well, you guys tagging along. I figured you wanted to be alone for a little while. And Jack having eaten something that didn't come in a can or on a skewer. How's it going, Ash?" he asked politely. Jack flipped him the bird.

"Better, Joker. Nice to see you out of the cockpit," she responded with a half smile, looking over the seats. Two sets of two, facing one another. She slid in across from him, and Jack slid in quickly next to her. I shrugged at Joker, and sat down next to him. The waiter was there in a heartbeat, asking for our drink orders. It was beer all around, followed by a platter of sashimi and edamame to start. I sighed, and leaned back. The table was quiet. Joker turned to me, eyebrow raised.

"Well, if you invited me out here to get out of some awkwardness Commander, you've done a pretty piss-poor job."

We looked at each other, then back at him.

"Well...I think I need a drink with an umbrella in it," he said sheepishly. He tucked into the edamame.

"I'll get you two," I managed, signalling for the waiter. He was busy, trying to keep some Alliance suit out of the place. Already, we were drawing attention to ourselves.

"Awesome use of power, boss. So, what did you want to see me about?" Joker asked, finishing his drink.

"Didn't you invite me out?" I asked, head cocked.

"Commander!" the suit finally managed to call out, disrupting more than a few couples' dinners. She had forced her way past the maitre'd, and rushed up to our table. Ash leaned back in her chair, looking up at her. "Can we help you, Staff Sergeant?" she asked, words harsh.

"Sorry, ma'am. Commander," she added with a hasty salute. "Someone is trying to kill you!"

"Well. Alliance bureaucracy at it's best, ladies. Only four years too late," Joker managed, signalling vainly for his drink.

"No, no...Someone's targeting you."

More sniggers.

"Someone's hacking your communications, Commander! Comms channels, personal records..."

I grunted, having another gulp of beer.

"Are they getting through?"

Then, there was gunfire. Ashley yelped. I flipped the table tot he side, and everyone tumbled behind it. There was a hole in the top. Ash was swearing, and had a cloth napkin over her hand.

"How bad?" I asked as Jack reached for her belt, pulled that little tube out. Ashley pulled the napkin off of her hand- her pinky and ring finger were gone, along with a chunk of her palm.

"Sonsa bitches!" she cursed through gritted teeth. "Hold this, Jeff," she told him as she pressed her wounded hand towards him. He managed an 'ow, my pancreas' before complying as Ash reached behind herself, pulled out a little holdout piece. Joker finished tying the cloth in place as she pulled away, racking the slide against the table. I peered through the hole.

"I love being in show business," one large, black armored goon yelled. Others searched around behind him, overturning tables as patrons ran.

"Found one!" another of them called out, dragging Brooks by the arm.

"Joker, we'll distract them...you get back to the Normandy," I whispered to him. Jack's face was set, orbs of biotic power forming, shuddering. As Joker limped away, one of the mercs spotted him, and raised him weapon. Luckily, he was nice and close to the table. I grabbed him and yanked him over the top, my omniblade slamming home. Joker whipped around, eyes wide. I plucked the canned Carnifex off of the body as he stared at me, still limping away. "You used me as a distraction! You used a cripple! Commander, we are gonna have _words_ after this..." he hissed at me as he limped away. I grabbed the big, silenced Canifex, and checked the heat sink.

There was a shot. Brookes cried out in pain.

"Well, Sherpard...I just shot this poor girl in the guts. She's leaking all over the Goddamn place. Come out, and I won't put a round into her knee. Or blow off her toes."

We looked at one another. Jack's teeth were gritted, and Ashley finished tying a second strip of cloth onto her stumps. The fingers on her left hand rolled on the grip of the holdout; she nodded. We came up shooting. Armor shattered, and men were thrown. Of course, it was a trap. They had a machine gun set up at the top of the stairs. We were lucky- the burst from the heavy belt-fed number came short and shattered the glass under out feet instead of stitching across our bodies. We plummeted ass over teakettle as the floor gave way. Jack slowed her descent with her biotics after hitting a sign, but me and Ash weren't so lucky. It was pure instinct- I wrapped my arm around her waist, and reached out for something, anything to hold on to. I managed to grab a turian restaurant's sign, shattering half the bulbs as I struggled for a handhold, bouncing hard. I clawed at the florescent lights until my hand stuck...and my shoulder dislocated. I screamed, Ash yelped, and Jack glided past us, wrapping us in her biotic bubble. I felt lighter, a lot like that combat drop onto Aratoht. We slide down to a platform, where I wheezed a moment. Yep, my bad arm was definitely out of the socket. Ash pushed Jack away.

"Lemme see, Commander."

Jack just grunted, turned and looked around. Above us, we could hear shouting. We were soaked, smelled like fish, and with the exception of Jack, hurt. My arm hung limply, and it hurt like hell to move it even the tiniest bit. My ribs hurt too, for that matter. I pulled up my shirt, and the entire side of my body that had slammed into that that sign was already turning an unsightly yellow. I felt like hell. My head was wringing, my entire left side was out of commission...until Ash picked me up. She wrapped her own arm around me, switching her little holdout to her good hand.

"C'mon now, Commander. We have to get out of here. Just a little further," she told me with an unexpected level of compassion in her voice. Jack's face was twisted as I looked up. I handed her the gun with a shaky smile.

"C'mon, Jack. We've been through worse."

She grunted, took the gun. I brought up the comms on my omnitool, and found an error. And another. And another.

"Ash, give yours a shot."

Strange enough, a round pinged off the deck three feet away about then. We looked at each other, and hauled ass. We went through a meat locker, where a salarian was smoking- he looked disinterested, to be honest. We limped through, and he just kept smoking. Ash we yelling into her tool, calling for everyone from the Greenshirts to C-Sec to bail us out. I have a hell of a time remembering the details, but Jack did one hell of a job getting us places.

I remember the rescue.

We were pinned down in a used car lot. Jack was worn down, sweating and pale as hell. Ash was down to two rounds. Then, we heard it. There was a crunch as Wrex landed on their car, sending bodies flying. Garrus and Tali stepped out of an elevator, guns blazing. The quarian bolted to me. Her long-fingered hands wrapped around the back of my head, pressed my sweaty forehead to her mask. I could see the mess of blood and sweat I left on it.

"Looking good, Shepard," she managed wryly as she reloaded her shotgun. He reached back, handed her sidearm to Jack, who managed to nod. I don't know how she was still standing, given all the biotic power she had thrown around. I was bobbing. Between my concussion, the ribs, and the arm that didn't work, I wasn't much good. They dragged me on to a C-Sec shuttle, and I remember screaming. Garrus panted above me, and patted my good shoulder.

"Another day, another dollar- right Commander? I haven't had a scrape like that since Omega," he said with a lopsided grin. I managed to nod.

"We're getting everyone together at your new place. I know, not the way you wanted to show the place off...but at least I brought you a present," he managed.

"Is it a medigel bath?" I managed, curling into the fetal position.

"Nope. It's better."

*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME* ****ME*****ME*****

Gardner was waiting in my apartment, scowling. He had a ridiculous chef's hat on, and an apron. Miranda lounged by the bar. Both of them all but jumped up to greet me.

"Well, Commander...heard I you had one hell of a day. Made you a grilled cheese," he grunted, and pointed to the thick sandwich of sourdough bread, bacon, and marbled cheddar. Beside it was a little splotch of hot sauce, and Miranda cracked a beer for me.

"Long day for everyone. Gardner, I think we might need a platter. Fighting's hungry work," she managed, staring at me as she patted the seat beside her. The other collapsed on the couch, and nodded. Garrus looked at Ashley's hand while Tali wandered off somewhere.I didn't say anything, just sat beside Miranda, felt her hand on my shoulder. I took a big bite of the greasy sandwich.

"I already called Chakwas, Commander...she's not going to be happy."

"She never is, Miranda. Where have you been?" I asked around another bite. I felt three-fingered hands wrap around my chest from behind, Tali's mask on my back. I could hear Jack snoring on the couch, winced at the slightest squeeze Tali gave me. Miranda just shook her head.

"Away and around, Commander. Glad to be back."

Garrus slammed a bottle of turian brandy on the bar, and grinned as I jumped.

"A warm hearth, and strong doors Shepard," he said, taking a sip of his brandy. "Told you I got you something special."

"Garrus got me through customs, sir," Gardner said with a nod, sending his hat sprawling. He shoved it back on his head, leaving it oddly canted. He slid a bourbon towards me, and I looked at it. Tali was still holding me, wordless. I was in a lot of pain. Garrus poured one for Tali, and she took it.

"Warm hearths, strong doors, and sharp swords between them," I managed to toast with Garrus. Miranda lifted her glass of wine, Tali her own brandy. We clinked glasses, and I took it back in one shot. I barely finished my sandwich before Tali had me on the couch, smearing medigel on the worst of things. Then, she led me to bed, and pulled the sheets over both of us. I was out before I hit the mattress.

**A/N: **A quick shout out to a member who send me a message about a month ago...which reminds me, people. Don't be shy.


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N: **Tali's song is _The Siren's Song_ from The Secret World. I assume you're familliar with _Citadel_, despite my warning in the last chapter. Seriously, go buy it if you haven't. It's a fun little DLC.

Surgery was a strange experience. Chakwas laid me out on the floor, and pumped me full of drugs. Later on, she told me she improvised the whole thing out of spare supplies and whatever she could pick up at the drop of a dime at a hardware store. I dreamed.

Miranda sung a lovely rendition of 'On My Own', in my head. I felt hair on my face. Jack scowled and played chess with Grunt. Garrus tried a tap routine. Javik clapped and Khalisah just stared. I came to, and vomitted all over the floor before being urged back to sleep.

Drowsy, I lay there awhile. I heard humming, a song. I tried to move my arm, and felt something under by head. I touched taut muscle, reaching up with my good hand. A mask. The humming stopped. I tried to move my bad arm, and felt it yank against something.

"Shhh. Shepard. Calm, calm."

My eyes felt glued shut. I felt dried out all over as the humming continued. Something cold in my arm, down my veins. Chakwas spoke quietly above me, I couldn't make it out. The cold stuff came free, and I shuddered as I felt something scrape bone.

"Barbaric," I heard Miranda say. There was a snort. I opened my mouth, and nothing came out.

"Get him some water," Chakwas grunted. Oh, even in that state, I could tell she was unhappy. A drizzle of ice-cold relief flowed, and I drank. I wiped my eyes again, opened them. Tali was holding my head. Chakwas was binning something, Wrex was there...Wrex? I thought back to the hazy fight, and sure enough, he was there, coming to the rescue. Liara and Miranda stood at my feet. I was on Anderson's couch, in the living room. I tried to move, felt strong three-fingered hands on my shoulders.

"Easy, Commander. You're in rough shape," Miranda whispered, suddenly closer. I could feel Tali tense as brunette locks splashed across my shoulders.

Hands reached towards my head. Liara. She stroked my hair, pressed the the cup into my hand. "Drink, Shepard," she said, fingers trailing down my jawline as Tali fumed. I reached up with one hand, grabbed the water. The other patted Tali's thigh.

"Is everyone okay?" I managed after a few gulps. Chakwas barked out a laugh. Tali's head rested on mine, arms wrapped around my shoulders, clasped over my chest.

I heard Garrus laugh.

"Doctor's carved you open and done improvised surgery on what I'm told are injuries that , and you ask...how're my men? You sure you're not turian on the inside?"

I tried to respond, choked on the words, hacking up a lung. White-hot pain crawled up my sides, making me arch by back. Tali held me, arms wrapping around me protectively.

"Everyone but you. I have Lieutenant Commander William's fingers growing right now in a nutrient vat...you, on the other hand, took a little more work," Chakwas interjected.

"How bad, Doc?" I coughed.

"Dislocated shoulder, labrum tear, three cracked ribs, two broken...you've even managed to layer a second concussion on the first. I'm restricting you from anything that requires more effort than putting on pants."

I groaned. I didn't even want to move, but the the sound I made just brought Liara, Tali and Miranda closer to me. They cooed softly, while I tried to turn onto my side. Bad idea. In a second, flaring pain brought me out of the haze. I gritted my teeth, and slowly started to sit up.

"Any leads?" I managed, Tali helping me into a sitting position. I could see now, Chakwas stripping off her bloodied gloves and binning the scalpel blades.

"I've got a few, " Liara mentioned, smirking.

****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME*****ME** ***ME*****ME****ME*****ME*****

I glanced at everyone, trying to put on my game face despite the trying circumstances. It was going to be a rough mission, with my shoulder in a sling. Tali crossed her arms, pacing. I fiddled with my tie one handed. I grunted, turned to everyone. "Ready?" I asked as everyone looked themselves over. I adjusted the shoulder holster for my revolver, and took a deep breath.

"Right. Let's do this."

Watching the video later, I can't help but find it hilarious. The limo rolls up, and security tenses. The crowd starts cheering. Cameras flashed, and Grunt steps out. Then, Wrex and Vega. They scan the crowds, hefting Claymores. Nodding, Vega bangs on the roof three times, and Tali steps out. She's in her best, flowing white robes coated in elaborate designs. She's clearly a leader, a dignified young woman just coming into her prime. Then, Miranda in a flowing red piece of silk, strapless. She brushes her raven tresses away, and smiles. Ash steps out too, glowing despite the pain and the bandages. Her long dress is all Alliance blue- formal, strapped and classy. She knows how to clean up. Uniform was abandoned as she set a smile on her face, struggling. Jack steps out after, in something tight and black, slashed strategically. Her tattoos were clear for all to see, and her hair cascaded over the shaved sides of her head, barely letting the passer-by glimpse the designs below.. Her curls bobbed, and she smiled to the cameras behind her mirrorshades.

Then I stepped out, and everyone rushed to my side. I was in my tux, with a bolo tie. It was me at my civvie, penguin best. Jack was closest, so she managed to slip her arm under mine, pressing me close. Tali's hand rested on my left, the other on my bad shoulder. My holster was chafing like hell.

"Culture vultures, Shep?" Jack whispered, her teeth locked into a rictus grin. Garrus's voice chirped in my ear.

"Gotcha, Shepard. Wow...well, aren't we all formal today?" he managed. "No threats in the crowd."

Liara snorted across the comms, back at the apartment. Brooks stepped out, dazzled and confused. Vega stepped forwards, eyes scanning. The two krogan flanked him, glaring into the crowd. Garrus was a half mile away, sitting behind his Black Widow and scanning the crowd.

"COMMANDER!" one news hound yelled, jumping the velvet ropes, "Any comment on your recent attempted assassination?"

Grunt straight-armed her back into the throng.

"No."

I grinned, still feeling like ten miles of bad road as Jack and Tali supported me, Miranda and Ash walking ahead of us. Miranda made sure to waggle her ass as she took each step on those enormous high heels, trying to be coy and put on a little show. Ash tried it for a minute before settling in beside her, trying to keep pace. I was limping, half dead...had my revolver in a crossdraw, just in case. The charity dinner was a high profile event- but then again, the CAT6 goons had jumped me at a sushi bar. A charity ball wasn't off limits. My ear bud hummed.

"Well...isn't that a view?" Liara purred. "The wounded hero fights on, giving to the refugees...why Shepard, I wish I was there- despite your small harem. Most people would only bring one woman; you brought five."

I grunted.

"Surprised you aren't a sixth."

"Well, there is something to be said for flannel pajama pants and running the mission from a safe distance, given how things are going."

Vega chortled. The three security guys walked up to the casino security, looked them up and down. Three greenshirts, including a hanar, stood in front of the suited goons. The hanar had a piece of olive-drab fabric wrapped around each tentacle, and one through its midsection. There was a Carnifex mounted on it, and the being glowed.

"No weapons," the biggest goon said, "No exceptions."

"This one believes you are in error. The Commander is a Spectre, and his retinue are all high-profile dignitaries. Stand aside, and let him in," the hanar said clearly.

The goon frowned, then glanced. Ash's good hand was in her clutch, as was Miranda's. I was shuffling forwards steadily, buoyed by a cocktail of drugs. Two krogan, two Spectres, at least two high-ranking personnel. He backed down, and turned the weapons scanner off.

"We'll be watching you, jellyfish."

The hanar glowed.

"My name is One-Who-Stands-In-Place-Before-The-Tides, boned one. Address me as your better, or face the consequences. This one has been selected as a personal bodyguard to Commander Shepard."

The two other greenshirts, both turians, stepped up behind the hanar as Vega, Grunt, and Wrex approached. The goons looked over their shoulders to the mountain of muscle, followed by the hero of the citadel.

"Commander," the paparazzi screamed, "A moment!"

"Shepard, I love you!" one female krogan screamed from the sidelines. "Have my babies!"

"Commander, is that Tali'zorah vas Normandy, admiral of the Migrant Fleet escorting you?"

"Who's the woman in the tattoos?"

"Commander, a moment!"

I shut them out, and strained against the bandages. I stood tall and proud, Jack and Tali beside me.

"Liara, if you could hel..."

"COMMANDER!" the krogan female yelled, toppling reporters. Since the...incident with the thresher maw, I had received the odd mating request. My actions on Tuchanka had made me the object of many a request...and some people didn't take a 'thank you, no' as an answer.

"BREED!" she screamed as Wrex tackled her. The hanar and the goons shuffled me inside post-haste. After that entrance, however, things only got worse.

**A/N:** A shout out to the artist I'll call 'Sion'. She's in the process of doing a commission for me- figure she wouldn't mind seeing a tip of the hat.


End file.
